Previously on Total Drama, the world was shocked that Chris McLean had an evil twin sister named Christina, who managed to kidnap fourteen of the favorite campers on Total Drama on Halloween night and forced them to play a deadly game with their lives on the line. The campers managed to make it out and Christina was sentenced to spend the rest of her life behind bars, unfortunately Christina escaped and proceeded to manipulate the challenges of Total Drama American Tour, planning to end it by having the four finalists shot in the head on Capitol Hill. The attempt failed, but Christina escaped. Because of this the producers have decided to suspend future seasons until further notice. The campers have seized the opportunity to enjoy some well deserved R&R, and are heading to Izzy and Owen's new island resort.
It was a bright and beautiful day to be sailing across the Pacific Ocean. The campers from the first several seasons of Total Drama were en route to the island of Imakinakinki, where they would be spending a two week vacation courtesy of Izzy and Owen.
"I'm Prince of the Planet!"
"Shut up Ezekiel."
Almost everyone was glad to see John up and about. Last season he had been shot in the head, saved only because he was wearing a ballistic helmet instead of his usual dragon mask, and the angle of the shot had been wrong since he tackled the other finalists to the ground when he saw the shooter, as result the bullet on ricocheted off his helmet, but he still spent weeks in the hospital afterwards.
"I swear, that guy has more lives than a cat."
"Hey John, did you leave the dragon suit at home or what?" asked Harold.
"Are you kidding? It's like ninety degrees out here."
"Johnny! It's time to take some pictures!"
After the incident in the Caribbean, John and Courtney's parents didn't trust them alone on an island somewhere, so John's little sister Angela would be joining them as their chaperone.
"Ten bucks says that little kid is going to end up being a real party pooper." said Duncan.
"Oh please, you still owe me venti coffee from our last bet." said Gwen "Besides, maybe she can spill a couple of John's secrets."
"You still plan on participating next season?"
"I swear I almost had it last time."
"Yeah, you almost got shot in the head, and if they don't catch Christina there might not be another season."
"Maybe you should ask Sierra if they're making any progress with that." said Bridgette.
"Where is Sierra anyway?"
"I heard she was the first to arrive, as usual, but she's been in her room since we pulled up anchor."
"That's odd, especially considering that Cody's been up here with the rest of us this whole time."
The ride to the island was pretty uneventful, except for when Katie and Sadie kept talking about God knows what and saying, "Oh my gosh." until Sarah finally had enough and screamed, "Shut the fuck up!"
"Remind me again why Izzy and Owen invited Heather and Alejandro?"
"Because they invited everyone." said Beth.
"It doesn't matter; Heather and Alejandro will keep to themselves. This is a vacation, not another game for a million dollars."
"What do you think we can expect on this little vacation."
"The review said it's supposed to be a playground for the whole family… Whatever that means."
"As long as it has the three S's I don't care." said Leshawna.
"You know; sun, sand, and surf."
"You know, I'm surprised Izzy and Owen could afford to make an entire island resort on just a million dollars."
"I wouldn't be surprised if they end up in debt before the end of the month."
"They're dying?!" exclaimed Lindsay.
"Not death, debt."
"Oh… what's the difference again?"
Everyone ran to the side of the boat where Angela had called from. There appeared to be a Care Bear doll floating in the water.
"Wait, what are you doing?!"
Much to everyone's surprise, Sarah jumped off the boat and into the water after it. It was then that she remembered that she didn't know how to swim.
"Someone throw her a preserver! Lower the life boat!"
Last season Sarah became the newest camper to join the TD cast. Not only was she the only American on the show besides John, she was also an albino that brought her pet cat, which was also an albino, with her where ever she went because it was her only friend. She was very sensitive about her condition. After the first challenge she beat the shit out of Alejandro for calling her a vampire, breaking his arm in several places. Throughout the game Heather openly denied her existence simply because she thought she was an undesirable. During the finale Sarah got her revenge by breaking Heather's fibula when she tried to sabotage her. No one on board the ship could imagine why she would dive into the ocean to save a Care Bear doll when she couldn't swim. Luckily the others managed to get her back aboard.
"What the hell were you thinking?"
Angela noticed that Sarah's name was on the bear's tag.
"Not that it's any of your business, but I've had this Harmony Bear since I was old enough to think! Now which of you bastards threw it in the ocean?!"
The fact that two campers weren't up on deck with them was all Sarah needed to know.
"Oh boy… she's seeing red."
"I WILL FUCKING KILL THEM!"
John was already on the move.
"Get out of my way dragon boy!"
"Look, what they did was wrong, but I'm not about to…"
Before John could finish his sentence Sarah shoved him.
"Alright that's it…"
John was the only camper who was brave enough to stand up to Sarah after she started beating the life out of Alejandro last season. This scuffle was turning out to be just as vicious.
"Somebody stop them!"
"Are you insane?" asked Noah "I'm not getting in that scrap."
It seemed like John and Sarah were fighting to a standstill, then suddenly…
"AHH! SONOVA! MOTHER!"
John socked Sarah really hard in the face.
"I ink yoboke by dose!"
"YOU PRACTICALLY BIT MY FUCKING FINGER OFF!"
Just then John's hand went to his head and he fell to his knees.
"John! What's wrong?"
John had been released from the hospital awhile ago, but he had been advised to take it easy for awhile. If he exerted himself too much he got really bad headaches.
"Angela, get John's medicine!" said Courtney.
"This is gonna be a long two weeks." thought Gwen.
To be continued
"John? Can you hear me?"
"What are those pills anyway?" asked Tyler.
"It's a prescription narcotic, heavy painkiller. It makes the process of healing his skull a lot less of an ordeal."
The pain in John's head finally began to subside.
"Johny Depp was right." he said looking at Courtney "Morality sucks."
"Because otherwise we could make this a really memorable vacation." he whispered.
"I'm going to assume that's the pills talking."
The others had to come up with thirty bucks for Eva to knock Sarah out so she wouldn't kill Heather and Alejandro when they came up.
"What the hell were you two thinking?!"
"She broke my leg!"
"Well that certainly justifies attempted murder in the first degree."
"What do you mean first degree murder?" asked Alejandro.
"She can't swim, and you threw her stuffed bear into the ocean." said Bridgette.
"We didn't think she'd actually jump in after it."
"Well of course she jumped in after it, it meant something to her!" replied Beth.
"Well in any case, I can't really kill someone who doesn't exist." said Heather.
"Not this crap again."
"Giant iceberg!Dead ahead!"
For a moment everyone turned their heads in the direction Ezekiel was pointing.
