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Total Drama Shipwreck is a fanon series by Kazza468.

"Hola, Total Drama fans! Chris McLean here, ready to drop another season of the hottest show ever! Seventeen of your favourite Total Drama competitors are coming back for what they think will be another season of me, the host with the most, Chef's cooking, and some insane challenges with a million dollar prize at the end. We told them that they will be spending the duration of the season on this old cruise ship, which we have dubbed the S.S. Chris, but to keep things fresh we'll be introducing some new rules this season. To find out what those rules are you'll just have to stay tuned and watch. For now let's give a warm welcome back to our contestants! Owen, Duncan, Beth, Lindsay, Gwen, Leshawna, DJ, Geoff and Bridgette, surprisingly Heather, Courtney, Tyler, Izzy, Cody, Sierra, Harold, and Noah!"

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"I still can't believe that when I finally win a season, that damned home schooled monster turns up and knocks my hard earned money into a volcano. I am going to win this thing, and with that sucker Alejandro gone it should be a snap."

Confessional Cabin: Leshawna

"I don't know why I keep coming back to this show… Oh right, the money."

Confessional Cabin: Owen

"Awesome! New season! Yahoo! I'm going to win this thing, and throw the big party I promised back in season one!"

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"At first I wasn't going to come back, but then I thought about all the things I had done in the last seasons. First I dump Trent on TV and convince his team to vote him off, and then I make out with Duncan, who at the time was Courtney's boyfriend. To me this is a chance to make up for all the things I've done… And if I do good job, then there's a million dollars in it for me."

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"I can't believe they let Gwen back on this show! After what she did to me! As soon as I win the money the producers will be hearing from my lawyers… again."

Confessional Cabin: DJ

"Now that I know I'm not cursed anymore, I'm going to win this thing and buy a nice new place for my momma."

Confessional Cabin: Harold

"New season… Another chance to show off my wicked skills."

Confessional Cabin: Cody

"Last time I made it all the way to the final three, so I have a real good feeling about this."

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"OMG! New season! I can't wait! Last time I was competing, I made it all the way to the final four… and I would have made it to the final three if I hadn't destroyed the plane… Chris almost didn't let me back on, but then I threatened to write a bad blog about him. This time I'm going all the way to the end, and I'm going to share the money with Cody…"

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"I know there's one million dollars for whoever wins, but after being in three seasons and only winning one of them, maybe I should just go home and stick to what I know best… Then again you can never have too much money."

Confessional Cabin: Izzy

"So stoked to be here! I don't know what I'm gonna do if I win, but I'm going to try anyway!"

Confessional Cabin: Lindsay

"I've been on three seasons, and I know what Kyle… Kevin… Carlisle… Chris is like… But one million dollars… What a shopping spree!"

Confessional Cabin: Tyler

"I may not have won season one or three, but this time I've got my mojo on! I'm going to sail this ship, and then I'm gonna sink it!"

Confessional Cabin: Geoff

"New season dudes! And this time I'm gonna tear up the track! Or… the ocean… Is that even possible?"

Confessional Cabin: Bridgette

"In season two Geoff and I got kicked off in the first round because we made out all over the place. This time we won't spoil our chances by showing our affection in public."



Confessional Cabin: Beth

"In season two I made it all the way to the final two, this time I'm going to win the million and go on a shopping spree with my BFF Lindsay and my boyfriend Brady!"

Confessional Cabin: Noah

"Knowing our luck we'll probably crash into an iceberg, but then again I didn't die on that flying death-trap two seasons ago, and I could use the loot."

"All aboard! The S.S. Chris leaves in five!"

Everyone was surprised to see that the deck was made of reflective tiles.

"What is this?" asked Courtney.

"After Heather and Alejandro both made it to the final two in season three, the ratings really went down the toilet. So this season a significant amount of the ship's power comes from solar energy."

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"The deck is made of solar energy converters? I must admit I'm impressed."

"Now I know it wasn't easy to convince any of you to come back for another season, but here's something you're all going to love. Everyone get's their own room!"

"Are you serious?" asked Heather.

“yes, I am. Now go fight each other for the best one."

Everyone expected their rooms to be full of cockroaches or something, but the rooms were clean and the beds were quite comfortable.

Confessional Cabin: Leshawna

"Okay, I've been on this show for three seasons, and I know this is way too good to be true."

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"As an expert on Total Drama, I know Chris is up to something. This cruise ship doesn't fit his usual M.O. Not to mention there are only seventeen of us here. How are we supposed to be divided into teams?"



Confessional Cabin: Chris

"They may know something is up, but they don't know what it is. I love my job."

The ship had been sailing for about three hours, leaving nothing but the open ocean visible on all sides. The sun had begun to set on the horizon when everyone finally heard from Chris.

"Now hear this! All competitors get your butts on the deck right now for an important announcement."

It took a while for all the campers to get back to the deck. Courtney was determinedly not looking at Duncan or Gwen. Finally after what seemed like fifteen minutes Owen finally arrived.

"Phew… This ship is way too big."

"Well… now that we're all here… I have some very exciting news." said Chris.

"Exciting for Chris is never exciting for the contestants." whispered Sierra to Cody.

“I already knew that.” Cody whispered back.

"As I'm sure some of you have noticed there are only seventeen of you."

"That does raise the question how you'll divide us into teams." said Gwen.

"To keep things fresh this season, there will be a new competitor joining your ranks. The producers are always looking for new ways to boost ratings… So for the first time in Total Drama history, your new friend will be a teenage cancer survivor!"

"Say what?"

"That's right, a cancer survivor, so you know he's a fighter. He has seen all four seasons of total drama, so he knows what to expect."

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"Well that's just great… There went any chances I had of getting a new pawn, and I need all the help I can get."

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"A new contestant? Awesome! That means I get to write another blog! And the first cancer survivor on Total Drama? He's going to be very popular."



At that moment the others heard the sound of a helicopter coming from above.

"And here he comes now!" said Chris "Without further ado, allow me to introduce the newest addition to the TD cast, John Swarner!"

When the helicopter landed on the ship's deck, the gang couldn't believe who came out of the passenger seat. He was dressed head to toe in what looked like a white colored armored sci-fi costume. This wasn't some cheap piece of junk you pay fifteen bucks for at the local costume shop; this was the kind of costume people would wear when they were making a movie. His helmet was crafted in the shape of a dragon's head, and to top it all off he had twin katana swords hanging from his back. He walked across the deck to the place where Chris was waiting.

"Oh dear god…" said Courtney.

"That's rad." said Bridgette.

"So John… Have you anything to say?"

John stood to face the others.

"Hola mis compañeros competidores. Es un placer conocerte, y espero con interés de competir con y contra usted por la suma de un millón de dólares."""

"What did he say?" asked Cody.

John cleared his throat.

"Sorry, I'm trying to learn a second language and needed some practice. Let me start over… Hello everybody, my name is John. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, and I look forward to competing with and against you for the sum of one million dollars."

"Awesome costume man." said Geoff.

"Thank you."

"With and against? What does he mean by that?" asked Lindsay.

"We're always divided into teams and eventually the teams are dissolved so it's every camper for him or herself."

"Oh…"




Confessional Cabin: Heather

"Honestly… Three seasons and she still doesn't understand the basic concept of the game? She takes the term 'dumb blonde' to a whole new level."

"Let me guess, you came here hoping to win the money so you could use it to get your face back." said Noah.

No one even saw it coming. One minute John was just standing there, the next he whipped out one of his swords and threw it with one swift motion. The blade landed right in front of Noah's feet.

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"Note to self… Don't anger the new guy."

"Any other comments?" asked John as he pulled his sword out of the deck.

"I have a question." said Izzy "I take it you went through chemo?"

"Yes."

"Cool! What was that like?"

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"After Noah's little remark, I thought Izzy was so dead."

"Well to put it simply… It sucked."

Confessional Cabin: John

"It was Izzy. She wasn't being rude or insensitive. She's just a few stars short of a galaxy."

"I know it wasn't easy convincing any of you to come back for another season…" said Chris "So this time we're going to do things a little differently…"

"Does that mean no more insane and unfair challenges?" asked Courtney.

"Let me think about that… No. But we do have a lot more wonderful prizes!"

"Prizes?" exclaimed everyone.

"That's right! Just for entering the competition, all of you will be taking home your very own hot tub!"

"Oooohhhh!"

"Tempting… But you'll have to do better than that." said Duncan.

"I knew you'd say that… Which is why our second place contestant will receive, as a consolation prize, a two week vacation in… Tahiti!"

"Oooohhhh!"

Confessional Cabin: John

"Two weeks of sun, sand, surf, and señoritas. Now that's what I call a consolation prize."

"And of course… the winner of this season will receive… the coveted… one… million… dollars!"

"You had me at prizes!" said Owen.

"Good to know. Now in addition to the new prizes and our newest competitor, there will be a few new rules this season… But you can worry about that tomorrow. For now… who's hungry?"

Even though they were gathered in a first class dining hall, the gang expected to receive Chef's usual menu. Imagine their surprise when their plates were loaded with their favorite foods.

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"A ship that's partially solar powered, we all get our own rooms, new prizes, and now we're being served actual food on the first day? I don't want to jinx it, but this is way too good to be true. And I know I'm not the only one who thinks that."

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"I could get used to this."

Confessional Cabin: Leshawna

"I don't know what kind of game Chris is playing, but for the moment I don't care. My goal this season is to get Heather eliminated in the first round, but first I need to know how we're going to be divided into teams."

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"Chris and Chef being nice? Isn't that like a sign of the apocalypse or something?"

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"I guess my lawyers finally got to them."

Confessional Cabin: Owen

"Oh yeah! This season is gonna R-O-C-K rock!"

Confessional Cabin: John

"I know I'm new here, but I've seen all four of the previous seasons, and I can tell… Something is rotten in the country of Denmark."

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"My evil Chris senses are going crazy! But I don't know the emergency!"

John didn't take off his helmet to eat his pizza; instead he just took off the portion that covered his mouth.

"I can understand being deviant…" thought Gwen "But no one would dress like that just to be deviant."

"Okay campers… or should I say sailors? Whatever… Tomorrow the competition will officially begin, but for tonight you can enjoy the ship and just party!"

Several of the competitors went to the dance floor, and at Lindsay's request they started dancing to Celine Dion's "My heart will go on."

"Define irony…" said Noah "Bunch of teenagers on a cruise ship dancing to the romance theme of a high-grossing movie based on one of the most catastrophic shipwrecks of all time."

But Owen wasn't listening. Watching couples like Lindsay and Tyler or Geoff and Bridgette was proving to be very difficult for him.

"I'm gonna go for a walk."

"Whatever…"

Owen walked out on to the deck. The sun had long since set and he could see the stars. There were so many, probably because they were out in the open ocean and there were no lights to obscure the vision.

"It's so romantic… Ugh, what's the matter with me?"

It was then that Owen saw John sitting in a chair near the front of the ship and reading a book. It must've been lonely for him to be the new guy in the game, maybe that's why Owen went over to him.

"Hello… John… Mind if I… hang around?"

"Suit yourself."

Owen took a seat in one of the other chairs.

"What are you reading?"

"Othello, the Moor of Venice."

"Isn't that a play by William Shakespeare?"

"Yes it is."

"The book looks awfully big to just be Othello."

"That's because it isn't just Othello. This is the Complete Works of William Shakespeare. The plays, the sonnets, everything is here… William Shakespeare wrote over thirty plays, but by the time they told me I was dying of cancer I had only read four of them in school."

"But… aren't you…"

"Yes, I'm better now… They gave me only a few months to live, but thanks to my treatment it's been over two years and I'm still alive and kicking… I may not have survived entirely unscathed… but I take what I can get."

For a moment Owen wondered what John meant by that, but it didn't take long for his thoughts to return to what he had been thinking of when he left the dance floor.

"Owen, what's wrong? You're usually the happiest guy on the show."

"You know what they're doing back there?"

"Dancing?"

"Yes…"

"No one for you to dance with?"

"It wasn't always that way…" said Owen looking like he was on the verge of tears.

"Oh…"

"Why did I break up with her?"

"Uh… Technically she broke up with you."

"Yeah I guess so… But for a while there I wanted to… And now I don't know why I did. Oh right…"

"Her… Instability never bothered you before?"

"She never kicked me before…"

"We all make mistakes Owen, no one is perfect, but our flaws are a big part of who we are. You are you unique, just like the rest of us. My mother once told me that a big part of love is being able to overlook other people's flaws, and accepting who they are."

"I guess you're right… but I wish I'd known that two seasons ago."

"People often take things for granted Owen… It's ironic that so many people never know the true value of something until it's gone… It wasn't until I was told that I was dying of cancer that I realized how precious my life was. Fortunately I got a second chance… something a lot of people never get… But now both of you are on the same boat… Maybe this season can be your second chance."

Confessional Cabin: Owen

"John is like the wisest person I have ever met. Seriously, he's like a teenage human version of Yoda, who wears a bizarre outfit."

"I… I don't know… Like you said, technically Izzy broke up with me and… she may not want to talk to me."

"Technically that wasn't Izzy, that was Brainzilla. But a bump on the head later and she was back to normal, so it's a whole new ball game."

Owen took a minute to think about it.

"You may be right… But there's one thing I don't get… Why did you chuck your sword at Noah earlier?"

"If I wanted to kill him I could have, but I know how precious life is, I would never take anyone else's. I just wanted to scare him. No one jokes about my face… No one."

"Okay."

"John!"

Sierra came running onto the deck.

"I hate to disturb you but… As you know I have blogs for every Total Drama contestant and I'd like to ask you a couple questions so I know what to say when writing yours… That is, if you don't mind."

"Sure, fire away."

"Okay, I think the first thing the TD fans are going to ask is… Why are you dressed like that?"

Confessional Cabin: John

"I could see that question coming from across the Milky Way."

"Well originally it was going to be just the helmet, and then I thought I might as well make a whole suit."

"And why did you need the helmet?"

"The same reason I always swim with a shirt on… No one wants to see what's underneath…"

"Uh… I'll take your word for it… What's the significance of the dragon design?"

"My oncologist was Chinese. She told me that according to her zodiac I had been born in the year of the dragon. After the success my surgery and treatment she told me that true to my sign I had one thing that many of her other patients didn't have… luck."

"I see… What gave you cancer in the first place?"

"Diet pop."

"Diet pop?" exclaimed both Sierra and Owen.

"I used to drink a lot of pop, so my mother tried to get me to at least drink something that was supposed to be a little healthier, but the artificial sweeteners the drinks contained gave me cancer and almost cost me my life…"

"Oh my… I really hate to ask this but… Do you blame her for that?"

"She was only trying to help me… and we all make mistakes."

"Really?"

"Life is too short to hold a grudge."



Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"This new guy is unbelievable… Then again that's probably why Chris put him on the show. Owen told me what John thought of him and Izzy. Maybe I should ask him what he thinks about Duncan, or me and my precious Cody!"

"You said earlier that you wanted to learn a second language… Why Spanish exactly?"

"It's the year 2013 and I'm from North America."

"That is an excellent point. Okay now the most important question… As the first cancer survivor on Total Drama, what are your plans for winning the game?"

"No one can be expected to do more than their best. I'll just do what I can, and let the game play out."

Suddenly a loud alarm went off.

"Oh boy… That's not going to be good." John sighed.

"Uh-oh…" Chef spoke to himself.

"Uh-oh? What uh-oh? There is no uh-oh for this episode in my season planner." said Chris.

"There is something big coming up on the radar." said Chef.

"Well sound the alarm and either go around it or blow it up, we're on a schedule."

After Chef set off the alarm Chris spoke into the intercom.

"Attention all competitors, there is something really big coming up on the radar. Please feel free to scream and run around in circles, because it's excellent TV."

Confessional Cabin: Noah

"I knew it… We're all gonna die."

It wasn't long before all the competitors were on the deck trying to figure out what was going on.

"I'm so confused… Are we having a fire drill?" asked Lindsay.

"Wait a minute… What's that?"

John ran over to the bow of the ship and the others followed.

"What is that?"

"What? I don't see anything."

"Right there!"

Owen squinted his eyes and saw that the ship was heading for something big.

"AHH! ICEBERG DEAD AHEAD!"

"Silly Owen, that's not an iceberg." said Izzy "It's a giant lobster."

"Oh… GIANT LOBSTER!"

At first the others didn't believe it, but as the ship got closer the creature came into view, and DJ screamed like a girl.

"This isn't possible!" exclaimed Courtney "The world's largest lobster only weighed forty four pounds!"

"Try telling it that, maybe he'll go away." said Duncan.

"It might be possible that there is an old nuclear waste dump somewhere nearby." suggested Harold "And maybe all the radiation caused a stray lobster to mutate out of control into the giant monster we see before us. It happens all the time in the movies."

"Thanks Harold, that's an excellent thing to reflect on before we all DIE!"

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"Honestly, I had no idea that was going to happen, but what a way to start the season!"

"That thing is coming right at us!"

"Clear the line of fire!"

Everyone turned around and saw Chef coming onto the deck with a really big gun over his shoulder.

"Oh my god! Is that a bazooka?"

"I think the more accurate term is rocket launcher."

"Are you people deaf? I said clear the line of fire! And you may want to cover your ears too."

"Hit the deck!"

Chef calmly walked over to the bow and took aim.

"Alright Larry… Eat rockets!"

POOOOW!

The rocket flew right at the lobster's head.

KA-BOOOOOOM!

The headless crustacean hit the water hard. For a few minutes it just floated there in water, then it slowly sank into the depths of the ocean.

"Mission accomplished."

"Where did you get that?" asked Cody.

"You can get anything on eBay."

"Well I've had enough excitement for today." said Gwen "I'm going to bed."

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"I have a feeling this is going to be a very long season. That is if Courtney and the others don't boot me first. Last time Chris shoved us out of a plane in some random location around the world. This time he's probably going to either make us walk the Plank of Shame or get on the Lifeboat of Losers."

The attack of the giant lobster seemed to suck the fun out of everyone. Soon all the competitors turned in for the night. At 1:45 am Gwen awoke and found herself on the floor.

"What the…"

The whole ship was rocking very violently. A moment later the force sent Gwen flying into the wall.

"Jeez… Who's driving this death-trap?"

Someone started knocking on the door.

"Gwen! It's me! Open the door!"

"Duncan? What the hell is going on out there?"

"We're caught in the middle of a storm, and Chris and Chef are gone!"

"What do you mean?"

"John and the others have looked all over the ship, we can't find them anywhere!"

Storm was a bit of an understatement. It looked like the climactic battle between the Black Pearl and the Flying Dutchman from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Everyone was gathered in the bridge desperately trying to keep the ship from capsizing.



Confessional Cabin: Cody

"Hello everyone, I just wanted to give you some very useful advice… If anyone ever offers you the chance to compete for a million dollars on a reality show… Don't walk, run!"

"I don't understand! Why would they just abandon us on cruise ship in the middle of a storm?" asked Bridgette.

"It's Chris, remember?"

"Oh right…"

"Hard to port!" yelled Harold.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means go left."

"Wait, so port means left?"

"Right."

"Wait, now you're saying right?"

"No I said that left is right."

"Wait a minute. If left is right then what's right?" asked Lindsay.

"Starboard is right and port is left!"

"But if starboard is right then doesn't that mean that port is wrong?"

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but for the first time in my life… I envy old people… At least they die in a warm hospital bed surrounded by people they love. There I was about to die surrounded by people I can't stand."



Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"Have you ever had one of those days where you wonder, how did I get here? I mean what happened to me? After season two I was millionaire, a freaking millionaire! Next thing you know my then girlfriend and I break up, and everything seemed to go downhill after that. Now look at me, I'm stranded on a ship caught in a storm in the middle of the ocean."

"Wait! What's that big blue thing?" asked Lindsay.

"That's the ocean; didn't they teach you that at school?"

"No, I mean that big blue thing."

"Oh… my… god…"

"Let me guess. We're about to get hit by a huge tidal wave."

"Yep."

"Wahoo! Cowabunga!"

Confessional Cabin: Owen

"Only Izzy could smile in the face of certain death. That's one of the things that makes her so awesome!"

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"We were all going to die, and Duncan didn't have anything that could even remotely be considered an emotion on his face. He's simply impossible… I guess that's one of the reasons I fell for and later broke up with him."

"Wait!" exclaimed Tyler "John, use your magic powers to save us!"

"I don't have any magic powers!"

"But you're wearing that outfit."

"I'm a cancer survivor who's a little sensitive about his appearance, that doesn't make me Harry Potter!"

"Bummer."

"I guess this is it… I'll always remember how hot you were Bridge!"

"I love you Geoffy-poo!"

Confessional Cabin: John

"Geoffy-poo?"

"I love you Cody!" said Sierra nearly breaking him in half.

"Tell us something we don't know." said Gwen.

"Brace for impact!"

Everyone closed their eyes and waited for the water to come crashing through the window… but they waited a whole five minutes and nothing happened.

"Is this the afterlife?" asked Owen.

"If it is then I must've gone to hell." said Heather.

"Uh guys… you might want to see this."

Everyone went onto the deck to see what Leshawna was talking about.

"HOLY…"

The ship was actually riding on top of the wave like a surfboard.

"This shouldn't be physically possible." said Courtney.

"I for one am not complaining."

"So… what happens next?" asked Beth.

"Well… Knowing our luck we'll probably crash into something." said Noah.

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"The minute he said that! The minute he said that I knew it would happen! It's Murphy's law! Anything that can go wrong will!"

WHAM!

The last thing Gwen remembered before blacking out was that the ship had crashed into something and flung her and the others off the deck, but when she landed the impact hadn't been as hard as she anticipated, it was actually kind of soft, but she still felt pain. When she opened her eyes she could make out a bright light and blurred images of other people standing up.

"Okay, who's not dead? Sound off."

Gwen joined the others in a loud groan. A few moments latter her vision cleared. It was still dark; it had stopped raining but it was still very windy. She and most of the other campers were lying on a beach. Duncan had his lighter out and was standing over them with John.

"Oh God… Why does my head hurt?" asked Cody.

"Because we were flung from the ship when it crashed."

"Aren't you two hurt?"

"My suit took the worst of it." said John.

"And I've had worse."

"Like what?"

"The many times Courtney killed my three stooges."

"His what?" asked Lindsay.

"It's the things that make us boys." said Tyler.

"Where's the ship?" asked Courtney getting to her feet.

"Back there."

The ship had run aground, but it was too dark to tell what the full extent of the damage was.

"Okay let's take roll call. Beth… Bridgette… Cody… Courtney… DJ… Duncan… Geoff… Gwen… Harold… Heather… Izzy… Leshawna… Lindsay… Noah… Owen… Sierra… Wait! Where's Owen?"

"He must be around here somewhere!"

"Owen!"

"Owen!"

"Big guy! Where are you?"

"People that huge don't just disappear."

"Guys! Over there!"

They found Owen with his face in the sand. It took the combined effort of John, Duncan, DJ, and Tyler to turn him over.

"Owen… Owen!"

He didn't respond.

"Outta the way! I'm a certified CPR!" said Bridgette.