"That's a cloud." said Gwen.
"How the heck could you mistake something that's not even on the water for an iceberg?" asked Noah.
"I don't get out much and my grandmother was a heavy drinker?"
"In think we've had enough."
"Seriously, it's an island!" said Cody.
Sure enough a sizable island was coming into view over the horizon.
"Ladies and gentlemen this you captain speaking. Allow me to be the first to welcome you to the island of Imakinakinki."
"Yahoo! Let's get this party started!"
"Well who were you expecting, Santa Claus?"
Sierra was sporting a new look which incorporated blue jean shorts, a white top that left her shoulders exposed, and a green shawl around her neck.
"Is it just me, or did her boobs get a lot bigger?" asked Gwen.
"Trust me girl, it ain't just you." replied Leshawna.
At this point Sarah started to come around.
"What happened? Last I remember I was… I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!"
"Oh crap, not again."
This time instead of knocking Sarah out again, the others just had Eva pin her against the wall.
"Sarah, listen to me, those two aren't worth it."
"When someone has the balls to throw my cherished childhood toy into the ocean, and nearly drown me, SOMEONE'S GONNA DIE!"
"Look girl, if there's one thing I've learned playing TD, it's what goes around comes around." said Leshawna "Heather and Alejandro will get what's coming to them, and you'll be able laugh at them without having to spend the rest of your life behind bars."
"Personally I think the jury would be on my side."
"You're probably right, but I wouldn't take that chance."
Once they touched down on the island they greeted by Izzy dressed like a like a real Polynesian Queen, and Owen was covered in the same body paint he wore the day Izzy, Bridgette, and Lindsay posed for photo shoot before American Tour, but thankfully he was also wearing a loincloth.
"Welcome everybody to Imakinakinki, a tropical playground for the whole family! What's up?!"
"Nice to see you too Izzy."
"Now just because we're family friendly, doesn't mean we can't have some love. For that reason allow me to introduce our love guru, former Miss Universe, Aunt 'Ano'i, no relation."
"Aunt 'Ano'i? Aren't you supposed to be like seventy years old."
"Seventy-eight, to be exact."
"Then how do you look so young?"
Except for her gray hair, Aunt 'Ano'i, didn't look a day over thirty.
"That's my little secret. And if you think this is impressive, wait till you see my hubby."
"Excellent idea.Everyone, meet Zane, our chief of security."
Ano'i's husband was easily eight feet tall. Not only did he have more muscles than a clam factory, but his body was covered with tattoos.
"Who the heck are you supposed to be?" asked Noah.
"Who the heck am I supposed to be?" asked Zane sounding gruff "Who the hell are you supposed to be? Don't answer that, I know exactly who you are. You an XSVFL."
"I'm a what?"
"An XSVFL.An extra-small virgin for life."
"Dude, you just got roasted." said Geoff.
"I'll bet those two have crazy nights in bed."
All the girls giggled.
"I don't get it." said Lindsay.
Just then a girl in a hula costume with pink streaks in her hair fell out of a nearby palm tree.
"That's Cassandra, she's a local, and she's also our chief psychic."
"That's right! I can see the FUUUUTUUUURE!"
"Ugh… why do you need a psychic?" asked Cody.
"Like we said, in addition this being a playground for the whole family, it's also a place for people to come together. People deserve to know if it's going to last or not.
"WAIT! I'm getting something!"
Cassandra put her hands on sides of her forehead, like she had some kind of third eye in the middle.
"I see… I see… gasp!"
"What? What is it?"
"Oh I can't wait to hear this." said Duncan.
"Before this week is over… two of the people in this group are going to break the seventh!"
(To be continued)
"The what?" asked Trent.
"The seventh." replied Cassandra.
"The seventh what?"
"I think she means the seventh commandment." said John.
"Somone's killing somebody?!" asked Lindsay.
"No, that's the sixth commandment. The seventh commandment is, thou shall not commit adultery."
"Oh… What's adultery?"
"Lindsay, there are minors present."
"Okay… Why don't we show everybody to their rooms?"
"That's probably a good idea, dinner is in two hours."
"Hey Gwen, I'll bet you it's Lindsay and Tyler." whispered Duncan.
"Oh please, you don't really think that girl can actually see the future do you?"
"Stranger things have happened."
"Well I know I'm not going to be one of those people. If anyone does give it up it will probably be either Geoff and Bridgette or Heather and Alejandro, who knows what else they were doing while we were on the boat?"
"You're on, we both get two couples, and the loser has to run a naked lap around the island."
"Are you crazy?"
"Are you chicken?"
"I'm worried that the rest of the island won't like seeing your three stooges."
"Okay, what if the loser can do the lap at night?"
"Okay, you've got yourself a bet. But who's your second couple?"
Duncan had to think about this. None of the couples left really looked like they were ready to give it up. There was John and Courtney, but John's little sister was with them. Besides, those two were so stiff you could attach strings to their limbs and use them as puppets.
"Okay, my second couple is Cody and Sierra."
"It don't think Cody would willingly do that, no matter how big Sierra's breasts have gotten."
"He doesn't have to."
"I don't think Sierra would go that far. Besides, she's barely even looked at him since we came here."
"You wanna up the bet?"
"No thank you. The thought of running across the island in my birthday suit is enough for me."
Everyone was surprised by the size of the main building. Given the size of the island, they expected it to be much smaller.
"This looks expensive." said Alejandro.
"Who cares if the two crazies go bankrupt?" said Heather "As long as they don't repossess the island before we're done here."
When they entered the building the first thing they saw as an intimidating onyx mask in the shape of a skull on a podium in the center of the lobby.
"What the heck is that?!"
"That will be explained later." said Izzy "Everybody settle into your rooms and get unpacked, because tonight we're gonna light it up at a luau! And Big-O, what you say you and me have a little pre-party in the mud baths?"
"I think you read my mind."
Since the campers were the only guests on the island for two weeks, everyone had their own room. After settling in, Sierra was joined by Aunt 'Ano'i.
"You take direction well Sierra. The shawl is a very nice touch."
"You should know, when I want something I work for it."
"But how is the rest of you? Strip down to your underwear."
As thanks for her support during the final stages of American Tour, Izzy had hooked Sierra up with 'Ano'i, whose instructions Sierra had been following for the past two months for this chance to finally get Cody.
"I was thinking maybe I could wear just the shawl for a shirt."
"Not yet. Pretend you're an onion, let Cody enjoy one layer at a time."
"Don't onions smell?"
"Not with this."
'Ano'i handed Sierra a bottle of perfume.
"I call it A Succubus' Kiss, this will make any boy melt."
"Why didn't you give me this earlier?"
"Let's just say there's a bit of a legal issue, but since we're technically in international waters we no longer have that problem."
Just before the luau, the campers ran into Cassandra again.
"I'm having another vision!"
"Oh boy… this is going to be fascinating."
"I see something… something… something… something… orange!"
"And what the heck is that supposed to mean?"
"I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise."
After the sun went down, it was your typical luau, then some fireworks went off and both Izzy and Owen came on stage in their Polynesian outfits.
"What's up everybody!" said Owen "Now that we're all settled in, I officially declare the vacation switch to be in the ON position!"
"And we know what you're thinking, how did we pull all this off on just a million dollars? We'll let you in on a little secret… we didn't. Zane, take it away!"
Zane walked on stage with several dancers dressed in what appeared to be pirate outfits.
"Hundreds of years ago, only the bravest men in the world dared to sail these seas, because they were ruled by Black Ed."
Suddenly a huge cloud of smoke erupted from the stage, and from it emerged another actor, only this one was wearing a mask similar to the one in the lobby.
Black Ed got his name from the onyx mask her wore to strike fear into his victims. He was the nastiest, the meanest, vilest, and possibly the richest pirate who ever lived. He and his crew onboard the Reaper sacked many ports and pillaged many ships, for many years' people were too terrified to leave dry land, then one day… Black Ed, his crew, and his ship just vanished, never to be seen again."
"So what happened?" asked Tyler.
"Do you think asking obvious questions makes you look any smarter? For hundreds of years the fate of Black Ed and his cut throat crew remained a mystery."
"That's when we came along and did some island hunting." said Izzy "During our visit, we discovered that this island contained Black Ed's giant treasure trove, a fact the island's previous owner had been completely ignorant of."
"How did you find it?"
"I fell down a hole." said Owen.
"So we bought the island, scored the treasure in the process, and now we have the island of Imakinakinki! A playground for the whole family, and where people can come together!"
"What happened to the pirates?" asked Bridgette.
"The remains of the ship can be found at the bottom of the bay, and most of the pirates along with it. We found Black Ed's body in the treasure trove. Apparently he died of syphilis, because he was holding an old piece of paper saying that he 'regretted ever kidnapping those salty wenches'."
"Guys, what's syphilis?" asked Angela.
"Let's just say this, if it's not treated early, it isn't pretty." said Courtney.
To be continued
The luau was over and the campers were returning to their rooms.
"Telling everyone that the island was once used as an infamous pirate's treasure trove… Oh yeah, that's gonna be very good for business."
Ever since the finale of American Tour, Christina McLean was forced to go into hiding. If she was going to keep an eye on the campers, then it was going to have be done from a distance. Fortunately all it took was a couple payoffs to have her own cameras set up on the island of Imakinakinki. She hadn't yet decided what she was going to do, but she knew she had to do something.
"If I don't keep my fans entertained they'll forget who I am. I'll figure something out before their vacation ends."
Christina looked at John kissing Courtney goodnight before walking back to his room with his little sister in hand.
"Cancer, drugs, electrocution, and a gunshot wound to the head. I thought it was cats that had nine lives, not dragons."
The reason the dragon was John's symbol was because when he survived his cancer treatment, his oriental oncologist told him that since he was born in the year of the dragon he had luck, something most of his other patients didn't have. The only cat in the Chinese zodiac was the tiger, and John would have to have been born two years before he was in order for it to fit.
"I'd love to catch him and Courtney playing Hide the Salami. She's already showed him her breasts; if he didn't have his little sister with him."
Christina was a firm believer in superstition, or else she wouldn't have spent so much time looking for an actual haunted house to trap the campers in the previous Halloween. If there was even the slightest chance that Izzy and Owen's little fortuneteller actually could see the future, then she didn't want to miss a moment.
"Maybe Sierra will try to pick the lock on Cody's belt. I wonder how much she spent on those new tits. Maybe John will wait until Angela's asleep and then slip out. The possibilities are limitless."
Christina stared at her monitors for about two hours, but none of the campers left their rooms.
"Okay, I'm officially bored now. She did say it would happen within a week. Wait a minute, what the hell is that?"
There was a bright flash across one of Christina's monitors, and she couldn't believe what she saw next.
"This little island getaway of theirs just got really weird… and I like weird."
Instead of being awoken by her cat Pearl licking her face, Sarah was awoken by some loud screaming. She got out of bed, pulled on her robe, went to the door, and saw John running down the hall with his swords, followed by several of the others.
"What the heck is going on?"
"We don't know, Heather and Alejandro have just suddenly started screaming bloody murder."
"Someone's been murdered?!" exclaimed Lindsay.
"It's just an expression."
"This I need to see."
When they made it to Heather and Alejandro's rooms, no one could keep themselves from laughing.
"My skin!My beautiful skin!"
There wasn't a single spot of skin on Heather or Alejandro that wasn't orange. No matter how much cold cream Heather rubbed on herself, it simply refused to come off.
"Hold on, let the dermatology expert through."
Aunt 'Ano'i took a good look at both Heather and Alejandro's skin.
"Have you two been eating carrots?"
"Didn't you know? Eating too many can turn you orange." said Bridgette.
"Is that true?" asked Duncan.
"Only if you eat too many." said Gwen "Carrots contain pigments called carotenoids. Though beneficial to your body, eating more than your body can store or use will cause it to build up in your blood stream, turning the skin an orange or yellow colour."
"I haven't been eating carrots." said Alejandro "Someone had to… Where's that crazy fortune teller!"
Cassandra appeared almost on cue, only today the streaks in her hair were green instead of pink.
"What'd I miss?
"You dirty bitch! What did you do to me?!"
"Hold on there Mr. Bull." said Zane holding Alejandro back.
"She said she saw something orange in the future, and now she's gone and painted us orange!"
"You haven't been painted orange, if that had been the case then Heather would have scraped some paint off by now."
"Besides, do I look like the kind of person who would break into a person's room and paint them orange?"
"No sign of forced entry on the door; and Cassandra doesn't have a key for these rooms anyway." said Zane.
"It could be one of the staff. I'll check the surveillance recordings."
"Oh come on, how can you paint someone orange without waking them up?" asked Cody.
"We've already established that this isn't paint."
"So what happened here?"
To be continued
"Do you think it's because they did it?" asked Duncan.
"STDs can really ruin your life and or end it, but I've never heard of one that turns your whole body orange, let alone within twelve hours of copulation." replied Gwen.