For a few scary moments everyone looked on in suspense, and then finally Owen opened his eyes and coughed up a lot of water.

"Who's there? Grandma? Is that you? Mr. Whiskers? Oh… Mr. Whiskers."

"Uh… What's wrong with him?"

"I think the lack of oxygen may have left him a little delusional…"

"Please school… I don't want to go to movies today… I want to go to the mommy and see… Santa."

"Snap him out of it before he leaks stupid juice all over the place!" said Heather.

"Don't worry this will bring him back."

Duncan pulled something out of his pocket and put it up to Owen's face. He immediately shot up and batted it away.

"What is that?"

"A smelly sock. Trust me; this thing could knock over an elephant."

All the others covered their noses.

"Dear god that is rank!"

"Whose is it?"

"Give me that!" yelled Courtney.

"Now that our little medical emergency is out of the way, can we get down to the business of getting the heck out of here?"

"It's two thirty in the morning and we're shipwrecked."

"We're not shipwrecked." said Heather "This is obviously one of Chris' dumb jokes."

"I don't think the Chris McLean we all know and loathe would abandon an expensive cruise ship like that just so we'd crash on an island in the middle of nowhere."

"Gwen's right. Remember how he flipped out when Sierra destroyed his plane?"

"Hey! That was an accident!"

"Well if I remember correctly you were one who ignited the oil drums."

"You weren't even there. It was me, Cody, Heather, and Alejandro."

"Err… Alejandro… Just hearing that name makes my blood boil."

"Whatever happened to him anyway?"

"Who cares?"

"That is a good point."

"Can we go back to bed now?"

"No! We need to stay awake and wait for a rescue boat!"

"As an expert on Total Drama, I can tell that's not going to happen." said Sierra.

"Why?"

"Because it's freaking Chris Mclean we're talking about."

"Duncan's right. Either this is part of Chris' game, or we're really shipwrecked out here and he's going to go along with it for ratings. In either scenario we are royally screwed." said Sierra.

"They wouldn't really abandon us would they?"

"That question doesn't even deserve an answer."

"Sierra, didn't you leak the new rules or something?" asked Cody.

"Believe me I tried, but Chris was playing hardball."

"Wait, I brought my PDA along! We can use it to call for help!" said Courtney "The only problem is its back on the ship."

"How are we going to get back up there?"

"Isn't it obvious?" asked Izzy "We climb!"

"With what?"

John turned around and looked at the trees.

"I'll be back…"

Before John left Harold stopped him.

"I've got to tell you, that's the worst Arnold Schwarzenegger impression I've ever heard."

"Whatever…"

John came back fifteen minutes later carrying a bunch of vines tied together.

"Vines? Where the heck are we?"

"Don't worry, as soon I have my PDA it will tell us exactly where we are."

Some of the campers had no problem using the vine to climb up to the dock, but then they all had to pull Owen up.

"Dude, don't take this the wrong way, but you really need to lose some weight."

"AHHH!"

Courtney was mortified when she found that her PDA had been broken.

"GONE! It's all gone! My source of power is gone!"

Confessional Cabin: John

"There is no way Courtney would have survived a battle with cancer, then again neither would most of the competitors on this show. Heather almost lost her mind when she lost her hair, and I don't even want to think about what would happen if Lindsay had to go through chemo."

"Courtney, calm down."

"No! I have no intention of calming down! Without my PDA we're stranded out here!"

"So little Miss counselor in training doesn't think she can last one day on an island?"

"SHUT UP! And I'm not talking to you!"

"You're talking to me right now."

"I HATE YOU!"

It didn't take long for everything to fall apart. So John took out his swords and threw them into the floor so hard it was like an explosion. The room immediately fell silent.

"Now that I have your attention, I suggest we all get to bed."

"What?"

"It's been a long night for all us. For now I suggest we get some rest, so that tomorrow we can get to work solving this problem."

"That's the smartest thing I've heard all night." said Leshawna.

Confessional Cabin: Beth

"Finally, a take charge leader who isn't evil like Heather."

Confessional Cabin: John

"I knew that Chris had probably left us to die, but being hysterical about it wasn't going to help. I didn't survive a battle with cancer just to die on an island in the middle of nowhere, so whatever your game is Chris, bring it on."

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"I can, and I will. But unfortunately we're out of time. But before we go make no mistake, those campers are on their own. Who will stand strong and who will crack under the pressure? Find out next time when the most dramatic season ever officially begins right here on Total Drama Shipwreck!"

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"Last time on Total Drama Shipwreck, seventeen fan favorite campers arrived for a whole new season and found out that they would be joined by a new competitor, John Swarner, a teenage cancer survivor with a very unusual attire. Surprisingly Owen was quick to confide in him that he still had feelings for Izzy. And it's clear that Courtney still isn't over what happened between Duncan and Gwen two seasons ago. They were told they'd be spending the duration of the season on an old cruise ship, what they didn't know is that we'd abandon them in the middle of the night so they'd run aground on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere. Now these eighteen teenage castaways are left to fend for themselves against the forces of nature. No challenges, no rewards, no invincibility, no eliminations."

"Wait a minute… If there are no eliminations then how do tell who wins?"

"That is an excellent question Chef, but unfortunately it will have to wait. Who will stand strong and who crumble under the pressure? What will become of Owen and Izzy? Will Courtney ever stop being mad at Gwen? What other surprises do we have in store for these unfortunate castaways? Will my latte ever get here? Find out right here on Total Drama Shipwreck!"

Day 1

"Uh… I'm awake… I guess I must've dreamed the whole…"

It didn't take long for Heather to realize that she was in her room on the wrecked ship.

"Damn."

All the campers met in the dining hall.

"Okay, our first order of business should be to assess the damage to the ship and see if we can repair it."

"Uh… can we eat first?" asked Owen.

It didn't take long for John to remember that it was roughly nine in the morning and he hadn't had anything to eat since dinner the previous evening.

"Okay we'll have breakfast first."

"So what's to eat?"

"Good question."

They all went down to the kitchen, but didn't have much luck finding food.

"They served us our favorite foods last night, there's got to be something."

"Uh guys…"

"What is it DJ?"

"I've got good news, and I've got some bad news."

"What's the good news?"

"I've found some food."

"Awesome!"

"Dare I ask… What's the bad news?" asked Gwen.

"The bad news is that it's a couple thousand cans of baked beans."

The gang looked everywhere, but there was nothing else edible on the ship.

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"Leaving us stranded on a deserted island with nothing to eat but baked beans? That is so Chris."

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"When I get back to civilization, my lawyers are going to bury Chris alive."

As they sat down for breakfast Owen was quick to remind them what eating beans would do to them.

"Look on the bright side." said Duncan "At least it tastes better than that slop Chef always serves us."

After breakfast they were making their way out to the dock, when Beth noticed something odd.

"Guys… was that always there?"

Sitting by the door to the deck was a metal box with a big golden question mark and Chris' face painted on it. There was also a seven digit combination lock built into it.

"I really hate that smile of his."

"What do you think is inside?" asked Geoff.

"Only one way to find out."

"Easier said than done. If my calculations are correct, then there are ten million possible combinations."

"That sounds like a lot." said Lindsay.

"I know how to open it!" said Izzy "Explosivo is loco for big boom-boom!"

"I wouldn't do that…"

"Why?"

"Look at this."

There was note attached to the box.

Caution

Do not attempt to force this box open.

Those of you who actually know how to read, and have read Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code" should know how a cryptex works. The same basic principle applies here.

And trust me; you're going to need what's inside to complete the game.

"What the heck does that mean?" asked Tyler.

"It means if we try to force it open we'll end up destroying whatever is inside. And according to our precious host with the most we're going to need it."

Confessional Cabin: Noah

"Stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere with a mystery box whose list of possible combinations might as well be infinite, and the only thing to eat is baked beans… Awesome and yes, I am being sarcastic."

Heather and Courtney took turns threatening Chris through the confessional while everyone else assessed the damage to the ship.

"So… Is there any way we could repair it?" asked Bridgette.

"Not a chance. And even if we could there's no way we could get it back in the water."

"So what do we do?"

"For now we make the most of it. We have shelter and food, but the ship's fresh water supply won't last us forever. I'm going to scout the island and see what I can find. If I'm not back in an hour then I'm probably in trouble."

Despite John's advice that they wait for him to return, Heather went off to take a walk, and the others didn't really care.

"Do you remember that time back in season one where our teams had to spend the night camping in the woods?" asked Gwen.

"Yeah; we had nothing to eat, Bridgette accidentally burned down our tent forcing us to sleep in the rain, and Courtney wouldn't stop complaining. And the worst part is that we didn't even win because the Katie and Sadie got lost." replied Duncan.

"Well we spent the night in a tree so we wouldn't get mauled by a bear."

"Why'd you bring this up anyway?"

"Those were the days."

For the first time since the ordeal began, Gwen and Duncan both laughed.

"So what do you think is in that mystery box?"

But Gwen didn't get a chance to answer Duncan's question.

BANG!

"What the hell?"

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

"What's going on out here? Who's shooting off cannons?"

"Sounds a lot more like a shotgun to me." said Duncan.

The next minute Heather and John came running out of the trees.

"RUN!"

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"As much as I hate to admit it, John is one of the toughest guys here. So I was wondering what the hell could have scared him like that."



"What's going on?"

"No time to talk! Throw down the vine! Pull us up!"

As Heather and John climbed up the vine a hulking big gorilla came charging out of trees with a shotgun in his hands.

"What the hell?"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Son of a-!"

BANG!

"A gorilla? We drifted all the way to Africa?" exclaimed Courtney.

"And how did a gorilla get its hands on a shotgun?"

"Who cares? Hurry and pull the vine up!"

With everyone safely back aboard the ship, they pulled the vine up so the gorilla couldn't reach the deck. But that didn't stop him from roaring angrily and firing rounds into the air.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"The gorilla with the gun was my idea. At first the producers weren't going to let us do it, but it was just TOO funny!"

For the next several hours the campers stayed on the ship and listened to the gorilla going crazy with his gun from below.

"Gosh, you'd think eventually he'd run out of ammo." said Harold.

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"I know you're watching Chris! When I get out of here, you are so dead! No jury on the planet will convict me."

By the time the sound of shotgun rounds being fired finally stopped the sun had set.

"Is he gone?"

"Either that or he's finally out of ammo."

John peeked out over the deck and was relieved to see that there was a set of tracks leading away from the ship.

"He's gone."

Unfortunately the only way the gang could end their day was with some more baked beans.

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to bed and not coming out until this nightmare is over." said Gwen.

"How are we supposed to sleep knowing that King Kong is out there?"

"I’m pretty sure he can't reach us, but just in case we'll take turns keeping watch."

"Looks like our castaways have their work cut out for them. And if I have anything to say about it, and I do, then it's going to get even harder. What's in the mystery box we left them? How long will it be until the whole ship smells to high heaven since they have nothing to eat but beans? What is John hiding under that mask of his? Does Owen have a chance with Izzy? To find out the answer to these questions and… other questions we haven't asked just keep watching. Same time same place right here on Total Drama Shipwreck!"

"Last time on Total Drama Shipwreck, the eighteen teenage castaways had a rough first day on the deserted island. They quickly discovered that the only food left on the ship was a couple hundred cans of baked beans. They also found a mystery box, the contents of which are vital if they ever want to escape the island, unfortunately there is no safe way to open it without the seven digit combination, meaning there are ten million possible. John went to scout the island looking for a source of fresh water, but his search and Heather's walk was interrupted by a full grown male gorilla wielding a shotgun and a seemingly unlimited supply of ammunition! Could this be the start of a terrifying planet of the apes? Nah, it's just a really funny joke orchestrated by yours truly. The castaways spent the rest of the day hiding in the ship with nothing to eat but beans, needless to say it really stank to high heaven by nightfall, and even then they still kept farting and farting. Who will lay down and die, and who will rise to the occasion? Will they ever find the correct combination for the mystery box? How long would it take to go through ten million combinations? Will they ever stop farting? To find out the answers to some of these bone chilling questions join us right here, on Total Drama Shipwreck!"

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Day 2

Despite the fact that there was a gorilla with a shotgun on the island, no one slept with their door closed, because they really needed the air circulation.



Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"That was one of the worst nights of my life. If the sound of everyone farting didn't keep me up, the smell sure did. When I get back to civilization I'm going to do more than sue Chris for everything he has, I'm going to have my lawyers put him in jail till he rots."

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"There is a certain TV show host out there who needs to die."

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Oh crap! King Kong is back!"

Everyone was out of their beds and on the deck shortly after. John had just pulled up the vine so the gorilla couldn't climb up.

"Breakfast is served."

At Johns feet were three whole bunches of bananas.

"Oh my god! Where did you get those?"

"Last night it occurred to me that our primate friend down there had to live off of something on this island. So this morning I did some scouting and found a whole field of banana trees on the other side of the island."

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"I know John is obviously the biggest competition if this is all part of Chris' sick little game, but I am so glad he found us something else to eat. After a whole day of eating nothing but beans the tub of lard that goes by the name of Owen practically destroyed an entire section of the ship."

While the gorilla was going crazy with his gun, everyone went inside to eat and talk.

"Take it easy Owen. No seconds until everyone has had at least two."

While everyone was enjoying their bananas John went to work drawing a map of the island.

"Okay everyone pay attention because this is important. This is our ship, this is the volcano, this is a fresh water spring, this is the banana field, and I'm pretty sure this is where the gorilla lives. We have enough food and water to get us by for now, but it won't last us forever."

"I say we try to figure out the combination to the mystery box."

"You want to program ten million different combinations into that thing one at a time? Be my guest."

"You're looking at it the wrong way. Chris is so vain it's obviously got something to do with him. Maybe it's his birthday."

"In case you've forgotten Heather, the combination is only seven digits long, and Chris' birthday would be eight digits."

"Why are you so interested in the mystery box anyway?" asked Gwen.

"Duh, obviously the million dollars is in there."

For a moment everyone was quiet.

"Okay, let's assume the million dollars is in the mystery box, we're stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere. Even if we got it open, what the hell would we do with it?" asked Duncan.

"Anything we want… MWAH-HA-AH-HA! MWAH-HA-AH-HA! MWAH-HA-AH-HA! What? I'm not crazy; I'm just a little greedy."

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"Thank you for sharing that with us Heather. Here's another bomb, I love Cody."

"Moving on… Does anyone have any ideas?"

"I know what to do!" said Izzy "Okay… The only thing standing between us and civilization is the ocean, right?"

"Yes…"

"We can't go over it, through it, or around it, and we don't have the resources to build a giant heating device that can dry it all up, so the solution is to go under it!"

"Under it?"

"Yes! I saw this on TV once. Using mainly spoons, we dig a tunnel under the ocean and make our way back to civilisation!"




Confessional Cabin: Noah

"Dig a tunnel under the entire ocean with spoons… I don't know what Owen ever saw in her."

"Next idea."

"It's obvious what we have to do." said Courtney "We build a bunch of rafts using tree trunks and vines, and then we can just sail on out of here!"

"Excellent idea, except one thing… How the heck are we going to cut down some trees?" asked Duncan.

"John, couldn't you just use your swords?"

"Cut down a tree with a katana?" asked Harold "Not unless he has superhuman strength."

"And don't forget that we have no idea where we are and no clue how far we are from civilization. If we head in the wrong direction we'll run out of food and water and die adrift at sea."

"Or what if we get caught in a hurricane or something?"

"Next idea."

"Why don't we just take a bunch of sticks and spell out S.O.S. on the beach? That way if a plane flies by they'll see it and come pick us up." said Bridgette.

"And any sticks we don't use, we could make a big pile which we could set ablaze if another ship comes by." said Geoff.

"Those ideas do have merit, but we don't know if any planes or ships ever come by this area, so we shouldn't depend solely on that."

"I know what we can do!" said Beth "Maybe we can salvage parts from around the ship and build a radio that we can use to call for help!"

"Does… anyone here know how to build a radio?"

"My boyfriend showed me how after we saw the movie Cast Away."

"Okay. Beth, you and Lindsay get to work looking for parts, but don't touch anything without first telling me. The rest of you start gathering sticks."

"Is the gorilla still out there?"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"On second thought… Let's all look for parts."

They spent the rest of the day looking for anything that could be used to make a radio; unfortunately most of the ship's equipment were destroyed when it crashed, so they were lucky to find any parts at all. For dinner they had more bananas and baked beans. After dinner Gwen went to her room and waited for everyone to fall asleep, and then she crept silently to John's room.

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"People like me are deviant. But the only reason someone would dress up like John would be if they were either insane, or they had something to hide. I want to know which it is."

When the ship crashed the door to John's room had been torn from the wall. He was lying with his face in his pillow. He wasn't wearing his suit, that wouldn't be very comfortable. He was wearing a sleeveless undershirt and some gym shorts. He said a few days ago that it had been over two years since his treatment, so Gwen wasn't surprised when she saw that he had a full head of hair.

"But if he's no longer bald then what's he hiding?"

None of the clocks in the ship worked, but Gwen could tell it had been at least two hours. Nevertheless she made her way over to John's bed slowly and quietly.

"Wait… What's this?"

John was holding several pictures in his hand. There was a boy in them that must've been him at a younger age, but there was also a girl that looked five years younger with him as well. Finally one of the pictures showed John in chemo with the girl pushing him around in a wheelchair. But John wasn't just wearing a hat to hide the fact that he was bald, he also had a cast on the right side of his face. The next picture showed him wearing his suit and giving his little sister a hug. Gwen wasn't a doctor, much less an expert on something as chaotic and unpredictable as cancer.



Before doing anything Gwen checked to make sure he was asleep, then she moved John's head so she could see the right side, but she immediately wished she hadn't.

"Oh my…"

Gwen threw up in her mouth, but she forced it down.

"Poor guy… No wonder you wear this thing." she said looking at his helmet.

"Will the castaways ever find a way off the island? Will they ever get anything done with the gorilla constantly trying to kill everyone with his shotgun? How much longer can they stand each other? What do they have to do to win the million dollars? Don't miss the most dramatic episode yet, right here on Total Drama Shipwreck!"

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"Last time on Total Drama Shipwreck, John managed to pilfer some bananas for his fellow castaways from the gorilla's personal banana field. After breakfast they discussed ideas on how they might escape the island, some were good and others were really odd. Gwen's curiosity got the better of her and she went to see what John looked like under the mask while he was asleep, and almost threw up when she saw it. Now our teenage castaways have been stranded on the island for over two weeks. So far they've managed to tough it out, but I've got an uncanny sixth sense, and I know it won't be long now until they start to drop like flies. Wanna bet? Then join us for the most dramatic episode ever, right here on Total Drama Shipwreck!"

Day 16

For the past couple days the skies around the island had been very cloudy, now the violent storm the castaways had been expecting had finally come. They had spent the entire day in the ruined ship, there normally wasn't much to do, but at least when the weather was clear they could go swimming or something provided the gorilla with the gun wasn't nearby.

"I'm bored out of my gourd." said Tyler.

"This is the four hundredth time you've said that. Why don't you do something about it instead of complaining?" said Courtney.

"There's nothing to do."

"Do you want to make out?" asked Lindsay.

"Why didn't I think of that?"

"If you two are going to exchange stupid breath will you kindly do it elsewhere?" asked Heather.

"What's your problem?"

"My problem is that I've been stuck here on this rock with all of you and not one of you has been eliminated."

"If this were all part of Chris' game you would have been the first one to go." said Leshawna.

"I can't believe I'm saying this… But I actually miss the challenges." said Cody.

"What?"

"Sure they were… you know… but at least they gave us something to do… and some rewards to work for."

"I agree with Cody!" said Sierra.

"There's a shocker."

"I was actually hoping there was going to be another talent contest this season." said John.

"We had a talent contest?"

"Yeah you know… Back in season one. Bridgette threw up on everyone and Harold did some awesome beatboxing."

"Thank you very much." said Harold.

"So John, what would you have done?"

"I can recite Hamlet's entire "To be or not to be" soliloquy in Spanish."

"Really? That sounds really hard." said Owen.

"You're kidding, there's no way you can do that." said Duncan.

"You used to think there was no way Beth could have a boyfriend either."

"Prove it."

"Alright, I will."

Before he began John reorganized some of the candles in the room so the lighting felt right. For a long moment he just stood there, apparently getting into character.



"Ser o no ser, esa es la cuestión: Si es más noble en la mente de sufrir Los golpes y dardos de la insultante fortuna; O tomar Armas contra un mar de problemas, Y al oponerse a acabar con ellas: Morir, dormir No hay más, y por un sueño decir que terminamos El dolor de corazón, y los mil golpes naturales Que la carne es heredera? 'Es una consumación Devotamente deseable. Morir, dormir Dormir, tal vez soñar; Sí, ahí está el problema, Porque en ese sueño de la muerte, ¿qué sueños pueden venir, Cuando tenemos despojados de ataduras mortales, Debe darnos una pausa. Ahí está el respeto Eso hace que la calamidad de la vida tanto tiempo: Porque, ¿quién podrá soportar los azotes y desdenes del tiempo, El Opresor del mal, el orgullo del hombre injuria, Los dolores del amor disprized, el retraso Lawes, La insolencia de la oficina, y rechaza la Que el mérito paciente de indigno th 'toma, Cuando él mismo, alzando Con una punta de acero? ¿Quién no tener tanta opresión, A gruñir y sudar bajo una vida cansada, Pero que el temor de algo después de la muerte, El descubrir Countrey de cuyo Bourne No hay devoluciones viajero, puzels la voluntad Y nos hace más Beare los males que tenemos De volar a otros que sabemos que no sean de? Así habla la conciencia hace cobardes a todos, Y así el matiz nativo de la resolución Es sicklied o're con el elenco pálido del pensamiento, Y las empresas de la médula de gran momento, Con respecto a sus corrientes turne de distancia, Y pierden el nombre de acción. suave-que ahora, La feria de Ofelia? Ninfa, en tus oraciones Sé todo mi Sinnes recorder."

"Is that right?" asked DJ.

"I don't know, I don't speak Spanish." said Geoff.

Most of the girls were applauding.

"I could do that… I just choose not to."

"Yeah right."

"Well you couldn't do it either Courtney. You couldn't even get into season two without filing a lawsuit."

"Well you couldn't even beat me in challenges that required physical combat."

"That's right Duncan; you got beat by a girl, twice!"

"She hit me in the kiwis and that kid called me mamma."

"It doesn't matter what your excuse is, if this had been just another season you would be long gone by now."

"How the hell would you know?"

"I didn't come back for another season just to lose."

"That didn't stop you from losing in every other season."

"Shut up!"

"Yeah, besides we all know Heather would be the first to go."

"Enough! Why don't we settle this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Let's have a mock vote right now, and see who would be eliminated first."

"But we were never told how we were going to be divided into teams."

"Chris did say there would be new rules this season; maybe he meant it would be every camper for themselves from the beginning."

"I'm with Bridgette, let's just vote."

"But who gets invincibility?" asked Sierra.

"What?"

"Before every elimination ceremony there is an invincibility challenge. Whoever wins the challenge gets invincibility and can't be voted off. Dear god, someone get this guy the manual."

"Okay here's what we'll do… We'll have a chess tournament, and whoever wins gets invincibility for our mock elimination ceremony."

The chess tournament took a lot longer than expected, mainly because some of the castaways had never played a game in their lives.

"How does my horse move again?" asked Lindsay.

"First of all, it's not called a horse, it's called a knight. Secondly, it moves in an L shaped path."

Confessional Cabin: Noah

"Go figure, the only challenges that aren't insane are the ones we come up with."

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"Finally a challenge where we don't get hurt, humiliated, or have to eat a series of revolting meals."

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"I know chess is for geeky little boys who are never going to have girlfriends… or is that Dungeons & Dragons? Whatever… at least we weren't bored."

Eventually some people like Lindsay and Tyler were forced to forfeit on the grounds that they clearly had no idea what they were doing.

"Ah-ha! King me!"

"There is no "king me" in chess!"

After hours of playing chess it finally came down to Courtney against John, and the match kept going back and forth.

"Sweating yet?" asked Courtney.

"Not on the best day of your life."

"What's the objective of the game again?" asked Lindsay "I'm so confused."

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"I don't know who I can't stand more… Lindsay or Leshawna."

John had the advantage because he could read Courtney's face, and she couldn't tell what he was thinking because of his helmet, but that didn't stop her from trying.

Courtney moved her queen.

Those that actually knew the significance of Courtney's move gasped.

"Pretty good move, eh?"

"Yes pretty good move… but not good enough."

Without warning John moved his own queen deep into Courtney's territory and took out one of the pieces protecting her king, and he already had one of his bishops in position.

"Checkmate."

"What?"

"Checkmate."

Courtney looked over the board to make sure it wasn't a fluke.

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"Oh… He's good."

"John wins invincibility!" exclaimed Sierra.

Night had fallen and the rain had finally stopped. Under Sierra's guidance they decorated the deck for their mock elimination ceremony. Since they didn't have access to the confessional videos they wrote their votes down on paper and placed them in the "bean can of truth". Since John was the one with invincibility he would be tallying the votes. He stood before his fellow castaways and did his best impression of Chris.

"Once the votes are read the decision is final, and the camper with the most votes will have to climb down the rope of shame, row home on the lifeboat of losers, and you can never ever ever come back… EVER!"

Most of them broke down laughing.

"That is so accurate!" said Cody.

"First vote… Heather."

"There's a shocker." said Noah.

"Noah…"

"What?"

"Gwen… Courtney… Izzy… Leshawna… One vote Heather, one vote Noah, one vote Gwen, one vote Courtney, one vote Izzy, and one vote Leshawna."

Confessional Cabin: Leshawna

"It doesn't take a genius to figure out who voted for me, and I've got a pretty good feeling who wanted Gwen gone, but I'm surprised that all the other votes didn't just say Heather."

"Courtney… Noah… Gwen… Heather…"

When John read the next vote he started laughing.

"What's it say?"

John showed them the paper. It read, "Heather The Witch."

Confessional Cabin: Leshawna

"That was my vote"

"Okay… That's three votes Heather, two votes Courtney, two votes Noah, two votes Gwen, one vote Leshawna, and one vote for Izzy."

Confessional Cabin: Owen

"I have no idea who would have voted for Izzy. I was in the alliance to boot Heather."

Confessional Cabin: Noah

"Izzy's a weirdo."

"Courtney… Noah… Courtney… Heather… Noah… Heather… Five votes Heather, four votes Courtney, four votes Noah, two votes Gwen, one vote Leshawna, and one vote Izzy."

John did one of Chris' trademark dramatic pauses before he read the last vote.

"First person who would have been voted out this season… Heather."

"Booyah! Take that!" said Leshawna.

"You just got burned!" said Beth.

"She did?" asked Lindsay "Then why isn't she all black?"

"Not literally."

"Shove it… I'm going to bed." said Heather.



Confessional Cabin: Heather

"Okay, I know I'm not nice, but getting booted first?"

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"Four votes? Gwen stole my boyfriend last season and I get four votes?"

Confessional Cabin: John

"I've seen all the previous seasons and I know how bad Heather is, but Courtney definitely has some issues. She keeps giving Gwen the evil eye every single time she enters the room, and if you ask me it's her own fault for trying to change Duncan in the first place."

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"It looks like there is a lot of hate among these castaways, which is awesome! The tension is mounting and only a few of them are standing strong. So far John is dominating this game, but will his luck hold out? What is he hiding under that mask that almost made Gwen throw up? How much longer until Courtney flips out? And what about Owen and Izzy? If you want to get the answers you've been dying to hear, then don't miss the next exciting episode of Total Drama Shipwreck!"

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"Last time on Total Drama Shipwreck, after sixteen days of being stranded on the island the castaways got really bored and began to argue over who they thought would be the first to be eliminated if this were just another season. To settle the issue John proposed that they have chess tournament, the winner of which would gain invincibility in a mock elimination ceremony. Some of the castaways like Lindsay and Tyler had never played a game of Chess before in their lives and had absolutely no idea what they were doing. It was hilarious! In the final match John proved that he could do more than just recite a famous Shakespearean soliloquy in Spanish and won invincibility. At the mock elimination ceremony Courtney was shocked when she received four out of eighteen votes and that Gwen only received two. In the end the person with the most votes was Heather. Fortunately for the queen of mean it wasn't an official elimination and we're playing by a new set of rules this season, unfortunately the castaways still don't know what those rules are. How much longer can they keep it together? Find out today on the most dramatic episode yet right here, on Total Drama Shipwreck!"



Day 35

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"That's right; the castaways have been stranded for a total of thirty five days! They're tired, they're bored, they don't smell good, they haven't had a decent meal in over a month! So far they've managed to tough it out, but everyone has a breaking point, and I've been hearing a lot of cracking over the past couple weeks."

John was sitting on the deck reading Richard III, Owen was lying on his back humming.

"Forty nine bottles of pop on the wall… forty nine bottle of… a one horse open sleigh… Robin laid an egg!"

DJ, Geoff, Bridgette, Harold, Tyler, Lindsay, and Beth were all playing Tic-Tac-Toe.

"Ugh! There you go again with that three in a row trick!" said Tyler.

"YAHOO!"

All the other castaways turned to see Izzy standing at the front of the ship with her arms spread out.

"Izzy, what are you doing?"

"I'm queen of the globe!"

Confessional Cabin: Noah

"Please… No more Titanic references."

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"The ship wasn't even moving. It hasn't moved in… How many days has it been? Whatever, Izzy's stupidity aside, the idea of her as queen of the world? That's scary on a lot of levels."

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"I'm so bored I can't even draw... Well at least it's a nice day."

"I'm so hungry…" groaned Cody.

"Me too…" said Sierra.

"What are you two complaining about? We just ate."

"A few bananas don't exactly fill your stomach."

"I know the feeling…" said Owen "I would give anything for triple cheeseburger and some fries right now."

"Shut up!" said Heather "Some of us can't live off our lard like you!"

"Hey! Cut the big guy some slack!" said Leshawna "He did catch us some fish!"

"Yeah, like four days ago."

"You're just angry because you were voted out in our mock elimination ceremony." said Sierra.

"Get bent Fanzilla."

The rest of the day went on as usual. Since Owen wasn't able to catch any more fish they were forced to eat beans for dinner again. It wasn't long until the big guy started farting, and that's when it happened.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYNMORE!"

Courtney ran out of the room and came back in with a huge knife.

"AHH!"

John was the first to move. He rushed over and punched Courtney in the face, causing her to drop the knife and fall to the floor.

"DJ, restrain her!"



Confessional Cabin: John

"I would just like to say that under normal circumstances I would never hit a girl. But Courtney had gone nuts, and desperate times call for desperate measures."

Courtney struggled against DJ's strength, but it was to no avail. There was blood trickling down her nose.

"Y-You just made the biggest mistake of your life!"

"The biggest mistake of my life? What the hell do you think you were doing?"

It took about a half hour, but Courtney finally calmed down.

"Oh my god… oh my god… what was I doing?"

"Well unless I missed something, I think you were about to kill me." said Owen.

"Oh my god… I'm so sorry… I don't know what came over me…"

"I don't know… insanity?" said Duncan.

Just like that the fire returned to Courtney's eyes.

"Shut up! You Gwen-Kisser!"

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"I've seen Courtney mad before, but homicidal?"

"Okay everyone, let's all take a deep breath and calm down." said Bridgette.

Fifteen minutes later they were finally ready to talk again.

"Okay… Now let's talk like civilized human beings… Courtney, what is the problem here?"

"The problem is that I've been stranded on an island for thirty five days without my PDA, and with nothing to eat but baked beans, bananas, and the occasional fish, and to make matters worse Owen is stinking up the place with his perpetual farting!"

"Well that certainly justifies attempted murder. Owen isn't the only one farting here." said Harold.

"And we're in exactly the same situation you're in, but you don't see us trying to kill Owen." said Gwen.

"Shut up!"

It didn't take long for John to realize what the real problem was.

"She's still not over what happened two seasons ago. She's been giving Gwen the evil eye since we first set foot on this ship."

"Well, Gwen did steal her boyfriend." said Sierra.

"No she didn't."

"What?"

"Chris told us you saw all the previous seasons so…"

"I know exactly what went down Sierra. I also know that Courtney here wrote a list of ways she wanted Duncan to change. If I had a dollar for every girl who thought they could change a boy, I wouldn't be on this show. It's a little something I call the magnet theory."

"The magnet theory?"

"Let's pretend Courtney is the positive end of a magnet and Duncan is the negative. Positive Courtney always does things by the book but Negative Duncan always breaks the rules. Opposites attract, that's why Duncan and Courtney fell for each other in the first place. But then Courtney tells Duncan that he has to change if he wants their relationship to continue. Trying to turn Duncan from a negative to a positive only repels him, so technically Courtney pushed him away."

"Thank you." said Duncan.

Confessional Cabin: Beth

"Swordsman, Shakespearean actor, bilingual, expert chess player, and now he's a love expert. I don't know why John doesn't have a girlfriend."

"Wait a minute; don't two positives still make a positive?" asked Lindsay.

"That's not the point."

"Wait, Duncan and Gwen aren't very different. If they're both negatives than that shouldn't work either." said Sierra.

"We're not talking about that."

"Wait, I think she's right."

"Now I know my teacher said a double negative equals a positive."

"Lindsay, stop helping."

"Okay… I wasn't perfect, that doesn't give them the right to kiss behind my back."

"That doesn't give you the right to give Gwen the evil eyes every time you see her. I thought you would have learned from season three. When Gwen got eliminated did that undo what happened between her and Duncan?"

"Why am I even talking to you?" asked Courtney "You could never understand the pain I've put up with!"

Suddenly John's fists tightened.

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"That's when I knew, this was not going to end well."

"Pain… You who needed a lawsuit to get on season two think you can talk to me about pain? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT PAIN IS!"

No one saw it coming. John took off his helmet and let it fall to the floor.

Confessional Cabin: Beth

"Oh… That's why he doesn't have a girlfriend."

Courtney, Beth, Lindsay, Tyler, Cody, and DJ all screamed. Bridgette, Geoff, Heather, Noah, and Sierra all threw up.

"That is so sick." said Izzy.

There was a hideous huge scar on the right side of John's face. It started at his chin, curved around his eye, and stretched all the way to his hairline. The eye in question was grossly bloodshot. Courtney turned away and shut her eyes.

"Look at me… LOOK AT ME!"

John's voice was loud and menacing. Fearing the consequences of not obeying, Courtney opened her eyes.

"Pain is going to your doctor and listening to them tell you that you're dying, that you're never going to go to college, fulfill your career dreams, get married, or have a family! Pain is sweating blood onto your bed sheets every night because the knowledge that the clock is ticking for you is driving you insane! Pain is knowing that your widowed mother who works her butt off for you isn't going to have a son, and that your little sister isn't going to have a big brother soon! Pain is realizing that you've squandered the less than twenty years called your life and knowing you're never going to get it back! Pain is waking up from hours of surgery learning that you've been saved but at the cost of your face! Pain is going through an extensive period of chemo! Pain is waking up every morning and looking at your deformed self in the mirror! Pain is having to hide your face because everyone will look on at you in horror… just as you're doing now… Do even half of those things, and then you can talk to me about pain… Do I make myself clear?"

Courtney couldn't get any words out, and looked like she was on the verge of tears, but she was too scared to cry.

"I'll take that as a yes."

John picked up his helmet, put it back on, and walked out of the room without saying another word.

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"Yikes…"

Confessional Cabin: Harold

"Harsh… Actually that's kind of an understatement."

Confessional Cabin: Cody

"I almost stopped breathing…"

Confessional Cabin: Geoff

"I think I soiled my pants."

Confessional Cabin: Owen

"Okay, John is still my friend… But he is TERRIFYING when he's angry!"

Confessional Cabin: Chef

"I've seen a lot of horrible things in my life… But that poor kid's face is just sick."

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"That… was… AWESOME! We don't call this show Total Drama Shipwreck for nothing. But as crazy as that was, no one, and I mean NO ONE expected what happened next."

The others had already gone to bed, but Owen was sitting out on the deck looking at the stars.

"You okay big guy?"

Owen surprised to see that it was Izzy who was talking to him.

"I'm fine, just a little shaken…"

"From the crazy C.I.T. or Scarface?"

"I wouldn't say that to his face if I were you."

"Duly noted."

"I feel so sorry for him… We all thought we had it bad… The average North American lives to be at least seventy five years old, and he wasn't even twenty years old when they told him he was going to die. I can't imagine what that's like… What if we never get rescued? What if we die on this island?"

"Well… I've had a good run."

"We're only teenagers."

"I said good, not long."

"Well… I have had a good time, but I never had that big party I promised back in season one, and I can't help but think about all the awesome movies I'll miss… and I… I… never mind."

"What?"

"Nothing…"

"Don't sell me a bag of hotdogs and tell me its haggis."

"What? I don't want to, it's embarrassing."

"Come on, you can tell me, I'm not here to judge you. We're in the circle, nothing leaves the circle."

"Well it's just that… I'm only human and I… well I… I don't want to die a virgin."

"Oh… You know I never thought about that… Neither do I."

"I mean I've seen it happen in the movies, but my parents told me you can't really experience it until you've actually done it. And I can't help but wonder…"

"Hey, no offense hot guy, but are you going to keep talking or are we going to see some action?"

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"For obvious reasons we're not allowed to show you the rest of it, this episode is getting long anyway. Join us next time as the campers finally learn the new rules of the season. After being stranded on a desert island for over a month, are any of the castaways up to the challenge? What surprises are in store for them? Who will end up taking home the million dollars? Will Courtney ever recover from the events of this evening? Join us next time when the real game begins right here, on Total Drama Shipwreck!"

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"Last time on Total Drama Shipwreck, after thirty five days of being stranded on an island with nothing to eat but baked beans, bananas, and the occasional fish, Courtney had finally lost it and tried to take her anger out on the other castaways. In the fierce verbal confrontation that followed, John took off his mask and made it painfully clear to Courtney that it could be a lot worse. It was awesome! And to top it all off, unknown to the other castaways; Izzy and Owen apparently decided to rekindle their relationship, and take it to the a whole new level! We've spoken with the Total Drama competitors that didn't participate in this season, and they think the castaways have suffered enough. Today we're finally going to let them know what they have to do to win the game, but will they be up to the challenge? Find out right now right here on Total Drama Shipwreck!"

The sun had not yet risen, but the dark blue sky was beginning to turn mix of orange and pink on the horizon. Geoff and Bridgette were both sitting on the deck waiting patiently to see the sunrise.

"So how's Courtney?" asked Geoff.

"She's been in her room all night… crying."

"Do you think the dude was too hard on her?"

"I think she's just really ashamed of what went down last night."

"Last night… John said he sweat blood every time he tried to sleep after he found out he had cancer… Is that really possible?"

"Yes, I looked it up. It's called hematidrosis. But it only happens if a person is suffering from extreme levels of stress. Blood vessels around the sweat glands rupture under the anxiety and blood goes into the sweat glands, so when the person starts sweating it comes out as a mixture of sweat and blood."

"You're so smart."

"I feel so sorry for him… He spent so much time worrying that he was going to die, but when they manage to save him he ends up with half a face."

"Well I guess it was either that or a coffin."

"He also said he wanted to have a family but now he could never have one… What if chemotherapy made him… you know."

"Oh… But maybe it's just the scar that makes him think that… Kind of a girl repellent."

"Maybe we should ask him, just to be sure."

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"And here he comes now."

Every morning John snuck into the field full of banana trees to secure some of the fruit for himself and the other castaways, though he managed to secure enough bananas for everyone he was always chased back to the ship by the crazy gorilla with the gun. Today Geoff and Bridgette helped pull him back up to the deck and then the vine so the gorilla couldn't follow.

"I would love to know where he gets all that ammo from."

The whole ship had been awoken by the sound of the gunshots, for the past thirty five days it had been their wakeup call. They all started to gather in the dining room.

"Good morning!" said Owen half singing as he entered.

"You seem like you're in a good mood." said Gwen.

"Uh… I'm just trying to be positive. Our group has been really lacking in the motivation department lately."

Izzy came into the room jumping like an overly happy monkey, but this didn't surprise anyone. That was how she usually came to breakfast.

"Has anyone seen little Miss counselor in training?" asked Heather.

"She must still be in her room."

"I'll go get her…" said Bridgette.

While they waited for Bridgette and Courtney, Sierra noticed that all the others were looking at John a little differently. She also noticed the way Owen and Izzy were looking at each other.

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"How does the Spanish Shakespearean actor put up with that scar on his face? If that happened to me I'd probably go insane and kill myself."

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"I don't know whether to feel sorry for Courtney or John. Courtney had her boyfriend so… Courtney lost her boyfriend, but John is probably never even going to have a girlfriend. But in other news it looks like Owen and Izzy are back together! The members of my Owen+Izzy website are going to be so happy!"

Eventually Bridgette came back into the room with Courtney; it was followed by a big awkward silence.

"Better?" asked Sierra.

"Can we please just pretend that never happened?"

"Mmm… Sure why not?"

"Hello, she tried to kill you." said Noah.

"Yeah well… It's like John said, life is too short to hold a grudge." replied Owen.

"What's got him so happy?" asked Courtney "I mean… happier than usual?"

"You tell me."

After breakfast everyone went to do their own thing. The day had gone by normally until Duncan yelled for everyone to get on the deck.

"What's going on?"

"I managed to get one of the TVs working by connecting it to the solar panels on the deck."

"You did?"

"Why didn't I think of that?" asked John.

"But look what's on the TV."

"Oh my gosh!" exclaimed Beth "It's us!"

They were all on the TV, but they were all sleeping in some strange looking capsules.

"What the heck?" asked Gwen.

"It must be a rerun of one of the previous seasons."

"No, it can't be, John is there too!"

"Besides, I don't remember us being in giant capsules in any of the previous seasons."

The next moment the picture changed to a face that filled all the castaways with rage.

"Hello guys…"

"CHRIS! WHEN I GET OFF THIS ROCK I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" said Heather.

"He can't hear you."

"Actually I can… I'm here to congratulate you for giving us some of the most awesome TD footage ever! I told the producers the virtual island thing was a good idea."

"Wait a minute… What do mean virtual island?" asked Cody.

"Come on, like we really have the budget to just abandon an expensive cruise ship in the middle of the ocean and let it crash on an actual deserted island."

The picture changed to show Chef and some interns dragging the sleeping castaways from their rooms on the ship and placing them in the capsules.

"After the unexpected attack by the giant lobster we placed you inside these wicked virtual reality capsules that we paid a couple arms for. Everything you've experienced since the moment you woke up has been one big virtual simulation. While your bodies are sleeping safely aboard the S.S. Chris, your minds are on a virtual island."

"I know I'm not the most tech-savvy of this group, but I know stuff like that doesn't exist."

"Leshawna, there is a lot the government isn't telling you. Fortunately I've got friends in high places."

"Wait a minute… So does that gorilla with the shotgun fire real bullets or fake bullets?" asked DJ.

"As long as you're in the virtual world everything will seem real to you. It's all simulated, but your mind makes it real."

"Wow, like the Matrix."

"Yes Harold, but without all that eastern philosophical mumbo-jumbo that no one understands."

"Wait a minute… So you're saying that Izzy and I didn't really…"

"Didn't really what?" asked Duncan.

"Uh… nothing."

"Kiss?"

"They've done that before." said Sierra.

"Didn't really ride the highway to the forbidden zone? No."

Everyone stared at Chris confused.

"Shooting off cannons."

"We don't have any cannons on this ship."

"That's not quite true." said Izzy.

"I'm talking about man cannons, playing hide the salami."

They still looked at him confused.

"Dear god, I'm talking about sex!"

"Oh… Wait what?" said Lindsay.

"You did what?" exclaimed John.

Cody fell to the ground laughing.

"Owen got laid? You've got to be kidding me." said Duncan.

"How could you do it?" asked Heather.

"What the hell do you care?" asked Gwen.

"No, I mean literally, how could they do it? Sex with Owen, I'm pretty sure that isn't physically possible. The very thought of it is mind boggling."

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"O.M.G! This is bigger than Duncan and Gwen! The members on my Owen+Izzy website are going to have a field day!"

"Well excuse me for living!"

"I regret nothing." said Izzy.

"That's okay, it didn't really happen anyway. It's like you dreamed it."

"We can deal with this later." said Courtney "Chris, I demand that you tell me why you think you can strand us on a fake island!"

"Courtney, your contract allows us to do anything we want to you, as long as it's legal. Read the fine print, classic blunder."

"This can't be legal!"

"It's legal enough."

"Courtney, I hate to point this out, but you're arguing with Chris, who doesn't care what we think."

As much as Courtney hated to admit it, Gwen was right.

"Fine… So how do we get out of here?"

"I'm glad you asked. John, I understand that before your battle with cancer you spent most of your time shut up in a dark room playing video games."

"Unfortunately yes."

"Then you should know that every video game has an objective, otherwise it isn't much of a game. Right now your objective is to get back to the real world, and the only way you can do that is the Buff of Life."

"The what?"

"The Buff of Life. It looks like this."

The screen showed a glowing golden piece of cloth with the words "Total Drama" printed all over it.

"The only way to exit the game and get back to the real world is for you to find the Buff of Life, which the programmers have hidden somewhere on the island."

"So… if we find the Buff of Life… We win the million dollars?" asked Heather.

"Well, it can't hurt your chances. Since you're all at a great disadvantage, I will give you clues as to where we've hidden the Buff of Life, each one will bring you closer the goal. So are you up for it?"

"I'm in, let's get this handkerchief!" said Tyler.

"It's a buff." said Noah.

"What's a buff?" asked Lindsay.

"Okay, here's your first clue."

Chris' face replaced with a simple message on the TV screen

How do you split 3 pumpkins among 18 people?

"Oh come on… Does it have to be a riddle?"

"It's Chris." said Gwen.

"How do you split three pumpkins among eighteen people?"

"Where are we going to get three pumpkins?" asked Owen.

"That's not the point."