"Knocking boots. And if they did do it, you'd be the one running around the island in your birthday suit."
"Hey Cassandra, has anyone broken the seventh yet?"
"Not yet, but the week's still young."
"Any premonitions for today?"
"Not at the moment."
Heather and Alejandro were going to spend the entire day in the infirmary while the resort's medical personnel tried to figure out what had caused their skin to turn red.
"Like I said girl, payback's a bitch." said Leshawna.
"You didn't have anything to do with that, did you?" asked Sarah.
"No, I'm just as surprised as you are. But I wish I did know, so I could send them a gift basket or something."
The campers were preparing to go scuba diving, all except Sarah, who was staying on dry land to catch up on her reading. When they made it to the boat, they met a familiar face.
"George! Abe! We were wondering where you two were!"
George was the hobo that lived in the caboose of the train the campers traveled in during American Tour. Chris let him stay on the train because the thought it brought some flavor to the show. Halfway through the season they found out that George's mysterious friend, who had been absent until then, was actually a talking Velociraptor. During the final challenge, Izzy promised George that she'd let him stay on their island if he helped her win the million dollars by letting her race
"Argh! It's good to see ya again. I used to sail boats back in the war, so naturally I & O hired me to take tourists scuba diving."
"Which war did you fight in exactly?"
Whenever George told stories about his passed, he always seemed to contradict something he already said. In order for even half of them to be true, he would have had to have been at least ninety years old. It made the campers wonder if George was either a pathological liar, or just plain senile.
"As I was a walking down Paradise Street," he sang as they set sail "Way hey blow the man down! A pretty young damsel I chanced for to meet. Give me some time to blow the man down!"
"Where's Abe at?" asked Sierra.
"He's back on the island fishing."
"Where did you get a talking raptor?" asked Angela.
"Okay, I'll let you in on the secret because you're such a darling little lassie." said George "Once when I was traveling through Athens; I fell into a deep dark cave. I wandered around blindly for many hours, until finally I happened across a fairy trapped in some kind of crystal ball. In exchange for setting her free, she agreed to grant me a single wish."
"And you wished for a talking raptor?"
"You know, you could have just wished for ten billion dollars or something."
"My dear, ten billion dollars is ten billion dollars, but a best friend is priceless."
Angela was quick to share this information with the others. Gwen started laughing.
"I actually guessed that might be how it happened, but I wasn't serious."
"There are really fairies?!" asked Lindsay.
"Come on, George is nuts, there's no such thing as fairies."
"Well, how do you explain the fact that the man has a talking raptor running around?" asked Trent.
"Maybe the man made a life size model out of clay and just breathed life into it." said Noah, making no effort to hide the sarcasm "Maybe he's God almighty, that's clearly the only way he could have done all the things that he's said he's done. How else could you live through all these wars he's said he's fought in and still be alive?"
"What do you think John?" asked Harold.
"Let me put it this way, I'm sure there are extraterrestrials out there in this big universe, but I haven't seen any."
As the boat sailed on, everyone was dressed in scuba gear.
"You can't talk in these things." said Tyler.
"That's why we have comms."
"Okay Angela, if you get scared tug on this rope three times. George will pull you out."
"I'm not scared, mom told me to take lots of pictures. If anyone's scared it's you."
"You have your swords."
"I'd rather have them and not need them, then need them and not have them. Or do I need to remind you what happened that time I took you trick-or-treating?"
"Let's go lover boy."
The campers found themselves in the middle of a huge reef with lots of fish swimming about.
"You definitely don't see this back home."
Angela was having a field day taking pictures of all the exotic fish with her waterproof camera.
"Hey guys! Check this out!" said Geoff.
"Is that what I think it is?"
The campers were looking at the remains of an old wooden ship.
"Argh, sounds like you've found the Reaper." said George "As I'm sure you know, Black Ed and his crew of devilish pirates sailed the seven seas for many years onboard this vessel. Many ships fell prey to her cannons."
Angela took a lot of pictures of the ship, but then she noticed something swimming inside.
"Uh… guys… I think we have a problem here."
"What is it?"
A second later Angela's fear was verified when the creature swam out.
The campers found themselves staring at a fully grown Hammerhead shark.
"Nobody move!" said Bridgette.
"Because there's no way you can out swim a shark."
"George, are you up there?" asked Gwen "We need you to get above us."
At first the shark didn't seem to take any interest in the campers, but then it came swimming toward Lindsay.
John quickly drew his swords.
"John no! He's an endangered species!" said DJ.
"Oh course he is…Eva! Punch it in the gills or the eye!"
One punch from Eva was all it took to convince the shark to give up and swim away.
"Hammerheads are known to form schools during the day, everyone out of the water."
All the campers were quickly back on the boat.
"Angela, are you okay."
"Are you kidding? I got pictures of fish and an actual pirate ship!"
"Excellent, but let's not tell mom about the shark."
"Why exactly did it single Lindsay out?"
"Wait a minute… Lindsay, are you having your period?" asked Bridgette.
"Oh for Pete's sake." said Courtney.
"Lindsay, sharks are drawn to the scent of blood."
"Oh… Wish I'd known that sooner."
"This is more boring than Godfather 3."
Christina had been watching the monitors all night. After dinner the campers went out stargazing. Courtney had a heartfelt discussion with Angela about how she wasn't hindering her relationship with John, and that she was like a little sister to her, and so far it didn't look like any campers were about indulge their hormones, except for Izzy and Owen, but everyone knew about that.
"Hold on… What's this?"
Bridgette left her room, but she didn't head for Geoff's, instead she went out onto the beach.
"Skinny dipping late at night, just after they were attacked by a hammerhead shark? I guess she didn't want to be afraid of the water for the rest of her life. Well, in any case this is way too boring. I may have to put my plan into action sooner than I thought."
Miraculously, the next day Heather and Alejandro both had their original skin colors back.
"So what exactly happened to them?" asked Cody.
"Well according to the medics there's was nothing wrong with them. Aside from the fact that their skin seemed to have spontaneously turned orange."
"Well that makes about as much sense as having a talking raptor walking around the place." said Sierra.
At that moment Cassandra finally arrived for breakfast, today her streaks were yellow.
"Any predictions for today?"
"Let's just say things are going to get a little crazy."
At the start of the day the only thing that had happened was that Lindsay was nowhere to be found. It turned out that she was with Aunt 'Ano'i, who was giving her body paint bikini, something she hadn't done since the photo shoot before American Tour, only this time Tyler was around to enjoy it.