"I think I know the answer!" said Beth "It's a division problem; you just divide eighteen by three and get six! That way everyone gets a piece."

"What the hell would we do with one sixth of a pumpkin?" asked Duncan.

For the next couple minutes they all sat there trying to come up with the answer.

"Think like Chris… Think like Chris… Think like Chris…" said Sierra.

"Wait guys! I think I got it!" said DJ.

"You do?"

"Yes, we make pumpkin pie!"

"Pumpkin pie?"

"Beth was half right. It is true you can't do much with one sixth of a pumpkin, but if you make each pumpkin into a pie, and then cut each pie into six equal slices, then everyone gets a slice."

"That makes sense to me." said Geoff.

"But what does making pumpkin pie tell us about where the next clue is?" asked Courtney.

"Does anyone here even know how to make pumpkin pie?"

"I don't know how by heart, I'd need a cookbook."

"Maybe there's a cookbook in the kitchen, or the ship's library."

The campers often went to the library during their time on the virtual island, often there was nothing else to do but read. For some reason the walls of the library were decorated by large paintings of iconic video game characters like Mario, Sonic the Hedgehog, Donkey Kong, Pac-Man, and so on. Unfortunately for the campers there was a whole bookcase dedicated to cookbooks.

"Why can't anything ever be easy?"

"Everyone grab a book and get skimming."

It took some time, but eventually they found an envelope that had a question mark dotted with Chris' face in one of the cookbooks. True enough it was in front of a page with a pumpkin pie recipe.

"Well done DJ." said John.

He opened the envelope and pulled out the note that was inside.

"Okay Iron Man, what are we faced with next?" asked Leshawna.

"Iron Man?"

"I'm pretty sure surviving a battle with cancer makes you the toughest guy here, and you don't let your… deformities hold you down. That takes guts, and Iron Man has guts."

"What about Superman?" asked Cody.

"Superman is just a flying boy scout." said Duncan.

"We can trade nicknames later, right now let's figure out how we can get the heck out of here."

"Well to answer Leshawna's question… I don't know."

John showed them what written on the note.

どんな人たちが急いで、常にですか?

私は睡眠彼らは多くを得ることはありませんきっと

"What the hell is this?" asked Heather.

"Leave it to Chris to write one of the clues in Chinese."

"It's not Chinese, it's Japanese." said Harold.

"Japanese? You mean you can read this chicken scratch?"

"No, but I can translate it if you give me some time. It's just one of my many wicked skills."

"Okay Mr. Professor, then get to translating."

While Harold was busy translating the message the others sat by and waited.

"So… John, do you really have a little sister?" asked Bridgette.

"Yes, her name is Angela…"

"You mean like angel?"

"Angela is the Greek word meaning angelic."

"I'll bet she's really cute." said Beth.

"She is… I have a few pictures of her if you want to see."

"Aww… She's so adorable!" said Lindsay "She's like a living doll."

"After my father died in a car accident our mother started working late so she could support us by herself… I was often left to take care of her and didn't really enjoy it… All I wanted to do was play video games and watch TV… But then I got sick… and she started taking care of me. Pushing me around in my wheelchair, fluffing my pillows, she even fed me with a spoon, like I was a baby."

Confessional Cabin: Leshawna

(Crying) "Feeds her big brother with a spoon? That's love baby!"

"Okay, I've got it!" said Harold

What kind of people are always in a hurry?

I'll bet they don't get much sleep

"People who are always in a hurry?"

"Athletes! Like me!" said Tyler.

"Race car drivers?"

"Russians." said John.

"Russians?"

"Chris had the clue written in Japanese rather than just tell us the clue up front. I figured there may have been a reason for that other than to make our lives difficult. He was telling us that the clue meant people of a certain background. Japan is in the continent of Asia."

"And the Japanese aren't usually in a hurry, unless they're running from Godzilla." said Owen.

"Actually it's just a play on words. People who are always in a hurry would rush in to things. Rush-in, Russian."

"Okay… But what does the whole part about them not getting much sleep mean?"

"I don't know yet…"

The part about Russians not getting much sleep had the castaways baffled. Eventually they decided to break for lunch.

"I've got to hand it to the programmers." said Owen "These virtual bananas taste just like real bananas."

Even with full stomachs they couldn't figure out what the clue meant, so some of them went to do their own thing.

"So… you and Izzy."

"Yeah, John told me on the first day that this season might be my second chance… But I never expected the results."

"Alright, how did you get her to do it?" asked Duncan.

"It was her idea. You guys all went to bed, she came to talk to me, I told her I was worried we might never be rescued and I didn't want to die a virgin."

"That actually worked?" asked Geoff.

"Try to remember that it's Izzy we're talking about here."



Confessional Cabin: Noah

"Izzy indeed. Who knows where she's been, she probably has syphilis, HIV, crabs, or something. I almost feel sorry for Owen."

"Guys! We found it!"

"Huh?"

Much to everyone's surprise, Lindsay and Beth had found the next clue.

"Where did you find it?"

"Well when we found out Duncan had gotten one of the TVs working, we figured we could also watch some of the DVDs we found in the library. Sleeping Beauty is my all-time favorite Disney movie, and when we opened the case, there it was."

"I don't get it."

"Now why didn't I think of that?" said Heather.

"Think of what?"

"As any girl with half a brain can tell you, Sleeping Beauty was originally a ballet, and the music was composed by Pyotr Tchaikovsky, a Russian for those of you who haven't guessed, and it's widely regarded as his finest ballet score."

"Women…" said Duncan under his breath.

"Whatever… What does the clue say?"

How many pieces of string would it take to reach the moon?

Don't worry about how long it would take; time is on your side.

"Reaching the moon with pieces of string? That isn't physically possible." said Noah.

"Neither is Owen getting laid, but that's not the point!" said Heather.

"That's an easy one!" said Courtney.

"You know how many pieces of string it would take to reach the moon?"

"Yes."

"Let me guess! Twenty-five billion, three hundred million, six hundred thousand, seven hundred and twenty-two!" said Owen.

"Not even close."

"Okay Miss counselor in training, what is the answer?"

"One."

"One?"

"The riddle asked how many pieces of string it would take to reach the moon, but it never said how long they were. Provided it was long enough it would only take one."

"Okay, but what does an impossibly long piece of string tell us about where the next clue is?"

"Read the next line of the riddle."

Don't worry about how long it would take; time is on your side.

"What the heck does that mean?"

"Have you ever noticed that the only clock on this ship is the cuckoo clock in the dining hall, and that it is always says it's twelve o'clock?"

They went to the dining hall and made it so the clock pointed to one o'clock. At that moment a miniature model of Chris' head came out of the clock holding the next clue in its mouth.

"I really hate that guy."

"Let's face it, the only reason we put up with Chris is the money."

"You already said that back in season two." said Sierra.

"I did?"

"Believe her; she's probably memorized every season word for word."

"Whatever. What's the next clue?"

"A really strange one."

Go up to the bridge and call for help.

But first you'll need three things, and you can find them all in a chessboard.

"We need three things and we can find them all in a chessboard?"

"Someone go get the chess set we used for our mock challenge."

They hadn't been to the bridge since their failed attempt to get control of the ship the night it crashed. Astonishingly one of the monitors was working, but it was asking for a password.

"Well… I don't see anything special." said Bridgette looking at the contents of the chess set.

"Hello guys, why is this word underlined?" asked Duncan.

"Because it's important?"

"Because it's the password."

Duncan typed the word chessboard on the console.

Access Denied

"You didn't really think it was going to be that easy, did you?" asked Courtney.

"Well I don't see you coming up with any bright ideas."

"The riddle said we need three things in the chess set. Obviously the password is one of the things inside it."

They tried typing in more words on the console, but none of them worked.

"Pawn… knight… rook… bishop… queen… king… castling… check… checkmate… black… white… darn it!"

"Anyone else have any ideas?"

"Three things and you can find them all in a chessboard… Wait a minute… The clue said chessboard, not chess set! Maybe there is something in the chessboard!"

"No offense Cody, but the chessboard is a little too thin to hide something in."

"Wait… He's right!" said John.

"He is?"

"Well… not in the way he's thinking."

John went over to the console and typed in three letters.

SOS

Access Granted

"Huh?"

"I don't get it." said Lindsay.

"I don't get it either."

"The riddle said we needed to call for help with three things that could be found in a chessboard. It meant three letters."

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"I've got to hand it to John, I never would have figured that one out."

More text came up on the monitor.

An Italian, a plumber, a carpenter, a doctor, and the president of a toy-making company all walk into a room with no windows and only one door. When a dinosaur walks in the same room moments later there is only one person inside. How is that possible?

"This is an easy one." said John.

"It is?"

"The answer is simple. The person in the room is Italian, and is also a plumber, a carpenter, a doctor, and the president of a toy-making company."

"Talk about being an overachiever." said Geoff.

"And the location of the next clue?"

If John wasn't wearing his helmet the others would have seen him smile.

"Boys, how many Italian plumbers do we know?"

Cody was the first to answer.

"Nintendo's legendary mascot, Mario!"

"And there is a painting of Mario in the library."

"Wait, when was Mario ever a carpenter?" asked Gwen.

"In his debut appearance, the 1981 Donkey Kong arcade game." said Harold. "But back then he was simply called Jumpman."

"And one of his alter egos is Dr. Mario… But what about being the president of a toy-making company?"

"Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis."

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"Boys…"

They went down to the library and looked behind the painting of Mario. Much to their surprise the next clue was clear and direct, but they didn't like what it said.

There is no big mystery about the next clue.

Inside the gorilla's cave, it's in plain view.

"Why do they have to be so cruel?"

"It's Chris."

"Okay… I know where the gorilla's cave is. Who's going with me?" asked John.

Everyone was quiet.

"Well don't everyone volunteer at once."

"What do you need us for anyway?" asked Heather.

"I'm the one with the most experience running from that trigger happy throwback. But while he's distracted I need one of you to run in and get the clue."

"I'll do it." said Duncan "I'm not scared of a walking rug."

"Tell that to Sasquatchanakwa."

"Let's just go get the clue."

The sun was setting on the horizon as John and Duncan crept across the island to the gorilla's cave.

"It just occurred to me that this is the farthest I've been from the ship since this ordeal began."

"As you can tell there isn't much to see on this island."

"Maybe the programmers are lazy, or maybe they don't get paid enough. I wonder how much money those little virtual pods and the ship is costing Chris and the show's producers."

"Well let's face it; they wouldn't be giving a million dollars away unless they could make at least five times as much. Shh… There it is."

The gorilla was sitting at the entrance of his cave watching the sun set and polishing his shotgun.

"Okay, remember the plan. I'll lead him away; you run in and find the clue. I'll meet you back at the ship."

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"When I first met John I thought he was just a diehard geek with two swords, but he's been risking his rear end to bring us something to eat besides beans since day two, he's the only person I know who's verbally declared that the reason my relationship with Courtney didn't work out was because she was being a royal pain in the ass, and now he's the one playing tag with King Kong while I grab the next clue."

"Hey! Donkey Kong! Over here!"

The gorilla raised his shotgun and gave chase.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"You couldn't hit a hummer limo that was standing still!"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Duncan waited until the gorilla was out of sight before he rushed into the cave.

"Okay… It said the clue is supposed to be easy to spot."

Sitting at the top of a big pile of bananas was a Gilded Chris.

"I really hate him."

Duncan looked at the Gilded Chris for any sign of a clue. There were some numbers carved into the bottom.

3818919

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"Sorry folks, but I'm afraid we're out of time. Join us next time as the castaways discover the location of the Buff of Life, and if I have anything to say about it, and I do, then it won't be easy getting there. What surprises do we have in store for the castaways? Who will be the first to fall? Find out next time right here on Total Drama Shipwreck!"

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Duncan and John made it back to the ship where the others were waiting.

"What does this mean?" asked Owen.

"Wait… Weren't there seven digits for the combination on the mystery box Chris left us?" asked Gwen.

"Oh yeah! I forgot all about that." said Beth.

"Well that number is seven digits."

They immediately went to the room where the mystery box was kept.

"What's the combination again?" asked Heather, who was already on top of it.

"Three, eight, one, eight, nine, one, nine."

"Three, eight, one, eight, nine, one, nine?" asked Sierra "Wait a minute… Oh jeez." Said sierra, facepalming.

"What?"

"I think the combination is really three, eight, eighteen, nine, nineteen."

"So? That's still seven digits."

"Substitute each number for that letter in the alphabet."

3.8.18.9.19

C.H.R.I.S.

"Ugh… I should've known." said Gwen.

Heather entered the combination and the box opened, but the Buff of Life wasn't inside. Instead there was a piece of paper.

"Wait a minute… Where's the vial of vinegar?"

"The what?" asked Duncan.

"Chris said this box worked like a cryptex, which means whatever was inside would be destroyed if we tried to force it open. In the Da Vinci Code the message is written on papyrus and is wrapped around a vial of vinegar, which would dissolve the message if it broke."

There was another note attached to the top of the inside box lid.

About the whole cryptex thing… I lied.

"I really-really-really hate that guy."

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"It doesn't matter how much they hate me, because I still get paid. Ha-ha!"

"Okay Heather, if this isn't the Buff of Life what is it?"

"Well I've got good news and bad news. The good news is it tells us where the Buff of Life is."

"Sweet! Where is it?" asked Owen.

"Well, that's the bad news."

Heather showed them what was written on the paper.

No more riddles, I'll tell you what you want to know

The Buff of Life is in the volcano

"The volcano!"

All the campers went out onto the deck and looked at the volcano that towered into the sky. Over the past thirty-five days they had been worried it might erupt or something.

"How are we going to get up there?" asked Leshawna.

"Maybe we won't have to."

"Why?"

"The message specifically said the Buff of Life is in the volcano, not on top of it."

It was then that Tyler noticed something.

"Hey look at this!" he said taking the message from Heather "There's a map on the back. Looks like there's a secret entrance!"

"Excellent, where is it?"

"It's uh… in the middle, between two waterfalls."

"Waterfalls? I've been all over this island more than once and I haven't seen any waterfalls." said John.

"Let me see… You're holding it sideways." said Izzy "See? It's east, by some broccoli."

"Or is it by three pieces of cauliflower?" asked Lindsay.

"Give me that!" said Noah taking the map "You morons it's west by two identical trees!"

"Don't worry, I know just where that is."

Confessional Cabin: Noah

"By three pieces of cauliflower or even better east by broccoli… If Owen actually fell for her again then he deserves any STDs he got. Oh wait; our real bodies are sealed in individual capsules… Well he deserves any STDs he would have contracted. I mean she was exposed to radiation in season three."

"Okay, are we going to stay here on the ship all night, or are we going to get this thing?" asked Courtney.

"Patience, first let's see if that gorilla with the gun is out there."

John and a few of the other guys looked out over the edge of the ship, but they didn't see any sign of their primate friend.

"Okay, the coast is clear."

Night had fallen on the island, but the castaways could see just fine because there was a full moon.

Confessional Cabin: Bridgette

"The one thing I'm going to miss about this virtual island is the stars."

"I can't believe we're finally going home!" said Geoff.

"I can't wait to see my mama!" said DJ.

"I can't wait to see my boyfriend!" said Beth.

"I can't wait to get my million." thought Heather.

"So John, what's the first thing you're going to eat when we get out of here?" asked Owen.

"Well… Right now I feel like smoked sausage with macaroni and cheese, just like grandma used to make."

"That sounds good."

Surprisingly the gang didn't meet any resistance as they made their way across the island to the place where the two identical trees were.

"Okay… Now what?"

"The entrance is supposed to be right here."

"Maybe there's a secret switch or something that we need to pull."

"Wait, why does the map point in-between the trees and out into the ocean? There's nothing there."

"Hmm… There's got to be something."

John walked in-between the two trees, but then his body just disappeared.

"John?"

"Where'd he go?"

Suddenly his head popped out from in-between the trees.

"I think I found it."

The trees must've acted as some kind of portal, because when everyone walked through it they found themselves in a really hot cavern.

"What is that smell?" asked Bridgett.

"It smells like rotten eggs or something." said Harold.

"We're in a volcano, it's the sulfur."

"So where's the Buff of Life." asked Courtney

Just then a huge TV rose out of the ground, and Chris appeared on the screen.

"You didn't really think it was going to be that easy did you?"

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"I know Chris like the back of my hand, so I knew that was going to happen."

"From here on you will face a series of obstacles the programmers and I have arranged for you. Naturally we made them so difficult that odds are most of you probably aren't going to make it, but each obstacle you overcome will bring you one step closer to the Buff of Life."

"What do you mean most of us aren't going to make it."

"In video games you are given lives. If you die in the game you lose one, if you have plenty of lives you get to try again, but if you run out of lives then the game is over and you lose. Naturally we're doing the same thing here."

"How many lives do we get?"

"Eighteen… one for each of you. So if any of you lose your only life then it's game over for you."

"How do you lose a life?" asked Courtney.

"If it kills you in real life then it kills you in here.

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"I had to ask."

"Touch the Buff of Life and you all go home. Be careful and make sure you do your best, remember we're trying to boost ratings here. Chris out."

"He's enjoying this isn't he?" asked Duncan.

"Most likely."

"Focus guys. We can get our revenge on Chris after we win this game." said John.

Confessional Cabin: Harold

"I once completed Donkey Kong Country using only one life, finding everything, and I did it all in less than an hour. I'm going all the way to the end."

Confessional Cabin: John

"I've beaten every single level in Halo Reach on legendary difficulty with all the skulls on. Victory is inevitable."

Confessional Cabin: Cody

"One time I had Pac-Man fever and played the game for hours without dying. I can do this!"




Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"I don't care how good the boys are at gaming. I didn't endure thirty-five days of the harsh virtual elements and Courtney's abuse just to get the boot. Whatever you've got Chris, bring it on."

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"Obviously John is the biggest competitor. Naturally my plan is to let him lead us to the Buff of Life, and then there are going to be a few small changes in the pecking order. And if some of the others happen to die along the way, less competition for me."

Meanwhile back in the real world there was someone waiting with Chris as Chef readied the nineteenth capsule.

"They're in the volcano."

"It's about time."

"Once sealed in your capsule you will immediately be teleported to the Chamber of Life where the Buff of Life is kept. If you manage to take out everyone who actually makes it there, then the million dollars is yours."

"Just make sure your obstacles don't take out Heather… That's my job."

The castaways walked down the tunnel that according to Chris led to the Buff of Life. So far the only obstacles they had encountered had been the heat and the smell of sulfur. The group was being led by John. Heather was standing right behind him and Courtney was at the back of the line, no doubt because she didn't want to be the first to fall prey to Chris' traps.

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"It's not just because I want to win, but even with that mask on John creeps me out. He's seen all three previous seasons, sure he's no Sierra, but he must know how much I want to win. Sure he acts nice to the others, but maybe on the inside he's just as bad as Heather or Alejandro."

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"This show has a habit of bringing out the worst in people, so far the worst we've seen of John is last night when he punched Courtney in the face. I can't wait to see what he does now that the million dollars is on the line"

"I thought Chris said there were obstacles, we've been walking for thirty-five minutes."

"Are you complaining?"

"No, I just want to find this Buff of Life and get out of here." said Duncan.

It was then that they all heard a loud metallic click.

"Guys… I think I just stepped on something."

"What something?" asked Noah.

A loud rumbling came from above.

"Move!"

All the castaways made a mad dash down the tunnel as huge fire balls came raining down from the ceiling.

Confessional Cabin: John

"A few years ago I would have never been able to run like that. But after my battle with cancer I learned to use my body or lose it."

It wasn't long before the tunnel took a steep downhill turn, but the fireballs kept coming.

"Owen, I'm really sorry about this but move your big fat bum!"

After being pushed by Courtney, Owen tumbled and rolled down the hill and into the others. The plus side of this was that the added velocity moved most of the castaways down the hill quicker.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me."

Noah had stood still for too long. He looked up in time to see a huge fireball coming right at him.

"Oh boy… Here comes the pain."

BAM!

"Noah!"

There was nothing left of Noah but a smoking crater. At that moment a loud computerized voice echoed throughout the cavern.

"Player Noah: Game over."

"Looks like we have our first loser." said Chris.

"What did you do with him?" demanded Owen.

"Don't worry, he's fine. But since he lost his one and only life, his mind will remain in the realm of losers until the end of the game. Anyone else who loses their life will join him."

"Oh well, he's wasn't a fan favorite anyway."

"Last I checked Heather, neither were you." said John.

"That's a burn!" said Beth.

"Well superhero wannabe, as your friends the Spaniards would say… Podría usted por favor llame al chico caliente pizza jóvenes, parece que hay un caimán bebé en mi estómago! I think we all know what that means."

"Yes, it means ‘could you please call the horny young pizza boy, there appears to be a baby alligator in my stomach.’"

"…Really?"

"Yes really."

All the other castaways broke down laughing.

The good news was that the fireballs had ceased dropping. They continued following the tunnel until they found themselves standing on the edge of an expansive canyon. There were only a few tall rocks in-between them and the other side, but what they were really worried about was way down at the bottom.

"Lava… Why does every video game have lava?"

"That's not quite true. I'm pretty sure there is no lava in any of the Halo games." said Cody.

"And besides, when it's under the ground it is called magma." said Harold.

"Whatever, how are we supposed to make it to the other side?"

For a moment the guys all looked at the tall rocks.

"We'll have to jump across." said John "I'll go first and make sure it's safe. Owen, you go last."

John leapt over to the nearest rock. He stood up slowly and made sure it was solid and strong enough to support his weight. After that he leapt across the other rocks until he made it to the other side, then he gestured for the others to follow.

"Me next!"

Izzy leapt across the rocks on her hands.

"I could do this in my sleep!"

Tyler leapt across next, followed by Heather, Courtney, Duncan, Geoff, Bridgette, Gwen, Cody, Sierra, Harold, and DJ.

"Whatever you do Lindsay, don't look down!"

Lindsay was understandably nervous.

"Give it a good run before you jump!"

Lindsay made it across the rocks, but when she jumped to the edge where the others were she slipped and started falling.

"No!"

Tyler leapt over and grabbed Lindsay as John and DJ grabbed onto him.

"Thanks guys."

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"John could've easily run ahead after he made it across the canyon. He could've easily let Tyler and Lindsay fall, then he would've had two less people to worry about when we made it to the Buff of Life. I don't get it… is he really that selfless? Back in season one even Courtney chose to go for the million over helping Duncan."

The rest of the castaways made it safely across the canyon, even Owen.

"Okay… Let's move on."

As they went down the next tunnel it started to get a lot colder. After about ten minutes the castaways were all shivering and could see their breath.

"It is way too cold for us to still be in the volcano." said Courtney.

"Obviously Chris is screwing with us." said Gwen.

The castaways came to a huge door made of what looked like very old oak.

"Aren't we going to open it?"

"I'm not going to be the first."

Duncan heaved the door open. The castaways found themselves in another cavern, but this time rows and rows of graves lined the ground. The only light was a few dim candles on the wall that seemed to shine light without heat.

"Nice… cozy… cheerful." said Duncan.

It was then that DJ noticed that John seemed to be breathing a lot harder than usual, and his hands were shaking.