"Maybe she's giving him a preview before the main event." whispered Duncan.
"Oh please, a few days ago Lindsay didn't even know what breaking the seventh commandment meant." said Gwen.
"In all honesty neither did I, I never went to Sunday school, but you don't need to know what the commandment is to break it."
"Yeah, but I'm willing to bet Lindsay doesn't even know the mechanics of love-making."
"I think you're just worried that I'm going to win the bet."
Things started to get crazy when everyone began playing in "The Arena". The arena was a big pool with two artificial pirate ships in the middle. Both ships had huge water cannons, and the campers were all carrying their own squirt guns. It was like they were playing paint ball. Noah got knocked around a lot by the others, and soon he got worked up enough to shove Lindsay in the pool, fortunately her painted on bikini was waterproof. After that things got a little out of hand, and Zane told everyone to break for lunch. No one expected what happened next.
"Johnny… I feel… funny…"
"Funny weird or funny ha-ha?"
John turned to look at his little sister and saw that her eyes were bloodshot.
"I can taste the sky…"
Johnny barely got out of his seat in time to keep Angela from hitting her head on the ground.
"Angela, what is wrong with you?!"
"Aww heeeell no!" exclaimed Leshawna "This poor little white girl is higher than Charlie Sheen in a hot air balloon!"
"Someone get her to the infirmary." said Zane.
John immediately flipped out.
"Who did this?!"
"Don't look at me." said Alejandro "Do I look like the kind of person whose gets his kicks out of drugging children?"
"Maybe it was Ezekiel! His father used to be a dealer!"
"My dad is what?"
"I think we found the problem." said Zane "One of our employees, who has glaucoma, said that some of his special prescribed chocolate was missing, and we found this in Angela's pocket."
Zane was holding a green wrapper that had the words "CRAZY-COCO" printed on it.
"I'm guessing Angela took one without asking."
"Or someone gave it to her." said Courtney.
"I don't suppose anyone here knows how to dust for fingerprints?"
"Why don't we just ask Angela when she snaps out of it?"
"I've got a bad feeling that she won't be out of it for awhile."
"Not a word of this to anyone." said John angrily before stomping off.
Angela spent the rest of the day in the infirmary babbling nonsensically. It's very hard to get any information out of someone when they think you're a six headed monster with a body made of candy.
"Why would you put Mary Jane in your chocolate?" asked Justin.
"Because people are under the impression that it's healthier than smoking it."
"Yeah, they say the same thing about chewing tobacco. Don't believe it."
"What exactly does the stuff do for people with glaucoma?" asked Cody.
"It's not a cure, it just helps treat the symptoms." said Sierra.
"How would you know that?"
"I did a big report on it in school once."
That night John sat alone on the beach beside a dying fire. His mood hadn't improved much.
"A bit windy, isn't it?"
John thought it was amazing how good Courtney could look in a simple white halter top and some blue jeans. He wondered if she was wearing golden panties underneath, then she would be wearing the same outfit she wore when they did the photo shoot for his cologne.
"It doesn't surprise me. I heard there's going to be a big storm tomorrow."
"I'm sure Izzy and Owen have plenty of ways to entertain us inside the main building."
It didn't take a genius to tell that John was still upset.
"How is she?"
"She's still babbling. I tried to talk to her and she thought I was the ghost of Black Ed."
"I'm just going to throw this out there. I'm sure you could sue."
"No amount of money could fix what will happen if my mother finds out that my little sister was drugged."
"Point taken. You should probably make sure Sierra doesn't blog about it."
"I'm not worried about her; she didn't find it any funnier than I did. I just hope Alejandro is still worried I'll kick his ass if he tells anyone."
"You'd take him down any day of the week."
"First we get attacked by a shark, now this happened."
"It's not your fault Johnny."
"I know… But I'm her big brother… I'm supposed to take care of her."
"Actually, your mom sent her here to keep an eye on us."
"And whose fault is that?"
Courtney took a sip of the drink she had with her.
"I can't help it, you're just too sexy."
It didn't take until morning for the storm to break out, but it wasn't the roaring winds, the beating rain, or the thunder and lightning that woke the campers. It was the sound of someone screaming.
"Oh god, what now?" said Duncan coming out of his room.
"Maybe Alejandro and Heather woke up with polka dots." suggested Geoff.
"That's not Heather screaming… That's Angela!"
They found Angela still screaming in the lobby.
"Angie, what are you doing out of bed?" asked John.
Angela looked like she had seen a ghost. She was gasping for breath and there were tears running down her face. She didn't speak, she only pointed at something.
"The mask! It's gone!" exclaimed Cody.
Izzy and Owen had Black Ed's onyx mask on display in the lobby, but now it was gone.
"Okay, get everyone into the cafeteria." said Zane "No one leaves until we get a look at the surveillance footage."
Angela buried her face in John's arms.
"She shouldn't even be out of bed. It'd wager she's still got some of the wacky stuff in her system."
Just then Angela sounded like she was trying to say something, but it was barely audible.
"What did she say?" asked Courtney.
"I think she said… It was a… big man with an ugly face."
"I've been all over this island, and I'm yet to see anyone with an ugly face." said George.
"Isn't that because blind?" asked Noah "Speaking of which, how are you able to get a job taking tourists scuba diving?"
"When the eyes went, the other senses got stronger. And when that's not enough I've got Abe to be my eyes."
"Oh, I feel real secure knowing that there's an overgrown talking iguana around to be a blind man's eyes."
"Speak of the devil."
Abe came walking through the door at that moment. His scaly skin was all wet."
"Where were you?" asked George.
"I was just looking at Noah's medical records, and I'm afraid he sucks!"
"So where were you really?"
"In this weather?"
"Raptors need to eat."
At that moment Zane came back with the security footage.
"We have a problem. Someone's been messing with the cameras, they don't show Angela leaving the infirmary or why, but when we checked the camera in the lobby we found this."
The footage showed the mask being taken by a man with a hideously deformed face, and dressed in an outfit similar to the one worn by the actor who played Black Ed on the night of the luau.
"HOLY CRAP! IT'S A ZOMBIE!" exclaimed Izzy.
"Zombies? ZOMBIES!" screamed Owen.
"How the hell did either of those two ever manage to win a season of Total Drama?" asked Heather.
"Angela, is this the person you saw?" asked Zane.
Angela just screamed.
"I'll take that as a yes."
"He looks like he has the pox." said Gwen.
"I did some research on the internet. Patients with severe cases of syphilis usually have deformed facial features."
"I'm pretty sure Black Ed was a lot more decomposed when we found him."
"That's because there's no such thing as zombies."
"Yeah, we said the same thing about ghosts on Halloween, and we all remember how that turned out." said Bridgette.
"I say we go check out Ed's grave, just to be sure."
Since his secret treasure trove helped pay for their resort, Izzy and Owen figured the least they could do for Black Ed was give him a decent burial. His decayed remains were buried in a black marble coffin in the cave where the treasure used to be. Only half the campers were willing to go down and check it out.
"Does anyone have a shotgun?" asked Cody.
"He has a point. Shotgun in the face is usually the best way to kill a zombie." said Harold.
"Oh for god's sake, there's no such thing as zombies."
Alejandro shoved the lid off the coffin, his face immediately turned green.
"That's not Black Ed, is it?" asked Trent.
"What was your first clue?"
The person in the coffin looked like he was one of Izzy or Owen's employees. He had a lot of Crazy-Coco bars shoved in his mouth.
"I take it that's the guy with glaucoma."
"He's dead." said Zane inspecting the body "Everyone back to the main building."
Zane called the police, but with the storm raging it was going to be some time before they arrived. In the meantime he ordered his security team to turn the island upside down before they found the mask and Black Ed's remains. Meanwhile the campers were allowed to go about their business. Sierra was going to have a session with Aunt 'Ano'i when she ran into Cassandra, whose streaks had once again changed color. Today they were blue.
"Any insight into all this craziness?"
"I see… I see… something… something… dark blue… with black stripes!"
"Is someone else's skin going to inexplicably change color?"
"Not exactly. Let's just say you'll have one heck of a scoop for your blogs."
Since the storm was still raging, the campers tried to make the best of the indoor activities. Most of the girls went down to the mud baths.
"Well… drugged little girls and dead employees can't be very good for business." said Beth
"As long as Izzy and Owen can prove it's not the resorts fault I'm sure they'll be fine."
"So… Who would want to ruin our vacation?" asked Bridgette.
"I'll give you three guesses." said Gwen.
Just then the lights all went out.
"What the heck!"
"Everyone calm down! It's probably just the storm."
"But doesn't this island have it's own generator?"
BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA- BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA- BUDDA!
"What the hell was that?"
"Well if I had to take a guess… I'd say they were gunshots you stupid white girl!" said Leshawna.
It was only seconds later that someone in the building started screaming bloody murder.
Everyone froze where they were. When the door to the mud bath finally opened all the girls screamed.
"Calm down, it's us."
They breathed a heavy sigh of relief when they saw that it several of Zane's security guards. They were then escorted back to the lounge with everyone else.
"What the heck is going on?!" asked Bridgette.
"Didn't you here Izzy screaming her head off? Owen's been shot!"
"Oh my god, is he alright?!"
"We don't know, he was rushed to the infirmary. It took Zane and several of his goons to lift him off the ground."
"Didn't you hear all those shots? If he's still alive it'll only be for a couple more seconds." said Duncan.
"You're not going to believe this." said Zane coming into the room "But he was only shot once."
"Are you kidding me? I heard like eighteen shots!"
"Twenty one." said Cody "Twenty of which came from an automatic weapon, the one remaining sounding like it came from some kind of antique."
For a moment everyone just looked like Cody.
"What? You don't think I became King of the Canyon just because of my looks?"
"No, it's because Courtney's one of the worst shots here."
"What are you talking about? I was in the final two of TDH!"
"Only because you seduced John earlier in the season and spent the final challenge camping in Blue Base."
"I did not seduce him!"
"You fell for your mark."
"Will you people just calm down!"
The silence was interrupted by Sierra's phone saying that she had mail.
"Really? You're checking your email now?" asked Gwen.
"Uh guys… The title says, I want to play a game."
"Oh god, please tell me that's not who I think it is." said Trent.
The email contained a link to a webcam feed.
"Did you miss me?"
"AH! IT'S CHRISTINA!"
"That's my name, don't wear it out. I hate to interrupt you little island retreat, but I understand you've been having some problems."
"You dirty bitch! You shot Owen!"
"I did nothing of the sort. I've been holed up here in my secret hideout. I did have my own little plans for your little vacation, but I think this is a lot more entertaining. I will reward one million dollars to the camper who solves the mystery of who shot your precious tub of lard first."
"You've got to be kidding me. If you know who did it, doesn't that mean that you're the killer?" asked Sarah.
"I've already told you, I'm not even on the island. In fact I'm not even within a five hundred mile radius of it. I'm just a fly on the wall. Good luck… may the best detective win."
"Let's go to the island, it's free tropical vacation, it'll be fun." said Heather sarcastically to Alejandro.
"How could that crazy white bitch know who the shooter is and not be here?" asked Leshawna.
"Maybe someone who works here is on her payroll."
Zane took out his walkie.
"Send someone down to human resources. Look for anything suspicious in the files. And someone get on the phone and tell them we need a medical evac ASAP. In the meantime this hotel is now a crime scene. No one goes anywhere without my permission."
For about thirty minutes everyone was quiet. The only sound that could be heard was the rain coming down on the glass windows.
"So… Has anyone broken the seventh yet?" asked Duncan.
"Are you seriously asking that question right now?" asked Courtney.
"Just trying to ease the tension."
"If someone has, it wasn't with me." said Cody.
"Me neither." said John.
"Shouldn't we be looking for clues as to who shot Owen?"
"No one is going anywhere." said Zane "This is a police matter."
"The police aren't here."
"No, but they will be. And they're not going to like it if a bunch of kids contaminate a crime scene."
"And in case you've forgotten, every time we play one of Christina's games we get shot at." said Courtney.
"Speaking of the police, do you think they could find out where Christina is from the email she sent Sierra?" asked Gwen.
"It depends on how many proxies she filtered it through."
"She's one of the most wanted people in North America, and she's been able to avoid the authorities for months. The only way she's going to be caught is if she wants to be found." said Duncan.
"Aunt 'Ano'i, was Zane ever a cop?" asked Beth.
"He's been a lot of things. But no matter what it is he takes his work very seriously, just one of the things we had in common."
The storm continued to rage on. The island's medical staff was able to stabilize Owen, but they were still going to have to evac him for proper treatment, and the police wouldn't be able to arrive either until the storm let up.
"We've received word that they're sending the special cases unit led by Captain Lawrence Armytrio."
"Is that someone we should know?" asked Alejandro.
"He's closed more complicated cases than anyone in this part of the world."
"What do you mean when you say complicated?"
"Crime is common in the world. But every now and then something happens that you're just not prepared for. Last year he caught someone the press was calling the Scrabble Killer."