"John… You okay?"

"I'm… I'm fine… It's just… It's just a little eerie in here."

Confessional Cabin: DJ

"I could tell that John was having a really hard time. He reminded me of me when I was supposed to touch that snake back in season one."

All the castaways were a little shaken as they made their way across the graveyard, but John had his swords out and seemed to jump at every little noise.

"There is someone in here with us…"

"That's your imagination."

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"Of course! A few years ago the poor guy was told he was going to die in a matter of months. He said he was actually sweating blood after that. If I were in his shoes I wouldn't be too comfortable walking through a graveyard either."

"Uh… guys… I think I've found something…" said Beth.

There were five huge unmarked graves arranged in a circle. A few feet away from them was what looked like a judge's bench, and the campers couldn't believe who was sitting in it.

"Oh my gosh, it's the puppet from Saw!" exclaimed Owen.

"His name is Billy." said Harold.

"This can't be good."

No sooner had Gwen finished her sentence that the puppet started talking.






"Hello campers… I want to play a game… You are all used to playing games for fun, fame, and fortune… but today you play a game for your lives. Life is fleeting and precious, some of you know this better than others. Despite the miraculous creation that it is, the human body is always doomed to fail. Death is an inevitable part of life, but only one of you has actually tasted death… Jonathan… Ever since your battle with cancer you have learned to cherish your life… but deep down… you are still afraid of death… I'm here to remind you that no amount of fear can stop what is inevitable… For you this will be chance to confront your fear… For the rest of you this will be a chance to have a taste of fear and death and too see things the way John does… The five men in the graves behind you are embodiments of death… Before you can proceed any further on your little quest, you must face and overcome them, but be careful… there are no extra lives in this game… live or die… make your choice."

BAM!

"What the hell what that?"

BAM!

They turned around and saw that something was banging against the stone lids on all five of the graves. Whatever was inside them was trying to get out.

BAM!

"Guy's… What's the plan here?"

No one answered Bridgette's question. But as the inhabitants of the graves struggled to free themselves the Billy puppet started laughing.

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"I love cliffhangers. Noah has already fallen, who will be next? Join us next time when our teenage castaways get a taste of fear, right here on Total Drama Shipwreck!"

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John hadn't felt his heart racing like this since the nightmares he had prior to his treatment.

"I'm not ready! I'm not ready!"

To add insult to injury Chris began to speak as the first of the graves burst open. He was talking like doing the starting lineup for a hockey game.

"From the state where everything is big, living proof that interbreeding is a really bad idea! Leatherface!"

The chainsaw wielding maniac burst out of the first grave spitting out a stream of gibberish.

"From Haddonfield Illinois, the bogeyman that just keeps going! Michael Myers!"

Michael jumped out of his grave silent as ever.

"From Woodsboro California, the serial killer of the 90's who is never the same person twice! Ghostface!"

"Hello everyone…What's your favorite scary movie?"

"Don't answer that… It's a trick question." whispered Gwen.

"From Elm Street, Springwood Ohio, the master of nightmares! Freddy Krueger!"

"You are all my children now!"

"And now the highest scoring psycho of all time! All the way from Camp Crystal Lake, the King of Killers himself! Jason Voorhees!"

Jason broke out of his grave wielding his machete.

"You've got to be kidding me…"

"This can't be real!"

"It isn't… They're just… game sprites, right?" asked Cody.

"They look real enough to me."

"Guys, I've seen enough horror movies to know there is only one thing to do in a situation like this." said Duncan.

"What?"

"RUN LIKE YOU'VE NEVER RAN BEFORE!"

Just like that the castaways were off, all except for DJ who stood frozen in fear.

"Hello? Anyone in there?" asked Ghostface waving his hand in front of his face "I don't believe it; he's out like a blown fuse."

"That's just sad… Leatherface, take care of him."

Leatherface wasted no time.

"Player DJ: Game over!"

"Alright boys… Let's go get 'em." said Freddy.

"This is unbelievable! How the hell did Chris get permission to use all those iconic serial killers for this game?" asked Courtney.

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"It cost the producers an arm and a leg, but you've got to spend money to make money. Besides, this is awesome!"

"Remember the rules of running in a horror movie!" said Harold "You need to be quick, don't fall down, don't look back, and don't scream because you're just wasting your breath!"

"I think you're wasting your breath right now by talking."

"Hurry up they're gaining on us!"

"Bridgette, I told you not to look back!"

The castaways wouldn't stop running until their legs gave out, but the gang of killers was right on their tail.

"The rules of horror movies dictate that blonde girls never make it." said Ghostface.

"That's not quite true." said Freddy "I can remember at least two occasions where my fun was spoiled by some blonde bitches."

"Whatever, let's kill them anyway."

"Sounds good to me… Jason?"

Most of the castaways knew how strong Jason was, so it came as no surprise to them when his machete came flying through the air toward Bridgette.

"NO!"

"GEOFF!"

Geoff jumped in front of Bridgette and the machete went right through his chest, but before his body hit the ground it disappeared.

"Player Geoff: Game over!"

"Geoff! GEOFF!"

Suddenly there was a bright flash of light, when it faded none of the castaways could move, and fortunately for them the killers weren't moving either.

"What the heck? What's going on?"

Then they heard Chef's voice.

"Please remain calm, the game has been paused. Chris had to use the can and he doesn't want to miss anything."

"You!" yelled Bridgette "You killed him! You killed him!"

"Calm down, he's not dead. His mind has just been sent to the Realm of Losers. When the game is over he'll be just fine. Didn't Chris already tell you that?"

"I just saw my boyfriend take a machete to the chest, excuse me if I'm a little outraged!"

"Yeah, it seemed so real."

CONFESSIONAL CABIN: JOHN

"It's all virtual, but your mind makes it real…" "It seems so simple… Just stop believing in these psychos and they disappear… And I will stop being afraid of them… right after I stop breathing."

"Sorry about the delay." said Chris at last "The game will resume in five… four… three… two…"

As soon as they could feel their legs again the castaways resumed running. Knowing the intentions of the psychos behind her Bridgette raced to the front, she was running so fast she didn't notice the tripwire in front of her.

BANG!

"OH MY GOD!"

Bridgette's body fell to the ground and disappeared.

"Player Bridgette: Game over!"

"Shotgun booby traps, just like in Saw!" said Duncan.

"So it's pick your poison. Booby traps or fictional serial killers."

"I don't know about you guys, but I'll take my chances with booby traps." said Cody.

"I second that."

"I third and fourth it!" said Sierra.

They kept running down the dark tunnel. They didn't give themselves a single moment to stop for breath, they forced themselves to run. The air had been cold since they first entered the graveyard, so John was very surprised when he felt a wave of heat surge through his legs from the ground.

"JUMP!"

Most of the castaways jumped before the ground beneath them opened into a pit of lava, but one of them wasn't so lucky.

"TYLER!"

The ground closed as Tyler's body disappeared.

"Player Tyler: Game over!

"Tyler!"

"Lindsay, if you want to survive a horror movie then you can't waste time grieving the dead." said Harold.

"He's dead?"

"He's not dead Lindsay, he's just in the realm of losers, but he'd want you to go on and win the million dollars." said Beth.

"Okay…"

They found themselves in a big room with a door; unfortunately they couldn't get it open.

"Perfect… Five killers on our tail and no way out. Perfect ending for a horror movie." said Duncan.

Courtney didn't watch a lot of horror movies, which was too bad because right now she was pretty much in one.

"What do we do? We're going to die! We're going to die!"

"No we're not!" said Gwen "Jigsaw always gives his victims a chance to save themselves, which means there's a way out of this."

"We're not dealing with Jigsaw, we're dealing with Chris Mclean." said Heather.

"That doesn't mean we should just lie down and die!" said Leshawna.

"She's right! If you want to survive a horror movie than there is one very important rule you need to follow in this situation." said Harold "When there is nowhere left to run and nowhere left to hide, you need to rise to the occasion!"

"Well then I hope we're all ready to rise… Because here they come now!"

Leatherface came running down the tunnel with his chainsaw in the air.

"You'd think eventually he'd run out of gas."

Leatherface may have been one of the scariest horror icons of all time, but Gwen knew he was far from being the smartest.

"Hey Leatherface! Look up!"

Much to everyone's surprise Leatherface stopped in his tracks and looked up at the ceiling.

"Now look down."

The pit trap opened up beneath Leatherface's feet and he fell into the lava.

"One down." said Gwen.

"What about the other four?"

"One thing at a time."

Ghostface came running down the tunnel and jumped over the pit.

"So… Who wants to play?"

"Wait a minute… What am I afraid of?" Duncan questioned "Ghostface isn't a juggernaut like Michael or Jason. He's just a coward in a mask, that's why he's never the same person twice!"

Duncan pulled out his own knife and stood to face the masked freak.

"Do you know how to use that thing?" he asked.

"Knife goes in, your guts come out." replied Ghostface.

"This is going to be easier than I thought."

"Please don't do anything stupid…" said Courtney.

"It almost sounds like you're worried about him." joked Gwen.

"Shut up."

For a moment Duncan and Ghostface just circled each other, and then Ghostface charged, Duncan however leapt to the side and nailed him down the back.

"Looks like first blood is mine."

"You filthy delinquent!"

"Pot this is kettle, come in over… What makes you think you'll ever be as good as the others? Jason and Michael take bullets all the time and just keep going. None of the people who wear your mask can even survive a single shot to the head. You're not a horror movie killer, you're just a chicken!"

"Who are you calling names?"

Ghostface charged angrily at Duncan again, but this time Duncan kicked the knife out of his hand and slashed him across the chest.

"You… smug… juvenile… I'LL KILL YOU!"

Despite the blood and the pain Ghostface charged at Duncan again, but he ran right into the wall. While he was distracted Duncan grabbed the masked killer's own knife. When Ghostface charged at him again Duncan took both knifes and jammed them into his head. There was blood everywhere as the body fell to the floor.

"Well that was easy… Kind of messy though… Good thing this wasn't real life, otherwise I'd be back in the slammer before you can say homicide."

"I'm not sure that would happen, technically what you did was in self defense."

"Really? And would you be the one defending my case Princess?"

"Not even if your life depended on it."

"In my court no defense would save you."

The castaways turned around to see that Freddy, Michael, and Jason had all entered the room.

"Why don't we have a trial right here and now?" asked Freddy "It's quick because I am the lawyers, the judge, the jury, and the executioner. You see I like to get the trial over with quickly, because it's the sentence where all the real fun is."

"I don't recognize the authority of this court." said Courtney.

"No one cares what a convicted criminal thinks."

"I'm not convicted until you hold trial and find me guilty."

"Okay then, let's take a vote. Who thinks they're guilty?"

Suddenly Freddy had twelve fingers and raised all of them.

"It's unanimous; I herby sentence you all to die very painful deaths."

Taking out Ghostface was one thing, but the three monstrosities facing the campers were known for their ability to take a beating.

Confessional Cabin: Owen

"To say I was scared would be an understatement. I've seen enough horror movies to know that anyone who loses their virginity ends up dead 99% of the time. But Izzy got mad at me after what happened back in season one, and I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice."

"You want a piece of me? Come and get it!" said Owen.

Freddy laughed.

"Why the rush? From the looks of you there's going to be enough for everyone."

"Time to unleash my wicked skills…"

Harold pulled out some shurikens and threw them at Michael, but the Halloween stalker just pulled them out without even grunting.

"Okay then… How about this!"

Harold pulled out his nunchakus, but they broke when he smacked Michael in the head with them.

Confessional Cabin: Harold

"I don't know why I thought that would work."

Confessional Cabin: John

"That's when it came to me… I knew that fighting those lunatics would essentially be suicidal, but if the others could stand up to them then so could I."

"Hey Michael! Pick on someone your own size!"

Michael turned and advanced toward John with his knife, so John pulled out his swords.

"My blades are bigger."

That's when Jason came over and shattered both of John's swords with one swing of his machete.

"Well darn."

Meanwhile Izzy was going head to head with Freddy.

"You know the rules girl… Anyone who has lost their virginity doesn't stand a chance in horror movies."

"Tell that to Alice Johnson. She lost her virginity and still beat you."

"I'm gonna make this slow and painful…"

Freddy slashed about with his glove, but Izzy was too fast for him.

"Ha-ha! Up high! Down low! Too slow!"

Izzy hit Freddy with a barrage of punches and kicks, but the master of nightmares just laughed it off.

"Well let's see how funny you think this feels… Owen, dodgeball!"

Owen picked up a huge rock from the ground and threw it with all his might; it knocked Freddy's head clean off his shoulders.

"Booyah! Who's the man?"

"Just for that, I going to chop you up and eat you for dinner!" said Freddy.

"Ah! The head lives!" screamed Beth.

Freddy's body walked over, picked up his head, and put it back on.

"I thought Freddy could only do things like that in his nightmare world!"

"Technically we are asleep."

"Then someone please wake me up!" said Beth.

"Sorry kiddies, but the program doesn't allow you to voluntarily drop out of the game, you're in for the duration."

John continued to keep Jason and Michael busy while Izzy and Owen tried to deal with Freddy. So far they had managed to keep it together, but they couldn't do this forever.

"There has to be a way out of this."

"What about that?"

They hadn't noticed it when the first ran in, but there was a box with a big question mark on it at the top of a tall stone column.

"That looks like a question block from Super Mario!" said Cody "Maybe there's something inside that we can use!"

"I'll get it!"

"Take your time, no hurry here." said John as he dodged another strike from Jason's machete.

Gwen climbed to the top of the stone column, but when she reached for the block she saw that there was something written on it as well as several buttons.

Which of the five horror icons you are currently fighting is the only one to have appeared in a video game for the NES?

Think hard, you only get one shot at this.

"What are you waiting for? What's in the box?"

"I can't get it open! We need to answer a question first!"

"What's the question?"

"Which of the five killers we're fighting was in a video game for the NES?"

"I know that one!" exclaimed Cody "It's Jason!"

"Are you sure? It says we only have one chance to get it right!"

"It's Jason, trust me!"

Gwen pressed the Jason button, and the box opened.

"There's nothing in here but a five-pointed star with two beady eyes!"

"Gwen! It's a Super Star from the Mario games! If you touch it you'll become temporarily invulnerable and will be able to kill anything with a single touch!"

"Really?"

"Yes! Really!"

"Sounds good to me…"

Gwen touched the star and immediately felt the effects.

"Whoa… I FEEL INCREDIBLE!"

Gwen jumped down from the column and landed before Jason, Michael, and Freddy. There was a rainbow of sparks dancing from her body.

"Uh-oh…" said Freddy.

"Okay… So who's first?" Gwen asked, cracking her knuckles.

Michael charged at Gwen, but when he got too close she just punched him and he disintegrated.

"Wow!"

"No way!"

"After all the trouble they had trying to kill him in the movies, she does it in one blow!" exclaimed Duncan.

"This girl is mine!"

Freddy came at Gwen, but it had the same result.

"Okay Jason, now you get yours."

Jason wasn't exactly Stephen Hawking, but he wasn't stupid. He tried to keep his distance from Gwen and slash with his machete, but Gwen blocked it with the side of her hand and it shattered. Then she took out Jason with a single punch.

"Holy crap!"

The sparks faded. Gwen's invulnerability may have only been temporary, but it was fun while it lasted.

"How was that?" she asked.

"Not bad… not bad at all." said Leshawna.

"Not bad for a girl."

"Hey! That was pretty good for Mario himself!"

"How many did we lose?"

"We lost DJ, Geoff, Bridgette, and Tyler. That's four." said Sierra.

"And we lost Noah to those fireballs, so it's five all together."

The huge door flung open. The tunnel was blocked by another Billy puppet sitting in a chair.

"Congratulations… The thirteen of you have survived and in doing so learned a valuable lesson… The only way to be rid of fear is to face it… Death is inevitable, but you can't let it stop you from living."

"Wait… What's that?"

The Billy puppet was holding an envelope in hand. But what really surprised everyone was that it had Heather's name on it.

"I've seen enough Saw movies to know that it's probably important, whatever it is. You better open it Heather."

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"Why would Chris give clues to Heather? If she wins two seasons in a row then I doubt that will do wonders for the show's ratings, which I know is all he cares about."

Heather opened the envelope. The others were expecting a key or something, but the only thing inside was a message.

Remember, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.

"What the hell does that mean?"

Inside the chamber where the Buff of Life was kept, someone powerful and quite mad was waiting for the castaways to arrive, and he was getting impatient.

"Where the hell are they?"

"They've just made it through the graveyard." said Chris.

"How many?"

"Thirteen, the rest didn't make it. You'll be pleased to hear that Heather is still among them. But I'm not sure the fans are pleased about that. I'm not either. Don't you watch horror movie? The bitch never makes it."

"This isn't a horror movie; it's a fucking video game."

"Point taken."

"Just make sure Heather gets here, so I can kill her. And make sure the million dollars is ready when I get out."

"Will do."

"Do you still think it was a good idea to put him in the game?" asked Chef "What if he wins? Or what if Heather wins? That won't be good for ratings, which is all you care about."

Chris made sure the mic was off before he answered.

"You really think I would have put him in the game or allowed Heather back if I thought they could actually win this?"

"And who dare I ask is going to beat him?"

"Who do you think?"

"Hmm… That still leaves a lot to chance."

"Chef my friend, if you're good at anticipating the human mind, you leave nothing to chance."

"You stole that from a Saw movie."

"Whatever. Let's see what those teenage freaks are up to."

Even though they were out of the graveyard the castaways moved slowly down the next tunnel. Someone like Chris would probably place more booby traps along the way to the Buff of Life.

"So John, where did you learn to fight like that?"

"Yeah, not many people have actually gone head to toe with Jason Voorhees and lived to tell about it." said Izzy "I would know because I've seen every Friday the 13th movie like thirteen times each! My favorite part is the scene in Jason Takes Manhattan where he punches that kid's head clean off his shoulders!"

"I learned shortly after I recovered from my treatment. I survived a battle with cancer only to find myself in another narrow escape with my life."

"What happened?" asked Beth.

"Angela wanted to go trick or treating. Mom was working late as always so naturally I had to take her. We were on our way home when suddenly we turn around and there was this really-really-really ugly man behind us. He had child molester written all over him."

"You mean like a tattoo?" asked Lindsay.

"No Lindsay, not like a tattoo. The next thing we knew we were running for our lives. I wasn't entirely over my chemotherapy, and I fell down from exhaustion. He grabbed Angela, so I forced myself to get up, but he just punched me on the bad side of my face, which still hurt like hell. Just when I thought this was going to be our last Halloween, this woman comes out of nowhere and shoots the guy in the head. Turns out she was the mother of one of this guy's other victims, and he got off on a technicality. Since then I've made sure that I'd never be that helpless again."



Confessional Cabin: Cody

"John has skill and luck. He's like Master Chief or something! Too bad that means I probably have no chance of winning this contest."

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"As an expert on Total Drama, I can guarantee that luck never lasts, good or otherwise. Still John does have his skills to fall back on."

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"Turning the others against John isn't going to be easy. The only person who would probably help me is Courtney, and we're not exactly buddy-buddy. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll be killed by Chris' next insane obstacle."

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"If I have to lose to anyone I want it to be to John. Then again Chris probably has the game rigged so he will win."

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"Of course the game is rigged. Chris specifically picked him for this show. Imagine what it will do for the ratings if the next person to win Total Drama is a cancer survivor. When I get out of here, Chris is going to pay."

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"Ooh… I'm shaking in my boots. And for the record the game isn't rigged, that wouldn't be very good for ratings. But I will admit I have stacked the decks a little."

Ever since they left the graveyard the tunnel's temperature got scalding again, but it was better than being chased by a gang of famous fictional serial killers.

"I don't want to jinx it, but this is way too easy. We've been walking for another good fifteen minutes" said Leshawna.

"Maybe Chris is expecting us to pass out from the heat." said Duncan "Not happening."

"John, isn't it really hot in that outfit."

"It's ventilated. It took that into consideration when I designed it."

Confessional Cabin: Beth

"I feel so sorry for John… Maybe Brady knows someone we can fix him up with."

They continued down the tunnel until they came to another big door. When they heaved it open most of the guys screamed.

"BOWSER!"

"Will you guys calm down, it's just a statue."

"Oh…"

The castaways were staring at a giant golden likeness of the Koopa King, but there was nothing else in the room.

"Wait a minute…"

John walked over and tapped on the statue, it sounded hollow.

"This is a door."

"Excellent observation."

Without warning Chris' holographic face appeared in the room

"As most of the boys here probably know, Bowser is not only the King of Koopas, but is pretty much the god of video game villains. So before you can proceed any further, two of you need to willingly sacrifice yourselves."

"What?"

"That's right; two of you need to take a one way ticket to realm of losers in order for the others to continue on the road to the Buff of Life. With thirteen of you, who will be the odd two out."

"Eleven is still an uneven number." said Courtney.

"Whatever… You have five minutes to decide, before I decide for you."

"Okay… Two people have to go, so who's it going to be?"

All the castaways looked at Heather.

"I said willingly sacrifice themselves, I don't think she qualifies." said Chris.

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"I can't believe I'm saying this… but thank you Chris."

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"Oh come on… Who in their right mind is going to give up a chance to win a million dollars?"

"I'll do it!" said Izzy.

"What?"

"I've always wanted to know what it was like to be sacrificed."

Confessional Cabin: John

"Izzy is one hundred percent nuts, but that's why the Total Drama fans love her. Looks like Owen really won the lottery on that one. Good catch there buddy."

"Izzy wait! I just want you to know… Even though it technically didn't actually happen… last night was the best night of my life."

"Awwww…." said Both Lindsay and Beth.

"Don't worry big O, we can fix that later."

"I'll do my best to make sure I win the million dollars, and then it'll be that much sweeter!"

"As touching as this is, I think I should point out that you still need one more sacrifice."

"Not it!" said Courtney

"If no one volunteers in the next four minutes, it might be you anyway."

As expected, no one was stepping forward.

"Tick… tock… tick… tock… tick tock tick tock tick tock and…"

"Wait! I will perform the necessary heroics!" said Harold.

Confessional Cabin: Chef

"Sacrificing himself for the rest of squad. What a good soldier."

Confessional Cabin: Harold

"If there's one thing I've learned from the hours I've spent watching movies, it's that women dig a man who is willing to sacrifice everything."

"In that case… Will the two sacrificial lambs please step onto the giant staue's hands."

Izzy and Harold each stood on a hand.

"See you on the other side!" said Izzy.

They both vanished in a blaze of fire and the statues mouth opened. After the remaining campers crawled through they found themselves in the biggest cavern yet. There was a long stone road suspended over an entire ocean of lava.

"Okay castaways it's time for your next challenge!" said Chris.

"I can hardly wait…" said Gwen.

"Don't worry; this one is going to be quick and fun."

"Whenever Chris says the challenge is going to be fun, he means fun for him to watch." whispered Sierra.

"It's time for the Great Yoshi Race!"

"The what?" asked Heather.

"It's easy; all you have to do is race across the cavern… while riding… Yoshis!"