"The Scrabble Killer?" asked everyone.
"She left a game of Scrabble which spelled an obscene message every time she killed someone."
"Okay, now that's just weird." said Harold.
"Zane since you're head of security, can you at least tell us why Owen was only shot once."
"It's not just the fact that he was only shot once that is weird. Cody was right; one of the guns was a real antique. The shot that hit him came from a flintlock, the kind of thing they used back in the colonial era. But the first twenty shots all came from an automatic weapon. I don't know how, but the shooter missed him and hit everything else, which is odd considering that Owen was shot at close range."
"How can you tell he was shot at close range?"
When a gun is fired the momentum is transferred to the ground through the body of the shooter. Since the shooter shot at him twenty one times he left very distinct impressions in the ground. He or she was so close to Owen that in order to miss him twenty times with a machine gun, they must've either been a really-really-really bad shot or blind."
Everyone looked at George.
"I was in my room the whole time, and Abe can vouch for me. Besides, I haven't touched a gun since the war."
"Let me guess. You were engaging Dark Troopers in the Battle of Talay." joked Harold.
"What are you talking about?"
"Star Wars, it's a joke."
"Ugh… this is definitely one of those days." said Courtney.
Who do you think will break the seventh?
Because of the storm, it took the police five hours to arrive.
"Well it's about time." said Leshawna.
"We're just lucky the island's medics managed to keep Owen stable for five hours."
Captain Lawrence Armytrio finally walked in. He wasn't just another cop, he was a hardened veteran. His hair and beard were gray with age, and his eyes were like sharp black knives.
"Is this everyone?" he asked Zane.
"All the guests. We did a headcount on our staff, save for the deceased we're only missing the guy who cleans the hot tubs and the indoor pool."
"You heard the security chief, we're looking for a pool boy."
"There are over four dozen employees on this island, and they're going to start with a missing pool boy?" asked Courtney.
"Guilty until proven innocent." said John "And he's the only one who's missing."
The search for the missing pool boy didn't last very long, he was found innocent of any foul play… too late.
"MOTHER OF MERCY!"
They found the pool boy outside with his crushed head lying in a pool of his own blood. Almost everyone threw up.
"Are you freaking serious? They dropped an anvil on him?! What kind of deranged Tom and Jerry shit is that?!" exclaimed Noah.
"He's been dead at least an hour." said the captain.
"You can tell that just by looking at him?" asked Bridgette.
"When you've seen as much death as I have, you tend to pick up on a few things."
"If this guy was crushed by an anvil, how on earth did we not hear it?" asked Trent.
"It's been raining all day. He was probably killed when that huge blast of thunder shook the room." said John.
"Did anyone leave the lounge during that time period?"
"Lindsay, Sierra, and Leshawna all left to go to the bathroom."
Captain Armytrio took a good look at all three of them.
"Did they go individually, or all at once?"
"Then I think we can safely assume that these three young women are innocent. I estimate that anvil weighs over two hundred and thirty pounds."
"Are you saying women can't lift stuff?" asked Leshawna.
"Sexism has nothing to do with it. It's a question of weight ratios. I don't think all three of you combined could lift this thing."
"What was the anvil doing here anyway? I've yet to see a blacksmith." said Duncan.
Armytrio led everyone back inside and had their hands checked for gunshot residue, but all the campers and remaining staff members came up negative.
"Alright people, we're looking for guns, gloves, and an onyx mask." he said turning to his men "You find either one you contact me, don't even breathe on it, we're going to do this by the book. We're clearly dealing with one sick S.O.B., and I don't want this one lost on a technicality.
The cops that weren't searching got busy processing the scenes; unfortunately the rain had pretty much comprised the anvil scene. After several hours they couldn't find a single out of place firearm, but they did find a pair of gloves, but it wasn't anything like they were expecting.
"Oh my god, seriously?" asked Duncan.
While searching the rooms, the cops found that someone was in possession of a full blue tiger costume.
"Score another point for Cassandra." said Sierra.
"Whose is that?"
"We found it in room 412."
"That's Noah's room!"
"Uh… someone's pulling a prank!"
"You're red cheeks tell a different story."
Everyone started laughing. Fortunately for Noah there weren't any fibers in any of the crime scenes that were consistent with his costume. If he had dropped the anvil on the latest unfortunate victim, which was impossible since he couldn't even lift it off the ground, his gloves would have left a distinctive paw print. But some people were unconvinced since the anvil had been compromised by the rain.
"Why on Earth would you dress up like a blue tiger?" asked Tyler.
"I've seen this before he probably gets off on it." said Alejandro "Let me guess, it's the only way you get up the courage to talk to women over the internet."
"Yeah, all of you can just go straight to hell."
Christina had been telling the truth that she had no idea that someone was going to start killing employees on the island and shoot Owen. She had her own plans for the campers' vacation, but this was proving to be a lot more entertaining. Thanks to her hidden cameras, she knew who had shot Owen, but she wasn't about to tell anyone.
"The police aren't letting them tamper with the crime scenes, but with a million dollars on the line I'm sure they'll find a way around it."
All the campers went to bed early that evening, then again a couple dead bodies and a bunch of gunshots was sure to ruin anyone's day.
"Hmm… what do we have here?"
When the patrol left the floor, Courtney exited her room and made her way down the hall to John's room.
"Ohh… does she want to finish what she started back in the Caribbean? But Angela's still in there."
It turned out that Courtney wanted to be in John's room for safety reasons.
"Aww… isn't that cute." said Christina looking at the image of the three of them sleeping "I hate cute."
According to Cassandra, one couple from the campers was supposed to break the seventh commandment. Christina had been watching the monitors for days and no one had come close. Bridgette had gone skinny dipping and Sierra looked like she was getting ready to make the move on Cody, but everyone knew how that song and dance went.
"Well… she hasn't been wrong yet. And I still have no idea how Heather and Alejandro just inexplicably turned orange."
Some of the campers were finding it very difficult to sleep knowing that there was a psychotic killer loose on the island. But the ones that had managed to fall asleep were about to get a very rude awakening.
"What the hell was that?"
"Well if I had to take a guess, I'd say it was an explosion." said Alejandro making no attempt to hide his sarcasm.
"Everyone stay in your rooms." said one of the officers in the hall "The big man's looking into it."
"Uh Courtney, what were you doing in John's room?"
"Not that it's any of your business, but I didn't feel safe sleeping alone in my room when there's a maniac running around that drops anvils on your head."
"Or… maybe you were breaking the seventh commandment!" said Sierra.