Eleven different colored Yoshis appeared in front of the campers.

"Dibs on the white one!" said John.

"Dibs on the black one!" said Gwen.

"Dibs on the green one!" said Duncan.

"Aww! They are so cute!" said Lindsay "I call the pink one!"

Soon all the castaways had selected their Yoshi, but Owen could tell there was probably going to be a problem with his.

"I think we better give it Super Mushroom." said Chris.

Owen mounted his Yoshi when it was big enough to support his weight.

"To make this race interesting, there will be a series of obstacles along the track. The first person to cross the finish line wins an extra life. For you deadbeats who have never played a video game in your lives that means if you die in this game you'll get a second chance instead immediately being sent to the realm of losers."

"Sounds good to me."

"Okay we're burning moonlight… On your mark... get set… go already!"

The castaways immediately set off down the track.

"And they're off!" said Chris "It's John and Courtney shooting off into the front, with Duncan and Cody close behind, followed by Gwen, Sierra, Lindsay, Beth, Heather, Leshawna, and Owen! Their rounding the corner… John and Courtney still tied for the lead!"

"Get along little Yoshi! Yee-haw!" said Duncan.

"Onward Roxie!" said Lindsay.

"Do the individual Yoshis have names?" asked Sierra.

"Not really."

"Shy Guys and Goombas at twelve o'clock!" said John.

"What do we do?"

"You don't have to do anything, except hope that your Yoshi is hungry."

When they got close enough the Yoshis ate anything in their path, and then they all laid some eggs which trailed behind them.

"What do we do with these?"

"You throw them."

"Really…"

"Heather, I know what you're thinking, and I think you better save your ammo."

"Why?"

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"That's why!"

A whole battalion of Bullet Bills came flying at them.

"Don't fire until you see the… Aw go ahead, blast 'em!" said Duncan.

Fortunately for the girls, the guys all had enough video game experience to take out the Bullet Bills, but then a huge Banzai Bill that took up the whole track came flying at them.

"JUMP!"

All the castaways were able to jump over the Banzai Bill. However John, Courtney, Duncan, and Cody got a huge lead.

"Rainbow shells!"

Courtney jumped over the Rainbow shells; but John, Duncan, and Cody all had their Yoshi's swallow one. In a matter of moments they came to an impossibly large gap in the track.

"What the heck? How are we supposed to cross that?" asked Courtney.

"Like this!"

Much to Courtney's surprise; John, Duncan, and Cody all jumped right off the cliff. But their Yoshi's all sprouted wings and started flying across the gap.

"Yoshis can fly?"

"They can if they eat one of those shells you saw a moment ago."

"Ugh… Why can't anything ever be easy?" asked Courtney as she ran back to get one of the shells.

"And they've touched down! It's John and Duncan! It's going to be really close… Cue the cheesy inspirational music!"

As John and Duncan came to the finish line Chris started playing the theme from Chariots of Fire.

"Oh jeez…"

At the last moment Duncan's Yoshi stuck its tongue out over the line.

"And it's Duncan by a tongue!"

"Booyah!"

They waited for the other castaways. Remarkably they all made it.

"Okay Duncan. Since you crossed the finish line first you have a choice. You can either keep the extra life for yourself… or you can use it to bring someone who has already lost back into the game."

"Wait a minute! I thought you said no one is allowed back after they've lost!"

"Courtney, you should know by now that he's full of shit every time says that."

"I think I'll just keep it for myself." said Duncan.

"Okay… Here you go."

A green mushroom with two beady little eyes appeared in Duncan's hand.

"Uh… What am I supposed to do, eat it?"

"It's a mushroom. I don't expect you to play poker with it."

"Whatever, I've had worse."

Duncan stuck the mushroom in his mouth and ate it.

"Wow… Surprisingly good."

"We better get going. The Buff of Life isn't going to find itself."

"Can I get a picture with Roxie first?" asked Lindsay.

"We don't have a camera."

"Chris, can't you take a screenshot or something?"

"Please Chris, please!"

"Alright already… Jeez…"

CLICK

As the castaways continued their walk down the tunnel Cody started humming the underground theme from Super Mario Bros.

"Can you not stop that for five minutes?" asked Courtney.

"Hey he's just trying to lighten the mood."

"How much longer do you think this thing is?" asked Leshawna.

"Well… Only one of us can win the million dollars, and there are still eleven of us."

"But we've already fought Freddy Krueger, Leatherface, Michael Myers, Ghostface, and Jason Voorhees. And who knows how much money Chris and the producers spent to get permission to use all that Nintendo stuff."

"Sierra, do you have any insight?"

"It's Chris we're talking about. He'll more than likely try to prolong our suffering as long as possible, and if he doesn't then he'll end the show with a bang… A very loud bang… Classic Chris."

"Can we stop for a minute?" asked Owen "I have to go to the bathroom."

"There's nowhere for you to go."

"That didn't stop us back at Camp Wawanakwa." said Duncan.

"Is it number one or number two?"

"Number one."

"Go back there and do your business."

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"I could've just gone ahead while those losers were waiting for Owen, but Bridgette's little encounter with a shotgun showed me it's not always a good idea to be the first person in the line."

After Owen was done doing his business they continued down the tunnel.

"Okay, these long walks in-between insane challenges are really getting old." said Gwen.

"Chris is just trying to wet our appetites for whatever he has placed ahead of us."

As they walked the tunnel got hotter and the air got heavier.

"Okay… I need to sit down now."

When Lindsay sat down she immediate shot back up.

"Oww! That's worse than hot sand at the beach!"

Duncan and John seemed to being doing fine, but most of the girls and Owen were starting to succumb to the heat. It wasn't long until Beth actually passed out.

"Whoa… She didn't even react to the hot ground. She must really be out of it."

"Then isn't the game over for her?"

"Chris said if it kills us, not if it makes us pass out."

After that Beth spent the rest of the journey over John's shoulder.

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"Oh come on! If we left Beth back there it would have been one less person for him to worry about! It's like he doesn't care about the million dollars at all!"

"I don't want to go to bed now daddy…" muttered Beth "I'm not even tired."

"There is a certain TV show host out there… who needs to die!" said Gwen.

"Heads up guys! Over there!"

There was another Billy puppet sitting in a chair a few feet away from them.

"I thought we already passed the horror fest!"

The Billy puppet was holding another envelope with Heather's name on it. The puppet started laughing as soon as they took it.

Confessional Cabin: Leshawna

"Seriously, what's with all these clues for Heather? If she wins two seasons in a row we'll never hear the end of it."

The message in the envelope was only two words long.

Last Chance

"Last chance for what?"

"Why are these things never clear?" asked Heather.

"Because if they were it wouldn't be much of a challenge."

They continued their gruelling walk down the tunnel, but it wasn't long until they reached a sight that stopped them dead in their tracks.

"How pretty…" said Beth regaining her senses "A golden door… GOLDEN DOOR?"

"Open it! Open it!" said Courtney, for whom the heat no longer seemed to have any effect.

Duncan made to open the door, but his hands instantly flew from the handle.

"OWW! Hot! Hot! Hot!"

"I'll do it."

John was the one wearing gloves, but it didn't look like he was strong enough to open the door by himself.

"Pull!"

Owen came to John's aid, and that's when they felt a wave of even hotter air smack them in their faces. Inside was another huge cavern with a huge stone floor suspended over a pool of lava. But what really got their attention was on the other side. At the top of a huge stone pedestal was the glowing image of the Buff of Life.

"It's beautiful!" said Lindsay.

"It's mine!"

Heather was already on the move, but John tackled her into the ground.

Confessional Cabin: John

"I would just like to say once again, that I would never hit a girl! But this is Heather we're talking about, and there was a million dollars on the line."

"It's mine!" said Owen.

"In your dreams!"'

Courtney dashed into the lead, but Duncan was right behind her.

"Not today princess."

"Oh my god! What the heck is that?"

"What?"

"Duh!"

Without warning Courtney kicked Duncan in the groin.

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"I can't believe I actually fell for that old trick."

"This is it! I'm actually going to…"

WHAM!

"Oww…"

Only a few feet away from the stairs that led up to the Buff of Life, Courtney seemed to hit an invisible wall.

"Ha-ha! Not so fast Ms. Eager Mc'Beaver." said Chris "I've still got one more obstacle for you. One last game of musical chairs."

"We're going to play musical chairs?" asked Lindsay.

"That was a figure of speech."

"Haven't we been through enough?"

"Let me think about that… No. No video game would be complete without a final boss. Mario and Bowser, Donkey Kong and King , Sonic the Hedgehog and Dr. Eggman, Link and Ganondorf, Harry Potter and Voldemort, Mega Man X and Sigma."

"Oh no! You're going to fight us using a giant robot exo-skeleton!" exclaimed Sierra.

"No… But that's a good idea… Not to self: Robot exo-skeleton, make it happen."

"So what are we fighting? Über Chef? Mecha- Sasquatchanakwa?"

"A giant man-eating cheeseburger?" asked Owen.

"No, no, and what are you thinking? I thought long and hard trying to come up with the best way to end this little game of ours. And I'm pleased to announce that he was all too happy join us. Ladies and losers please welcome your old friend… Darth Alejandro!"

"What did he just say?" asked Heather.

Suddenly the cavern was filled with the sound of deep breathing and the snap-hiss of a lightsaber activating. It only took them a minute to realize that the noise was coming from behind them. They all turned around and just about everyone screamed.

"I've been waiting for you Heather… When we last met I was only a freshman, now I am the upperclassman."

Owen was still screaming.

Confessional Cabin: Owen

"If you ask me, that was the scariest part of the season. Even worse than when we fought Jason Voorhees and friends brought to life."

“3, 2, 1 aaaand we’re back!” Alejandro said, snapping his fingers.

"I knew it!" said Lindsay "It's some guy in a helmet!"

"Correct Lindsay, but more specifically it's Alejandro."

"Oh… He doesn't look very happy to see us…"

"On the contrary… I'm absolutely giddy."

Alejandro was dressed in suit of armor that looked like Sauron from Lord of the Rings had decided to become a Sith. Through his helmet his eyes glowed a fierce blood red that matched the blade of the lightsaber he was holding.

"If you're here for Heather she's right there." said Leshawna.

"Yeah, all yours buddy."

"As much as it would pleasure me to make her suffer, I'm afraid that will be insufficient."

"That's right campers." said Chris "Before any of you can claim the Buff of Life you must face and defeat Alejandro in armed combat. But if he manages to beat all of you, then he'll be the one taking home the million dollars."

"What?"

"You're telling me that after all the shit you've put us through this season, you're giving someone who probably hasn't even spent an hour in your virtual nightmare a chance to win the million dollars instead?"

"Over my cold lifeless corpse!" said Courtney.

"That's the idea."

"You will each be given your own lightsaber for this fight."

A rack of lightsabers rose out of the ground.

"Wow! This is cool!" said Owen activating his.

"How does this thing work?" asked Gwen.

"If I'm not mistaken this little dial here controls the blade's length."

"Which do you think looks best with my eyes?" asked Lindsay.

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"I can probably do this, I just have to pretend it's a very long futuristic knife."

Confessional Cabin: Leshawna

"We could really use Harold right now."

Confessional Cabin: Beth

"Everyone in the world knows what Star Wars is, but I don't think I know it well enough to actually wield one of these things."

Confessional Cabin: Cody

"I still owe Alejandro for what he did to me last season. Fortunately I've seen every single Star Wars movie like fifteen times!"

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"This just isn't fair! I've been stuck on this virtual island for thirty six days with nothing to eat but beans, bananas, and fish, and now this? I don't know how to use a sword, let alone a lightsaber! People don't carry swords today, they carry guns!"

After all the castaways had chosen their weapons Alejandro walked over to the center of the arena.

"So… Which one of you wants to die first?"

"If you think I'm going to let you get away with this…"

"I've already won, and you Heather are so dead you're alive… Actually that doesn't make any sense… Whatever, you know what I mean."

"Okay… Who's going first?"

"Heather?"

"I don't know how to use this thing! What purpose will sending me out there serve?"

"Better you than us."

"I'll take him!"

"Cody, I know you have some guff with him, but don't be a hero." said Gwen.

"Think of the million dollars." said Sierra.

"Maybe Duncan should do it."

"Why?"

"Because last I checked, you're the only one here with two lives."

"Maybe John should have the honor of beating Alejandro… After all he's the… sword guy." said Heather.

"John, do you think you're up for it?"

"There was a time when Star Wars was my entire life."

"Is that a yes?"

Confessional Cabin: John

"From what I know about season three, I can see Alejandro getting the lead role in a Zorro movie, but I don't think he's beaten both Force Unleashed games at the highest difficulty possible."

Confessional Cabin: Alejandro

"Excellent. If I can take out their leader then the rest will be cake."

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"If John wins then there is no way I can stop him from getting the Buff of Life, but if Alejandro wins then we might as well be sucking weed killer… unless…"







Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"I can't believe this… If I want any chance of getting to the Buff of Life then I need to put my faith in someone who broke my nose and scared the hell out of me. Even if he wins then my chances of winning are still slim at best. John is the strongest of us, and there's no way I could turn the others against him… I don't even have Duncan to fall back on anymore… I just want to throw myself in a hot bath and cry."

John and Alejandro took their places in the center of the stone arena suspended over the lava. John took his blue bladed lightsaber and seemed to salute Alejandro.

"What's he doing?"

"Count Dooku did the same thing in Attack of the Clones. It's just a way of saying, bring it on."

"Before we begin John, there is something you should know about us…"

"What?"

"I am your father's roommate's daughter's best friend's ex!"

"Huh?"

"Wait, what does that make us?" asked Lindsay.

"Nothing at all, I just thought it would be an interesting fact of the day."

"If you're quite done, can we get this show on the road?" asked Chris.

"Sure."

"Okay… Wait, first we need some dramatic background music."

Within moments the cavern was filled with music.

"The boss theme from Super Empire Strikes Back?" asked Cody.

"There's no school like old school… Now let the duel begin!"

For a long time John and Alejandro just stared each other down.

"Uh… Sometime today."

John raised his lightsaber and started to charge, but at the last moment he stopped. Alejandro had positioned his lightsaber to parry the attack that wasn't coming, so John took the opportunity to land a couple vicious strikes. Alejandro was quickly back on his feet, but all he seemed to do with his attacks was force John back and then pause.

"I've seen this before. He wants me to use up all my energy before he lets his loose… Well it won't work."

John pressed the attack again. When his saber was locked with Alejandro's he decided to use one of his two free limbs, which weren't either of his hands.

"Oh yeah! Right where it hurts! Huh?"

Though he had been kicked in the groin, Alejandro didn't seem fazed.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I came prepared."

He tapped the codpiece of his armor and it made a metallic clang.

"Well how's your chest piece?"

"Huh?"

Without warning John kicked Alejandro in the chest and sent him flying.

"Alright that's it!"

Alejandro charged at John and started to hammer him to the edge of the arena.

"You are in hell Scarface, and I am the devil."

"I figured that out on my own. I could see your horns through your bad hair."

"What did you say?"

"I said… your hair looks like someone ran over a raccoon."

"GASP!"

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"If Alejandro spent even half as much money to fix what happened to him in Hawaii, then he must've been really pissed. Talk about fighting a bull while dressed in red."

"NOW YOU DIE!"

As Alejandro charged John leapt over him and slashed.

"AAAAAAHHHH!"

There was a big smoking scar across Alejandro's right bicep.

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"It's only funny till someone gets hurt… Then it's hilarious, Ha-ha!"

"First blood baby! Yeah!" said Duncan.

"Don't forget, it's not over until we here that creepy voice say it's over."

"Courtney, are you trying to jinx us?" asked Gwen.

"What's the point, even if John wins then he's going to go right ahead and take the Buff of Life."

"Maybe… But I think we stand a better chance with him than we do against the son of Satan over there."

"She's just upset because not even her lawyers can win this season for her, then again they never have."

"Catch Ebola and die."

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"Courtney doesn't show it, but I know she's still in love with Duncan, even after he kissed Gwen behind her. She claims she burned everything that had to do with him, but being the expert Total Drama super-fan that I am I know she didn't burn everything."

"Well… I must admit I'm impressed…" said Alejandro "You might actually have what it takes to beat me in a fair fight… Unfortunately for you… I never fight fair."

Alejandro's whole body suddenly became radiant with a crimson glow. Right before everyone's eyes the wound on his bicep was healed.

"You're kidding me! Alejandro can use the force?" asked Cody.

"Well we don't call him Darth Alejandro for nothing." replied Chris.

"That's the force?"

"Of course it is! Don't you play the video games?"

"Of course she doesn't, she's a girl."

"Okay… Force-sensitives can use the force to rapidly speed up the natural healing process."

"They can also do this…"

Alejandro deactivated his lightsaber and threw his hands out and blue electricity flew from his fingertips.

"Sith Lightning!"

Despite the ferocity of Alejandro's attack, John just raised his lightsaber and blocked it.

"You'll have to do better than that."

"I can and I will…"

Alejandro started glowing again and he still hadn't reactivated his lightsaber, instead he cupped his hands together.

"What's he doing?"

"Maybe he's going to do a Force Push?"

"Kaaaa… Meeeeee…"

"What? No way!"

"What's going on?"

"Haaaaaa… Meeeee…"

Alejandro's glow became a lot more violent.

"Everybody hit the deck!"

"HAAAAAAAAAA!"

John and the others ducked just as Alehandro fired a insanely huge Kamehameha wave that left a huge hole in the wall.






Confessional Cabin: Chris

"Huh? Wait a minute…"

(Flipping rapidly through papers)

"There are no Kamehameha waves in my game program!"

"I thought you were supposed to be a Sith Lord, not a Dragon Ball Z villain!" yelled John.

"I'm just full of surprises."

Confessional Cabin: Leshawna

"I know Alejandro is supposed to be the final boss, but giving him the ability to put that big a hole in the wall is serious overkill."

Confessional Cabin: Alejandro

"I could tell right from the beginning that Chris was planning on having Scar-Face beat me, but I'm not too worried about that. Everyone who is anyone has a computer, but people like me know how to put them to good use."

"I hope that last attack wasn't too much for you… I'm just getting warmed up!"

Alejandro raised his hands and giant balls of lava rose out of the lake below.

"Well this isn't going to be good." said Beth.

"Understatement of the century."

"Ready or not here I come! Torpedo number one, away!"

As the huge ball of lava came flying at him John charged like a football player to the side and dodged it.

"Torpedoes number two and three, away!"

For the first lava ball John had to duck, and when the next one came he had to roll backwards. He could feel the intense heat as the ball exploded in front of him.

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"John is supposed to win this so we get ratings! Honestly what are we paying these programmers for?”

Suddenly a Question Block appeared right next to where John was standing. He was relieved to see that it didn't have an actual question on it like the one in the room where they fought Jason and the others. He punched it open and what he saw inside filled him with confidence.

John ran into position and started to open fire.

"What the fu…"

Alejandro didn't have time to finish his sentence. He had to pull out his lightsaber to block the oncoming shots, but he didn't manage to block all of them.

"Son of a…"

He didn't bother to finish that sentence either. He knew his only chance to Force Heal was while John was reloading.

"Okay Chris… You want to play hardball? I'll play hardball."

Alejandro smashed the ground beneath him with his fists, and he pulled out two M7Ss.

Confessional Cabin: John

"Oh come on! Everyone knows that the dual-wield feature was dropped after Halo 3!"

"Take cover!" yelled Cody.

BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA

While the other castaways were hiding behind some rocks, John was running around the arena trying to dodge the stream of bullets flying at him.

As John ran another Question Block appeared beside him and he found another fully loaded M6D inside.

As soon as Alejandro had to change clips John returned fire.

BANG-BANG- BANG-BANG- BANG-BANG

BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA

"What the hell are you morons doing?" yelled Heather.

"Um yeah, all those gunshots, that means they're having a battle stupid!" said Duncan.

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"And it's AWESOME!"

John and Alejandro continued firing away at each other until they finally ran out of ammo.

Confessional Cabin: John

"Never fails. Just when I have him at my mercy, I run out of ammo. That's why I carry swords."

With no other alternative John and Alejandro reignited their lightsabers.

"Parry… parry… strike… lunge…"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm observing Alejandro's fighting style in case I need to step in." said Cody.

"Hopefully it won't come to that."

"This is tense!" exclaimed Beth "Who's going to win?"

"I say John is our man!"

"I just hope he can keep fighting at that pace."

Alejandro was tough, but John wasn't backing down. Suddenly they just stopped without warning, and the others found they couldn't move either.

"What?"

"Chris said he needed to go to the bathroom again, he doesn't want to miss anything." said Chef.

"Chris never has to go to the bathroom this often." said Sierra.

"You know how often he goes to the bathroom?"

"He's probably sweating like an animal at the slaughterhouse and needs to change clothes or something." said Duncan.

Confessional Cabin: Alejandro

"It was then that I remembered that an opponent who's angry is bound to make a fatal mistake. After Duncan came back in season three Courtney spent the rest of the season mad at him, and that little push was all it took to bend her to my will."

"Sorry about the delay." said Chris at last "You may resume fighting in three… two… one… now!"

John and Alejandro jumped at each other and their sabers were locked.

"Who do you even bother fighting? You are a dead man."

"Not if I kill you first." said John.

"That's not what I meant…"

Alejandro exerted his strength to shove John back.

"I know all about you John… I've been watching all of you since the first day… My curiosity got the better of me and I managed to get a hold of your medical records… Your prognosis isn't good."

"You're an asshole; they haven't found a trace of cancer in my system since my treatment ended!"

"You know the thing about cancer is that it's unpredictable. According to your last checkup it looks like they missed a spot, only this time there's no way they can safely remove it. You're a dead man walking."

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"Now even I think that was low."

"You lie!"

"Do I? Or do you cancer patients just don't know when to give up?"

John had heard enough, he charged at Alejandro and unleashed a fierce barrage of attacks, but Alejandro stood strong.

"Come on John…"

Once again their sabers were locked, then suddenly Alejandro's hand flew from his saber and blasted John in the face with Sith Lightening.

"AAAAAGGGGGHHH!"

"My favorite part of the game… sudden death."

John was the toughest person the Total Drama castaways had ever met. He had been strong enough to survive a battle with cancer, but all it took to bring him down was a lightsaber through the chest.

"NOOOOOOO!"

"NOOOOOOO!"

"NOOOOOOO!"

"JOHN!"

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"MY RATINGS!"

When Alejandro pulled his lightsaber out of John's stomach his words were so cold it sent a chill down everyone's spines.

"Game over…"

As John's body disappeared the computerized voice said nothing. The damage had been done.

"So who's next?" asked Alejandro facing the remaining castaways.

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"I think I speak for all my fellow competitors when I say… The number 2 has hit the fan."

"So, is anyone going to step forward, or should I just pick one of you at random?" asked Alejandro.

Confessional Cabin: Alejandro

"Even if they all charged me at once, look at them… Duncan may have two lives, but that just means he has the honor of dying twice. Lindsay and Beth are harmless, Owen and Leshawna are just big targets, Sierra is completely worthless without her precious pathetic Cody, and I doubt Gwen and Courtney have ever held a weapon in their lives. Heather may be my female equal, but this time I'm not falling for her… I hope."

"Guys… I hate to be the bearer of bad news… but I think we're screwed." said Gwen.

"I reluctantly admit that she's right." said Heather.

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"The Buff of Life was so close and yet so far away… But there was no way I'd ever get past Alejandro… Get it together! You're pathetic!"

(crying)

"What's wrong with you guys?" said Owen "It's not over yet! Was it over when the Koopas glassed Reach?"

"Owen, I think you might be getting your video games mixed up."

"No! Because it's never over till the credits roll! Al, you might be big, powerful, and evil, but we are the competitors of Total Drama!"

"Glory, glory to the campers! Glory, glory to the campers!"

"We came to this show with our brains full of greedy desires, and our hearts full of dreams!"

"Glory, glory to the campers!"

"Where the heck did that flag come from?" asked Courtney.

"Forget the flag, what about who's singing?"

"We played the challenges until they brought forth their bounty of rewards and invincibility!"

"The campers are marching on!"

"And still to this day we cry out as one people… LIBERTY! FREEDOM! PRIZES!"

Confessional Cabin: Alejandro

"The stupidity is strong in that one."

"Nice words Owen, thanks to you the nine of you can go out looking like bigger idiots... Wait a minute… Nine of you?"

"Hey where's Cody?"

"HEY AL!"

"What in the name of…"

Alejandro looked up in time to see Cody falling out of the sky above him.

"GO TO HELL!"

Alejandro didn't have time to react. One minute Cody was up in the air, the next he was on the ground with his lightsaber in-between Alejandro's legs.

"Son of a…"

Alejandro didn't get to finish his sentence because his body peeled in half.

"Boss Alejandro: Game over!"

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"WOW! That one's worth an instant replay!"

"Oh hell yeah! Dude you just got killed!" said Duncan.

"Cody, that was amazing!"

"Thank Owen for providing the distraction I needed."

"As Chris would say, THAT WAS AWESOME!" said Sierra nearly breaking him in half.

Meanwhile back in the real world, something was sending up alerts all over the monitor Chris and Chef were looking at.

"Uh-oh…"

"Uh-oh funny or uh-oh we're going to lose our jobs?" asked Chris.

"Something has just upgraded Heather's status from player to Boss!"

Confessional Cabin: Alejandro

"Being beaten by Heather was one thing. History is full of instances where mighty men have been seduced, deceived, and bested by women. But being beaten by Cody? I beat that little shrimp twice in season three! Fortunately I made a little insurance policy in case I did lose."

INSIDE HEATHER’S MIND

"Heather… Are you going to let these losers get away with your million dollars?"

"To hell I am!"

"Then take this power and avenge me!"

VIRTUAL VOLCANO

"Heather… Are you okay? I can't believe I'm asking that."

"Never better…"

There was a bright flash of purple light. When it faded Heather was wearing an outfit that made her look like one of the witches of Dathomir.

"Uh… What just happened?" asked Gwen.

"My victory has been assured…"

Without warning Heather threw her lightsaber, and it found its mark.

"Oh… crap…"

"CODY! NO!"

Heather's lightsaber flew right back to her, and Cody's impaled body disappeared in Sierra's arms.

"Player Cody: Game over!"

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"First Alejandro kills John and now this? Whoever designed the security on this thing is so fired!"

"Pop goes the weasel." said Heather.

"Err… That's it! NOW YOU DIE!"

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"For a moment there, I thought Sierra was going to turn into a Super Saiyan or something."

Sierra charged at Heather like an angry leopard, but Heather simply side-stepped out of the way and took her from behind.

"Player Sierra: Game over!"

"So… Do we understand each other, or will I have to chop a few more heads before I take the Buff of Life."

"You've been asking for this for a long time…"

Unfortunately Leshawna didn't know anything about wielding a lightsaber, and Cody hadn't been the only one watching John's duel with Alejandro.

"If you ask me Leshawna… It is you who has been for this for a very long time."

With one powerful strike Heather knocked Leshawna's lightsaber out of her hands and then cut her from the shoulder to the belly button, and for good measure she blasted her over the edge of the arena and into the lava with a burst of Sith Lightening.

"Player Leshawna: Game over!"

Confessional Cabin: Leshawna

"I can't believe I'm saying this… But this time it looks like I messed with the wrong white girl."

"There is no way Heather is winning two seasons in a row." said Gwen.

"Leave that to me…"

Duncan picked up John's lightsaber as well as his own.

"Alright Heather… Let's dance."

Heather used the force to grab Alejandro's lightsaber.

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"As much as I hate to admit it, I knew Duncan was going to be tough. Not only does he have two lives, but we're both Total Drama All-Stars."

"Ladies first…"

"Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

"Yes!" said Duncan, Gwen, Courtney, Beth, Lindsay, and Owen all at once.

HEATHER’S MIND

"Remember Heather, there's more than one way to skin a cat."

"Meaning?"

"Use the bleeping force, that's what they do in Star Wars. Use your imagination!"

"Okay…"

VIRTUAL VOLCANO

Heather conjured two fierce looking balls of lightening and threw them, but Duncan just jumped aside.

"Missed me!"

"Wasn't aiming at you."

The ground on the ring started to split, and Owen and the girls were on the wrong end of it.

"Oh my god…"

"MOVE!"

As the rock collapsed Gwen was the first to make it to the other side, next came Beth and Lindsay, followed by Owen who somehow managed to go fast enough.

Confessional Cabin: Owen

"Only two things can make me run like that. Food and life threatening situations… Well… technically my life wasn't really in danger because it's just a video game, but I wasn't going to let John's sacrifice be in vain. Besides, I promised Izzy I would do my best to win this thing for both of us, and that's what I'm going to do."

Courtney was running as fast as she could, but she had been at the far edge of the ring when it started collapsing, she tried to jump for it, she was three seconds off.

"NO! NOT LIKE THIS!"

Courtney could almost feel the hot air rushing up to meet her, but much to her amazement someone caught her.

"Duncan?"

"If you lose this to Heather then it will drive you crazy, and if anyone is going to make my ex cranky and psychotic it's going to be me."

Duncan had barely finished pulling Courtney up when Heather rushed over and ran him through.

"Oh no."

"DUNCAN!"

Duncan's body disappeared, but only for a moment or two. He reappeared in the center of the ring completely unscathed.

"HA! Extra life!"

"Damn it, forgot about that."

Duncan charged at Heather with two lightsabers drawn. It quickly became clear that he had the upper hand.

"NO! I DIDN'T SUFFER THIRTY SIX DAYS STRANDED ON THIS VIRTUAL ROCK WITH THESE MORONS FOR NOTHING!" Heather thought.

Heather started pounding on Duncan with her own lightsabers.

"Where the heck did she learn to fight like that?" asked Beth.

"My guess is she's just mad."

"You realize you're just wasting your energy."

"Use the force Heather, how many bleeping times do I have to tell you to use the force!"

"Oh right… duh."

Heather did a backflip to put some distance between them, and then she reached out and made Duncan trip and slide along the ground. When he was close enough he was defenseless.

"Ah, not again."

"Player Duncan: Game over!"

"Courtney, I know we've had our differences, but I was hoping we could put them aside and kill Heather." said Gwen.

"Deal."

"Let's get her!" said Beth.

"BANZAI!" yelled Owen.

Owen was within five feet of Heather when she used the force to rip his lightsaber out of his hand and chop it in half. Before Heather could move Lindsay came jumping out of nowhere, but Heather beat her down without even trying and was about to deliver the killing strike, but then Beth rushed over and blocked the blow.

"This is what real friends are for!"

Much to everyone's surprise Beth seemed to have the upper hand. She was moving so fast it looked like she was using three sabers at once.

"How are you doing that?" asked Gwen.

"It's all in the wrist, and I practice with batons a lot."

While Beth had Heather distracted Courtney snuck up behind her and stabbed her in the back.

"YAAAAAAGGHH!"

Beth used the opportunity to stick her own saber in Heather's thigh.

"I'm… not… going… DOWN!"

Heather sent out a shockwave that sent Lindsay, Beth, and Courtney flying. She then proceeded to pull both the lightsabers out of her.

"Why won't she die?" asked Lindsay.

"We must've missed her vitals."

"Hurry, before she heals!"

Gwen rushed over and attacked, but Heather was determined and did her best to block and heal at the same time.

"I've been waiting for this since season one!"

Heather let out a burst of Sith Lightning that sent Gwen flying. She limped over to the place where she had fallen and pointed her lightsaber at her heart.

"Hey Heather… Before you waste me tell me one thing… Does that virtual lava feel like real lava?"

"Huh?"

Without warning Owen came up and grabbed Heather from behind.

"Let me go!"

"Oh he'll let you go… Just not yet."

Owen walked over to the edge of the ring.

Confessional Cabin: Everyone

"Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Sorry Heather, it's nothing personal, it's just that I made a promise to Izzy."

"Throw her in the fire! Throw her in fire! I mean lava, whatever!"

"Sorry…"

"NO! A THOUSAND HELLS AWAIT YOU! AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"Here comes my favorite part." said Gwen.

"Boss Heather: Game over!"

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!"

"We did it! We won the game!" exclaimed Lindsay.

"Not quite…"

It was then that their eyes returned to the Buff of Life, still floating on the stone pedestal on the other side of the room.

"Wait!"

"For what?"

"Let's stop and think about this for a moment…" said Beth "We all want the money and we've all worked really hard to get here, but I think we can all agree that we dislike Chris more."

"I'm listening…" said Courtney.

"Chris is expecting us to kill each other over the Buff of Life, I say we don't give him the satisfaction."

"And…"

"We all touch it at the same time and split the money twenty percent each, that way everyone wins, except Chris."

"I like it!" said Owen.

Since Heather and Alejandro had been beaten the barrier was gone. They all climbed the small hill up to the pedestal where the Buff of Life was. When they reached the top they stood in a circle around it.

"Wow… That thing is really shiny."

"Okay, we'll do this on three." said Gwen "Ready… one…"

"Wait. On three? Or three and then we grab it?"

"On three, it's faster."

"Okay, just making sure we understand each other."

"Okay… One…"

"Wait. On your three or my three?" asked Lindsay.

"It's the same three!"

"Are you sure about that?"

"Look, just grab the Buff of Life when I say three. Are we clear?"

"Yes."

"Okay… one… two… three!"

Gwen, Owen, Courtney, Lindsay, and Beth kept their word and all grabbed the Buff of Life at the same time.

"Game over! Players Owen, Gwen, Lindsay, Beth, and Courtney win!"

"Yahoo! We did it! We won!"

"All players please stand by for evac… Thank you, and have a nice day."

"What does he mean evac?"

Suddenly the whole room started to crumble and fall apart, leaving nothing but a blank black background. Then they started falling.

"What the heck is going on?" asked Courtney.

"We must be exiting the game!"

"Couldn't Chris have just beamed us out or something?"

"It's Chris!"

Just then Owen noticed that they weren't alone as they fell.

"Izzy! John!"

Izzy, John, and all the others were falling with them.

"Where did you guys come from?"

"We've been in Realm of Losers." said Bridgette "But then it told us to standby for evac."

"So who won?"

"We all did. We grabbed the Buff of Life at the same time because we decided that getting a little revenge on Chris was more important than the money." said Gwen.

"Nice thinking." said Duncan.

"If we survive this, I'm going to kill all of you!" said Heather.

"Not if I kill them first!" said Alejandro.

The castaways lost track of time as they fell through the black abyss.

"How long have we been falling?"

"I don't know, I left my watch back on the ship."

"Hey Cody, I think I should take this opportunity to tell you what an awesome attack that was." said John.

"Well you know… I watch a lot of movies."

"Hey guys! Look!"

Down below a bright light emerged out of the abyss, and it was getting bigger by the second.

"Head toward the light!" joked Izzy.

"Like we have a choice."

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"Sorry folks, but I'm afraid we're out of time. Not the way I expected the game would end, but I have to say… That… was… AWESOME! But don't go anywhere because it's not over yet. Remember those clues we gave Heather? Find out what they mean next time right here on Total Drama Shipwreck!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The last thing Gwen remembered was the blinding white light that she and the others fell into, and then nothing. For some reason all her muscles felt incredibly sluggish, slowly but surely they sprang back to life and she opened her eyes.

"Oh my God! I'm in a box!"

Much to her relief the capsule opened a moment later. She found herself in a room with all the other castaways. When they went outside they found themselves on the deck of the S.S. Chris, still adrift at sea. John also noticed that his swords were in one piece, despite the fact that they had been destroyed in the graveyard.

"Sweet mother of Mary… We're back!"

"Why couldn't we have woken up on dry land?"

"Because we haven't reached our destination yet."

"YOU!"

The castaways all turned around to see Chris standing there with the usual grin on his face. He also had a few mean looking security guards at his side.

"Talking about people behind their backs, punching Courtney in the face, ticking off a full grown gorilla with a shotgun on a daily basis, letting your teenage hormones get the best of you, killing your fellow castaways over a virtual piece of cloth… THAT WAS AWESOME!"

"Just give me my share of the prize money before I have meltdown." said Courtney.

"And why would I do that?"

"Because Gwen, Owen, Beth, Lindsay, and I won the game."

"And?"

"And you said whoever touches the Buff of Life first wins the million dollars…"

"Did I? Let's go to the tape."

Chris pulled up a TV.

Heather: "So… if we find the Buff of Life… We win the million dollars?"

Chris: "Well… It can't hurt your chances."

"And let's not forget that little clue we gave Heather after the graveyard."

Remember, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.

"Wait a minute… You're saying we just spent thirty six days stranded on a virtual island that was all too real, and went through all kinds of hell to get the Buff of Life, and it didn't even matter?" asked Gwen.

"Not exactly. This season's winner will be decided by a jury, who will select a winner by how well they think he or she played the game, and like Heather's clue said, it doesn't matter who touched the Buff of Life and who didn't make it that far, it's still anyone's game, except for Alejandro who is ineligible."

"What? I've got as much a right to be in this as everyone else!"

"Not really… They've been in the game for thirty six days, you only went in today, and your contract didn't say the same thing as theirs. You specifically had to kill all the castaways who made it to the Chamber of Life and you blew it. Plus there was quite a bit of dirty business while you were in there."

"Is that so?" asked Gwen sounding interested.

"Oh yes… Alejandro somehow got into the program and rewrote it so he could do things he shouldn't have been able to, like that Kamehameha wave. He also rigged the game so that if he were to die then Heather would become the new boss… That is grand scale cheating."

"Wait a minute… He's the reason Heather became the new boss?"

"I thought you hated me for what I did in the season three finale."

"I do… But I also realize that had our positions been reversed, I would have done the exact same thing."

"Only I wouldn't have fallen for it."

"Or would you?"

"You two are meant for each other." said John.

"Alejandro's treachery aside, who exactly is making up this jury that will be deciding which of us gets the million dollars?" asked Courtney.

"Originally I was going to be the one to pick this season's winner, but the producers didn't think that was a very good idea."

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"Gee, I wonder who he would have picked… (Cough) John."

"So this time we're going to let your loyal fans decide who they think deserves the million dollars."

"What?"

"That's right! In a few hours Total Drama fans from around the world will cast their votes based on how well they think you've played the game! But before we can do that we need to review each of you individually, which we will do as soon as we make it to New York."

"New York?"

"Yep the season finale is being held in Time Square in front of a live television audience. But before we get there I suggest you all take a shower, you stink!"

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"So after everything we've been through, it all comes down to a popularity contest… Heather's out."

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"OMG! OMG! OMG! This is so exciting! I've got to check my blogs and see who the people like!"

Confessional Cabin: Heather

"It's not whether you win or lose it's how you play the game? How could anyone possibly figure that out? This show has always been about survival of the fittest! There is no reward for attempted anything, that's the way it works!"

Confessional Cabin: Tyler

"This is not good. I'm one of the least talked about characters on this show, and I didn't go down fighting like John, I was killed by a booby trap."

Confessional Cabin: Cody

"I know I got killed by Heather, but according to Chris that was only because Alejandro rigged the game, and I cut him in half. I have a good feeling about this."

After tending to their personal hygiene the castaways immediately went down to the dining room.

Confessional Cabin: John

"After thirty six days of nothing but virtual beans, bananas, and fish, which I hate, I cried when I saw that there was a pepperoni pizza and a cold dew with my name on them."

"Jeezz guys, chew your food."

"Shut up!"

"Food! Glorious food!" sang Owen.

"Dessert's on!"

"Chocolate! Teacher! Mother! Secret lover!"

"Oooookay."

After dinner the campers just sat around waiting until they finally heard from Chris.

"All hands on deck! We'll be arriving at the big apple pretty darn soon!"

On the deck they could see the Statue of Liberty and the city lights in the distance."

"Yahoo! We're back in New York! Maybe this time I'll actually get a chance to do some shopping!" exclaimed Lindsay.

"NYC… Home of the Ninja Turtles, Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, and the Manhattan Clan." said John.

"The what?"

"The Manhattan Clan… of gargoyles… from the Disney show of the same name…"

"I suppose now would be a bad time to remind you what happened in Friday the 13th part eight." said Duncan.

"What happened in part eight?" asked Beth.

"Jason Takes Manhattan. A bunch of high school grads from the area around Crystal Lake set for NYC on a ship. All but two of the passengers are killed by the end of the movie, three if you count the dog."

When they finally arrived at the docks they found a bus waiting for them. When they came to time square there was a whole crowd of fans gathered around a big stage that had been set up. The Total Drama theme song was playing and the fans were carrying big banners and signs that read "Go Gwen", "Team Cody", "I support John", "Owen+Izzy", and so forth.

"Hello New York!" yelled John as they walked to the stage "I've always wanted to say that."

The castaways took their seats and Chris took his place at the podium.



"Well Total Drama fans it's been a hell of season. The eighteen castaways behind me spent thirty five days stranded on a virtual island before their friends from previous seasons decided that they had suffered enough. After that the castaways endured a series of obstacles to reach the Buff of Life and return to the real world. But all that really matters is your opinion. That's right, it's up to you to pick this season's winner based on how well you think they played the game. Just for competing this season each castaway will be taking home their very own hot tub! The castaway who comes in second will win a two week vacation in Tahiti! But the castaway who receives the most votes from you the fans will be taking home one million dollars!"

The fans all applauded when Chris showed them the case with the million dollars inside.

"We here at Total Drama do feel a little obligated to give the castaways who managed to reach the Buff of Life something for their trouble. So we've made a replica of the Buff of Life for each of them."

"OOOUUUU! SHINY!"

"Let's see… One for Owen, one for Gwen, one for Lindsay, one for Beth, one for Courtney."

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"I know I could probably sell this thing to some insane fan on eBay, but I suffered thirty six days on a virtual island to get it, so I'm keeping it."

"One more thing I forgot to mention… Since we didn't have the traditional eliminations this season… The castaway who comes in last place is required by law to wear… The Sandwich Board and Dunce Cap of Shame!"

"The what?" asked the castaways.

Chef came out carrying a dunce cap and a sandwich board that read "Hello, my name is Loser" written on it.

"That's right… It's very humiliating, and you'll have to wear it for a whole month. So you better hope the fans love you. But before they vote we will review each competitor. We'll start with know-it-all Noah!"

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"Noah doesn't stand a chance. I've reviewed my blogs and right now it looks like a deadlock between John, Owen, Gwen, Courtney, and my precious Cody!"

"Let's get this over with." said Noah as he sat in the seat beside Chris.

"Noah, in season one you were the first person the Screaming Gophers eliminated on the grounds that you had an utter lack of respect for your teammates. Personally I don't think you've learned your lesson. I trust you all remember what he said when he first met John"

"Let me guess, you came here hoping to win the money so you could use it to get your face back."

"Or that little episode with the map."

Tyler: "It's uh… In the middle, between the two waterfalls."

Izzy: "You're holding it sideways. See? It's east, by some broccoli."

Lindsay: "Or is it by three pieces of cauliflower?"

Noah: "Give me that! You morons it's west by two identical trees!"

"I've also reviewed the confessionals and found even more dirt. While I normally respect your privacy, for the sake of anyone who's missed any episodes this season I'm gonna go live with them."

"Oh boy…"

Day 2

"I couldn't sleep at all last night… If the sound of everyone farting didn't keep me up the smell did! If I have to stay here with these morons for too long I'll go insane!"

Day 7

"One week stranded on this hell hole… At least when we had eliminations one of these characters would be sent home or I would be put out of my misery!"

"Owen, in season three you considered Noah to be your friend… You might change your mind when you see these next couple videos."

Day 12

"Has anyone ever told Izzy that she is a disgusting puss-filled sausage casing with all the brains of a Tyrannosaurus after a lobotomy? Today she filled one of the ship's bathtubs with mud and pretended she was a pig."

"I actually enjoy a good mud bath every time I go to the spa. And I think we all know who Noah voted for when you guy's had your little mock elimination ceremony."

Day 16

"Izzy's a weirdo."

"And here is the icing on the cake…"

Day 36

"By three pieces of cauliflower or even better east by broccoli… If Owen actually fell for her again then he deserves any STDs he got. Oh wait; our real bodies are sealed in individual capsules… Well he deserves any STDs he would have contracted. I mean she was exposed to radiation in season three."

A lot of the castaways gave Noah the evil eye.

"I think we've seen enough." said Chris "Besides, he was the first person to die after they entered the volcano. Lame dude… MEGA lame. Let's move on to Geoff and Bridgette!"

Noah sat back down. Geoff and Bridgette took their places beside Chris.

"Geoff and Bridgette's relationship has been through some tough waters, but unlike every other relationship that has started on this show it has stood strong. Despite the fact that they were stranded on an island for thirty six days with no electricity and nothing to eat but fish, bananas, and coconuts they managed to keep it together as long as they had each other."

"Awwww…"

"This time they actually refrained from displaying their affection in public, which got them booted first in season two, but love wasn't enough to reach the Buff of Life. In the graveyard Geoff sacrificed himself to save Bridgette from Jason's machete, but it didn't really accomplish much since a few minutes later she was on the receiving end of a shotgun blast. Personally I don't think they score enough points to merit a million dollars, but it's not my call."

Confessional Cabin: Bridgette

"I know Geoff and I probably aren't going to win… But I think we can manage for now."

"Up next is DJ!"

DJ only received a mild applause as he took the seat beside Chris.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news DJ, but I think your odds of winning are about as good as Noah's."

"What? Why?"

"While most of the other campers managed to keep it together while you were stranded on the island, but you on the other hand spent most of the season crying about how much you missed your momma."

Chris showed some clips of DJ crying.

"Cut me some slack. I didn't know if we were ever going to escape the island."

"Well… You did solve the little pumpkin riddle, but you were the second person to die. In the graveyard you froze with fear when the killers took the stage and you were easily mauled by Leatherface."

Confessional Cabin: DJ

"Oh well… There's always tomorrow."

"Tyler, come on down!"

Tyler got about as much applause as DJ did.

"Tyler here spent most of the season in the ship's gym or with Lindsay. He was there for her when she ran out of eyeliner and when her nail broke, but other than that he didn't get much done. And who can forget what happened during the mock invincibility challenge when you guys played Chess."

Day 16

Tyler: "King me!"

Noah: "There is no king me in chess!"

"In the graveyard Tyler became the fifth person to bite it when he fell into the lava trap. If you ask me his only redeeming quality was that he's what inspired Lindsay to keep going all the way to the Chamber of Life."

Confessional Cabin: Tyler

"Really? She did it for me? Awesome! Who needs a million dollars when you have such an awesome girlfriend!"

"Up next is the man with wicked skills… Harold!"



Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"If Harold gets half as many votes as Owen, John, or Cody, I'll be freaking amazed."

"Harold did his best to tough out the elements on the island. By day thirty six he was showing a lot of cracks in the armor, but his hopes of winning were renewed when the real game began. He was the only one who could translate the clue that was written in Japanese. In the graveyard he managed to keep his cool by remembering the rules of surviving a horror movie and bravely, but fruitlessly, fought back against the killers."

Chris showed the clips of Harold throwing shuriken at Micheal, which did nothing, then showed his nunchakus breaking against Michael's head.

"But I think Harold's biggest redeeming quality is that he was willing to sacrifice himself so the rest of the team could move on to the Buff of Life, but he wasn't the only one… Up next is… Izzy!"

Izzy got a big round of applause as she took the seat beside Chris.

"Izzy… You were one of the only castaways who managed to keep a smile on while you guys were on the island. But I must say your plan to escape the island was by far the… least feasible."

Day 2

"I saw this on TV once. Using mainly spoons, we dig a tunnel under the ocean and make our way back to North America!"

"Sounds like something out of a cartoon. But what surprised us most was what went down between you and Owen. Especially after what happened last season."

"Technically that wasn't me, it was Brainzilla."

"Even so… Don't you think it's a little weird?"

"There's nothing weird about went down that night, but I will tell you something weird. A few weeks before the season started my father appeared to me as a ghost. He told me he had been murdered by my uncle, who had wrongfully taken over his kingdom and married my mother. Oh the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune!"

"Izzy… That was Hamlet." said John.

"Oh right."

"Despite the fact that she had technically broken one of the three commandments on how to survive a horror movie, Izzy was able to go head to toe with Freddy Krueger and live."

Everyone applauded when Chris showed them the clips from the graveyard.

"And as I said earlier she was one of the two campers who selflessly sacrificed herself for the rest of the team… But is that enough to merit the million dollars? That's entirely up to you, but we still have several other castaways to review first."

The castaway interviewed was Sierra.

"Sierra, the mighty Fanzilla. Shortly into the season you went into a sort of sugar withdrawl."

"True… But who needs sugar when you have a Cody?"

"Yeah… As long as Cody was around Sierra seemed to get along fine, so well that she managed to make it all the way to the Chamber of Life. After Cody was killed by Heather she tried to avenge him, but failed miserably… And I'm afraid that's about it."

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"It's okay, I'm just happy I got to be on another season. Chris almost didn't let me back on after what I did to the plane back in season three. But hey, Cody will probably win the money for us anyway!"

The next castaway in line was Leshawna.

"Leshawna, right from when we first set sail you made it your personal goal to get Heather booted first."

Chris showed them the clip of Leshawna's "Heather the witch" vote from the mock elimination ceremony and everyone laughed.

"Unfortunately for you this wasn't a traditional season. Like some of the castaways you managed to stick it out long enough to reach the Chamber of Life. But when you fought Heather it was clear that you had messed with the wrong white girl."

Confessional Cabin: Leshawna

"I'll get you next time Heather… Next time…"

"Our next castaway is one of our Total Drama All-Stars! He can do an insane cliff dive without fear. He's wrestled an alligator, and he's killed a cockroach by cutting it in half with an axe. It's Duncan!"

After everything that happened during their virtual nightmare, a roast from Chris wasn't going to be a problem for Duncan.

"As always Duncan proved to be the tough guy, enduring both the elements and Courtney's abuse. He was the only one willing to go with John to retrieve the clue from the gorilla's cave and stood up to the killers in the graveyard. Duncan went head to toe with Ghostface the iconic slasher of the 1990's and proved to be better with a knife. He actually beat John in the great Yoshi race and choose to keep the extra life for himself instead of bringing one of his fellow castaways back into the game… but that extra life didn't really help him in the Chamber of Life when he fought Heather, who killed him twice."

"She was determined!" said Duncan angrily.

"Which is why you'll probably still get plenty of votes. And despite the abuse Courtney gave you on the island, and the fact that she kicked you in the groin minutes earlier, you actually saved her before she fell into the lava."

"Uh… I don't know what you're talking about."

"Let's go to the tape."

"If anyone is going to drive my ex cranky and psychotic it's going to be me."

"So?"

"It's not the most romantic thing I've ever heard, but that's certainly saying something."

"She was going to fall into molten lava, no one is that heartless."

"You do realize there was a million dollars on the line, and that lava wasn't even real?"

"Oh just do the next castaway already."

"Next up is our latest Total Drama All-Star. I still can't believe it either folks. Heather, the Queen of Mean!"

Everyone in Times Square was silent. Not even a cricket made a noise.

"Very funny…"

"Heather, from the very start of the season you were your usual self, which is probably why you were voted out during the mock elimination ceremony. Despite the warnings we gave you on the way to the Chamber of Life you continued to plot against your fellow competitors."

"How the hell was I supposed to figure that out?"

"Don't interrupt. In a bizarre twist you were given boss powers by Alejandro who rigged the game to do so in the event of his death. You then proceeded to kill four of the surviving castaways, and killing Duncan twice. But despite being outnumbered against Courtney, Gwen, Owen, Lindsay, and Beth, you continued to fight on even after being stabbed in the thigh and the back. And I have to say… THAT WAS AWESOME!"

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, Heather always manages to stay in the game longer than anyone would expect. She actually won last season. I honestly can't believe how many fans she has."

"Coming up next is the little castaway that could… Cody!"

A lot of fans in the audience applauded, but it was nothing compared to Sierra's.

"Cody, last season you were the only rooster in a house full of hens. This time around you were a Shakespearean actor, helping John put on shows to entertain your fellow competitors."

Day 20

Cody: "Hail, King! for so thou art. Behold where stands the usurper's cursed head. The time is free. I see thee compass'd with thy kingdom's pearl that speak my salutation in their minds, whose voices I desire aloud with mine: Hail, King of Scotland!"

"According to Sierra's blog you received a lot of support from Pac-Man after you stated in the confession cams that you once had Pac-Man fever. That happened to me once, that was one hell of a night…. Moving on. You were the person who knew the answer to the question on the Question Block in the graveyard, good thing too because odds are none of you would have made it to the Chamber of Life if you hadn't. But your biggest accomplishment this season by far is when you chopped Alejandro in half. IT WAS AWESOME! If not for Alejandro giving Heather boss powers you probably would have been one of the people to touch the Buff of Life. But don't count the money yet, we still have six more castaways to go. Up next is everyone's favorite C.I.T., it's Courtney!"

Courtney was hesitant to take the seat beside Chris, even though she was one of the five castaways to reach the Buff of Life. As much as she hated to admit it, after everything she had done she wouldn't be surprised if the person who ended up wearing the Dunce Cap and Sandwich Board of Shame would be her.

"From the moment we first arrived on the docks Courtney was hostile to both Gwen and Duncan. After the ship crashed and she found her PDA broken she nearly lost it. As the days passed she did her best to keep cool, she was largely indifferent to our newest competitor, but on day sixteen she lost to him in the final match of their little chess tournament, and we all know Courtney doesn't like to lose... At the mock elimination ceremony she was shocked when she got four votes and Gwen only got two. After that she slowly started to crack, until finally on day thirty five she had enough."

"Oh my god…" thought Courtney as Chris showed the clip of what happened that night.

Day 35

"I can't take it anymore!"

"Luckily John was quick to intervene."

"Y-you just made the biggest mistake of your life!"

"The biggest mistake of my life? What the hell do you think you were doing?"

"They managed to get Courtney to calm down and try to talk over things like civilized people, and John was about to give her a lesson she won't easily forget."

"Why am I even talking to you? You could never understand the pain I've put up with!"

"Pain… You who needed a lawsuit to get on season two think you can talk to me about pain? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT PAIN IS!"

Chris paused the clip at the point where John took his helmet off.

"John made it painfully clear to her that no matter how bad things seemed, they could be a hell of a lot worse… IT WAS AWESOME! Upon the revelation of what they campers had to do to win the game Courtney did her best to make sure her sufferings weren't for nothing, but there were times when she wasn't exactly the most optimistic of the group, and she was baffled by how selfless John seemed. In the Chamber of Life she managed to put aside her guff with Gwen long enough for them to team up with Lindsay, Beth, and Owen so they could take down Heather. The strangest thing of all was that when Courtney had the chance to take the Buff of Life for herself she didn't take it, she actually agreed to share with the others. Do you think Courtney has learned her lesson? Before you answer we still have five more people to get through."

The next person up was Owen. He got a big round of applause for the audience, but Chris was giving him that grin of his.

"So… Owen…"

"WAAAAAH! I couldn't control myself! But I regret nothing! I lived as few men dare to dream!"

"Ooookay… Owen was the first castaway to befriend John, who gave him advice on what to do about his troubled love life, but I doubt John figured it would work well… as well as it did. John, what are your thoughts on the matter?"

"What do you mean?"

"From what I understand, Owen's actions aren't sanctioned by your religion, can you still consider him a friend after that?"

"Well… Our physical bodies were sealed in individual capsules, like you said it was like they dreamed it. And there's no law in the Catechism against wet dreams. And even it really did happen, I don't think it's my place to judge."

"Catechism? Are you Catholic?" asked Duncan.

"Does it matter?"

"No, I just guess that's something I should've picked up on."

"Moving on. After being left with nothing to eat but baked beans, Owen nearly destroyed an entire section of the ship with his perpetual farting. The limited supply of food didn't do wonders for him either, but he did his best to keep a smile on and stay optimistic. When they made it to the graveyard he helped Izzy battle against Freddy Krueger. After Izzy sacrificed herself for the team he promised her he would do his best to win the million. He toughed it out all the way to the Chamber of Life where he gave an awesome speech which gave Cody the opportunity he needed to kill Alejandro, and then he finished off Heather. No wonder he's a Total Drama All-Star!"

Next Chris reviewed both Lindsay and Beth at the same time to speed things up a bit.

"Lindsay and Beth, you both managed to accidentally find the solution to the Russian clue, make it all the way to the Chamber of Life, help defeat Heather, and claim the Buff of Life, but I'm afraid that's about it. But I think it should be taken into consideration that I don't think any of us expected you to make it that far."

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"Lindsay broke her nails at one point, ran out of eyeliner, and suffered a severe sunburn. I seriously thought that if anything happened to Tyler, she was going to die. And there were plenty of times Beth was crying because she didn't think she was ever going to see her boyfriend again. Then again I can't really blame her. If I thought I was never going to see Cody again I was would totally lose it!"

"Up next is someone who isn't a Total Drama All-Star, but she might as well be! She's drank powdered fruit punch from the communal toilet, and can stay awake for an insane amount of time! It's Gwen!"

"I might not be an All-Star right now… But I have a good feeling that might change tonight." she thought.

"From day one Gwen endured abuse from Courtney and the elements, but she toughed it out. In the graveyard she managed to keep her cool and outsmart Leatherface. With a little help from Cody she managed to get her hands on the Super Star and take out Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, and Jason Voorhees."

Chris showed the clip of Gwen using the Super Star in the graveyard and the audience cheered.

"She made it all the way to the Chamber of Life, helped defeat Heather, and was one of the five lucky contestants to claim the Buff of Life… But whether or not that's enough to win her the million dollars is all up to you, but we have one more competitor to review. He's the first cancer survivor to play Total Drama, can recite Hamlet's 'To be or not be' speech in Spanish, and is my personal favorite… JOHN!"

John got a big round of applause as he took the seat beside Chris.

Confessional Cabin: Noah

"Of course he's reviewing Scarface last, his will be the only one people will remember when they vote. Why did I even bother coming back for another season?"

"I'm going to level with you John, we put you on the show to boost ratings… And you didn't disappoint! When you first crashed on the island you were quick to turn chaos into order by assuming the role of leadership. You gave love advice to both Owen and Sierra."

Day 2

"There is nothing wrong with making Cody a cake on his birthday. Giving him a foot massage without asking, knocking him out, sticking his shoelace up your nose, and slipping him a Mickey… NO! You might as well be carrying a can of Man-repellant."

"Every morning you braved the crazy shotgun wielding gorilla to get your team bananas to eat. You beat Courtney in the mock elimination challenge, and if you ask me you'd probably make a good host yourself."

Day 16

John (imitating Chris): "Once the votes are read the decision is final, and the camper with the most votes will have to climb down the rope of shame, row home on the lifeboat of losers, and you can never-ever-ever-ever come back… EVER!"




"You taught Courtney a lesson she won't soon forget, and in the graveyard you able to confront your fear, and had an epic battle with Alejandro. It's a shame you had to lose because he cheated. And I'm pleased to announce that Alejandro's little statement about your condition was a big fat lie. I've called your doctors and they say you're as healthy as a horse. But I am curious about one thing… Any particular reason you were selfless on the way to the Chamber of Life?"

Chris showed the clips where he helped save Lindsay from falling into the lava before they reached the graveyard, and then the one where he carried Beth over his shoulder.

"Like you said, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game."

"But you helping Lindsay was before you heard that clue."

"It's a called being a gentleman."

"I hate to point this out, but I don't think gentlemen punch women in the face."

Day 35

Y-you just made the biggest mistake of your life!"

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, under normal circumstances I would never hit a girl."

"You tackled Heather in the Chamber of Life."

"We're talking about Heather." said Gwen.

"Point taken. But I have just one more question… How were you able to keep it together? Most of the castaways were really starting to lose it and think you weren't going to escape, but you stayed strong until the end."

"Well to be honest, I just thought of my little sister Angela. That's what I did during my battle with cancer. I knew that she wanted to see her big brother again, and I wasn't going to let her down."

"She's backstage waiting for you."

"Johnny!"

"Sis!"

Angela rushed on stage and gave John a big hug.

"Awwww…."

"She's so cute!" said Lindsay "She's like his own little doll. I want one too!"

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" asked Angela.

"There will be time for that later." said Chris "Right now it's time to vote!"

The audience cheered and the castaways all stood up.

"Who will be Total Drama Shipwreck's big winner? Will it be Beth, Bridgette, Cody, Courtney, DJ, Duncan, Geoff, Gwen, Harold, Heather, Izzy, John, Leshawna, Lindsay, Noah, Owen, Sierra, or Tyler? The choice is yours!"

The castaways waited patiently behind stage as the Total Drama fans around the world voted for their favorite. The roars of the crowd could be heard outside.

"This is so exciting!" said Sierra.

"What's she so happy about?" asked Heather "There's no way in hell she's going to win."

"That's the pot calling the kettle black." said Gwen.

"Up yours."

"Watch your mouth, there are children present." said Leshawna.

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"That was very clever of Chris to leave it up to the fans to decide this season's winner. Who is Courtney going to sue if she loses, the entire viewing world?"

"So… John… You said the other day that you'd never have a family of your own… Are you… you know?" asked Geoff.

"No I'm not sterile, although they warned me that may be a possibility when I went through chemo. It's just that scars are a bit of a girl repellant."

"Johnny, what does being sterile mean?" asked Angela.

"Uh… Mom will tell you when you're older."

"Can't you get your face repaired with plastic surgery?" asked Bridgette.

"Last time I had surgery I lost half my face because they had to remove a tumor the size of a quarter. I don't want to risk losing the rest of my face."

"Maybe we could just fix you up with a little makeup!" suggested Lindsay.

"Fix this with makeup?"

Even though they had seen what John looked like under the helmet before, the other castaways still flinched when they saw it this time. Only Angela didn't have a reaction, apparently she was used to seeing it.

"Yeah… probably not."

"Look, all you have to do is get a girl to see past your… imperfections." said Bridgette.

"I don't know how…"

After fifteen minutes of the girls lecturing John on what he could do, they finally heard from Chris.

"Attention all castaways! The results are in! Get your butts back on stage!"

"Well I guess this is it."

"May the best castaway win!" said Owen

When they came back on stage the people in the audience were all roaring for their favorite castaway. Chris had to use an air horn through a megaphone to get them to be quiet.

"Your loyal fans have all cast their votes and made their decision. The castaway who receives the least votes will be forced to wear the Dunce Cap and Sandwich Board of Shame, and they're required by law to do so for a whole month."

Chef gestured to the Dunce Cap and Sandwich Board of Shame.

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"Please don't let it be me… I know I kind of deserved that blow from John, but I don't deserve this."

"Just for competing this season, every castaway will be taking home their own hot tub. The castaway who comes in second place will be sent on a two week vacation in Tahiti! But the castaway who receives the most votes will be taking home one million dollars! Chef… The envelope please…"

Time Square fell silent as Chris opened the envelope.

"GASP!"

"What? What is it!"

"I simply cannot believe the results!"

Confessional Cabin: Sierra

"As an expert on Total Drama, I can safely say that when Chris smiles like that, he's being dishonest. Classic Chris."

"I am pleased to announce… That I am the winner!"

"WHAT!"

"PSYCH!"

Chris broke down laughing.

"You should have seen the look on your faces, in fact here it is."

Chris showed an image of everyone's reactions on the big screen TV.

"Does it look like we're laughing?" asked Duncan.

"Nope. Anyway it's time for the real results. When I call your name that is what place you're in. We'll start at the bottom."

Confessional Cabin: Gwen

"I'll bet Ezekiel is real glad he wasn't in this season."

"The unfortunate castaway who came in last place… and who is required by law to wear the Sandwich Board and Dunce Cap of Shame is…"

Chris did one of his trademark dramatic pauses. It was clear that he was enjoying this. Meanwhile Leshawna looked intently at Heather.

"Noah."

"Huh?"

"What? Are you kidding me?"

"I can't say I'm shocked." said Chris "You probably shouldn't have said all those things about Izzy. Sorry bro."

"No you're not."

"True, but it doesn't really matter. It's Sandwich Board and Dunce Cap of Shame time!"

Everyone in the audience was laughing at Noah.

"I hate this show."

Chris gestured for the audience to be silent.

"In seventeenth place… DJ."

"Aww man, for real?"

"For real… In sixteenth place… Leshawna."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"Yes!" said all the campers at once.

"Well… This time I'm being one-hundred percent honest. In fifteenth place… Tyler."

"Well… at least I'm not last."

"You still look like a winner to me." said Lindsay.

"You look more like a winner to me. You're the one with the Buff of Life replica."

"I know, do you think it goes with my eyes?"

"Moving on… In fourteenth place… Bridgette… In thirteenth place… Geoff… In twelfth place… Sierra… and in eleventh place… surprisingly… Heather."

Confessional Cabin: Chris

"Now that was a shocker. Even I'm shocked."

Confessional Cabin: Courtney

"Heather actually beat seven people? If she has that many fans then I'm easily in the final four at least!"

"In tenth place… Harold."

"As someone famous once said, I'll be back!"

"In ninth place… Duncan."



Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"Why am I not surprised…"

"In eighth place… Beth. And in seventh place Lindsay."

Chris paused looked at the remaining six castaways.

"The six of you racked up a lot of votes… But we only have one case containing a million dollars here… So let's see who the people want it to go to."

The fans in the audience stood up and cheered for their favorite castaway.

"Cody! Cody! Cody! Cody!"

"John rules!"

"Take 'em down Izzy!"

"We love you Owen!"

"Let's go Courtney!"

"Team Gwen, all the way!"

"Lots of love out there." said Chris "Let's see which castaway got the most…"

Everyone fell silent.

"The castaway who came in sixth place is… Owen!"

"Aw man…"

"In fifth place… Izzy!"

"How did she make it into the final six anyway?" asked Heather.

"She did sacrifice herself for the team."

"Yeah, well so did Harold."

"She has a lot more fans than Harold." said Sierra "The blogs never lie."

"What's the matter Big-O?" asked Izzy "Wait I think I know… You really wanted to throw that big party, didn't you?"

"Yeah…"

"Well don't worry… Later we'll have a private party, for just me and you…"

"Okay moving on…" said Chris "In fourth place… Courtney. I guess the fans don't think you've learned your lesson just yet."

"All I have to say is… I'm coming back next season; I don't care what it is!"

Confessional Cabin: Duncan

"At least she didn't threaten to sue again."

"I think there's something else the audience wants to know Courtney… Are you still going to sue John?"

"Uh… No…I deserved that… And… I'm sorry Owen."

"I think it would have helped if you had said that a little earlier, but hey we can't dwell on the past. We still have three competitors left."

Sierra had her fingers crossed.

"In third place… Cody."

"Third place… again?"

"Look on the bright side, at least you didn't lose to Alejandro this time." said Gwen.

"Well, there's that."

"Only two competitors left… John, the teenage cancer survivor who managed to bring order to chaos and fought an epic battle with Alejandro… and Gwen, who went head to head AND toe to toe with Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, helped beat Heather, and was one of the five competitors to touch the Buff of Life… One of you will be going on a two week vacation to Tahiti… The other will be taking home one million dollars!"

Half the fans in the audience started cheering for Gwen and the rest cheered for John.

"And now the moment we've all been waiting for… The winner… of Total… Drama… Shipwreck… is…"

The dramatic music that usually played during elimination ceremonies started playing, and Chris was doing one of his dramatic pauses.

"Johnny, what's he waiting for?" asked Angela.

"He's building dramatic tension."

It looked like Chris was playing Eeny,meeny,miny,moe.

"Hurry up already!"

"Don't rush me! The audience loves this kind of dramatic conclusion."

It looked like Chris was finally going to announce the winner when suddenly…

"OH-AH-AHH-AHHH!"

"What the heck is that?" asked Gwen.

"I think it's a monkey dressed like Harry Potter."

"Is he building dramatic tension too?" asked Angela.

"No, I think the producers are trying to be funny." said John. "Just ignore him."

"He's picking his nose with his wand. That's a little hard to ignore."

"Okay, the winner of Total Drama Shipwreck… chosen by you the fans… is… John!"

"WOO-HOO!"

There was an explosion of confetti and everything, and John gave Angela a big hug.

"John, you're the first cancer survivor to win Total Drama, what's the first thing you're going to do with your money?"

"Well… before my… illness… I never realized how much of the world I've never seen before. I think I'll take a vacation to Italy with mom and Angela."

"Italy? I thought you were learning Spanish." said Gwen.

"I'm awesome."

"How awesome are you at Halo Reach?" asked Cody.

"Is that a challenge?"

"Maybe…"

"Gamertag John11797, I'm open starting at nine pm."

"What's the 97 for?"

"That's my birth year."

"I'll take you both on." said Duncan.

"You're going down!"

"Hmm… Halo…" thought Chris "Chef, cancel all my appointments."

The end

Yeah right, be sure to catch the next season: Total Drama Halo!

http://totaldramafanon.wikia.com/wiki/Total_Drama_Shipwreck

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