"Nothing happened." said John "Angela's been in the room with us the whole time."
"Or maybe, she's just covering for you."
"Do you seriously think we would…uh… how to put this… perform wanton acts of carnality in front of my little sister?"
"Wanton acts of who?" asked Lindsay.
There were no more explosions that evening, but Courtney could no longer keep her eyes shut. There was too much on her mind.
"Before I even met him he had cancer. Then after we became a couple he was drugged, electrocuted within an inch of his life, and finally he was shot in the head. Now there's some lunatic loose on the island. We might never get the chance."
In the morning everyone was interviewed by the cops. Apparently the explosion that had occurred during the night had taken the life of another one of Izzy and Owen's employees.
"This is getting serious."
After being interviewed everyone sat in the lounge, while the cops once again started to turn the island upside down trying to find out what happened.
"I overheard them talking. Apparently the killer used a football as the bomb's casing." said Duncan.
"Let me get this straight. You're telling me they used a pig skin to carry who knows what kind of combustible chemicals?"
"Sounds to me like someone's been watching too many Saturday morning cartoons." said Sarah.
"Someone who can also lift a huge anvil and drop it on someone's head."
DJ wasn't a killer, and Eva's whereabouts at the time of the time of the unfortunate pool boy's passing were accounted for.
"Maybe it was a two or three person job."
"Maybe it was Zane!" said Geoff.
"Hello, the guy looks like a tan Bane covered in tattoos."
"He did leave the room a couple times while we waited for the cops."
"Since he's the head of security, he's also the last person we'd expect."
"Actually, I believe the last person we'd suspect is Izzy." said Alejandro.
"Izzy?! A killer?"
"Because a couple gruesome murders on your resort before it even opens isn't very good for business." said Leshawna.
"Besides, why would she try and killer her boyfriend?" asked Beth.
"There's also some bullshit reason to kill your boyfriend."
"Watch your tongue!" said Courtney "There are children present."
"Whatever. In Izzy's case, the motive is money. With her business partner out of the way she would get a bigger slice of the pie."
"What pie? No one told me we were having pie!" said Ezekiel.
"Alejandro in case you've forgotten, this island was bought with Izzy's money, and the resort was built with the money she made from the treasure trove that became hers. She already owns this whole place. Technically Owen works for her."
"What's his position, her personal sex toy?"
"Ugh… I believe that's one of his duties."
"Now can we please avoid that topic?"
"The point is, if Izzy tried to kill Owen it wouldn't accomplish much. And why would she kill all the others?"
Just then Bridgette noticed something that the others hadn't.
"Uh… Sierra, did you spill something on your shirt?"
"Because I can see a pretty big stain on it."
The others didn't think much of it, maybe it was part of some ploy to get Cody to look at her, but then something crossed Bridgette's mind.
"Are you lactating?!"
Nearly all the boys had no idea what she was talking about.
"She's doing what?" asked Tyler.
"It's when a woman secretes milk from her mammary glands… but she would only do that if…"
It was at this moment that Zane, Aunt 'Ano'i, and Izzy came in.
"Is there a problem here?"
"No, we just found out that Sierra's been knocked up." said Duncan.
For the first time since Owen had been shot, Izzy laughed.
"Sierra's the one who broke the seventh?"
Sierra actually seemed as surprised as the others.
"What's everyone looking at me for? It's not mine!" said Cody.
"Did that really happen? I thought I just dreamed it."
"You dreamed it."
"Oh come on, you've been staring at her big fake boobs since we got to this crazy island." said Heather.
"My boobs are not fake!"
"In Cody's defense, most men would probably have a hard time not giving it a second glance." said Harold.
"Well someone has some explaining to do." said Courtney.
"Don't look at me." laughed Trent "Sierra's not my type."
"Me neither." said Justin.
"The only person I'd give myself to is my precious Cody-wody."
"It's not mine!"
"Okay, everyone settle down." said Ano'i "Sierra, come into my office. We'll get to the bottom of this."
Everyone continued to wait in the lounge.
"I guess I win the bet." whispered Duncan to Gwen.
"You only win if Cody's the father."
"Who else would have played hide the salami with Sierra?"
"The guy wears a chastity belt, on his own free will for crying out loud."
"Fine, but if the boot fits you can't go back on our little agreement."
"Something's not right." said John.
"You're going to have to be a little more specific dragon-boy." said Leshawna.
"If Sierra has only just… given it up… her body shouldn't even know it yet."
"And what would you know about pregnancy?" asked Alejandro.
"Curious as to whether or not you've gotten your own girl pregnant."
"Drop it son of Satan, or I'll drop you."
"Oh wait I forgot, you went through chemo, you're probably shooting blanks."
The only thing keeping John from bashing Alejandro's face in was the fact that his little sister was standing right there next to him.
"Aunt 'Ano'i, what's the verdict."
"Yeah, who's your daddy?"
"There is no daddy."
"HOLY COW! IT'S A MIRACLE!"
"Actually there is no daddy because Sierra isn't actually pregnant."
"She's not? But I thought she was lactating."
"What we have here is a classic case of pseudocyesis. A woman exhibits one or several symptoms of pregnancy without actually being pregnant. I know a virgin when I see one, and I can tell beyond the shadow of a doubt that Sierra has never known the touch of a man."
"And… why exactly did she suddenly have a false pregnancy?"
"Wait a minute." said Angela "Talking raptors, people who can see the future, Heather and Alejandro inexplicably turn orange, zombies, false pregnancies… There's only one explanation."
"And that is…"
"It's just like George said, fairies!"
A lot of the others laughed.
"That's just cute."
"John, I think your sister still might have some of that chocolate Mary Jane in her system."
Who will break the seventh?
Duncan wins if it is either Lindsay and Tyler, or Cody and Sierra.
Gwen wins if it's either Geoff and Bridgette, or Heather and Alejandro.
If it's John and Courtney or anyone else, no one wins.
The loser has to run a naked lap around the island.
"I see… I see… I see… something that definitely doesn't belong here."
"Cassandra, could you be a little more specific?" asked Bridgette.
"It's… a bird."
"Well that's all good and fine, but has anyone broken the seventh yet?"
"It'll be… real soon."
Now all the campers were paying attention.
"Who?" asked Tyler.
"Can't tell you."
Christina's face suddenly came up on every monitor on the island.
"Having trouble campers? Is the prospect of a million dollars not enough for you?"
"Kiss my ass."
Without warning Duncan got kicked in the nuts.
"What was that for?" he asked weakly.
"For swearing when there are children present."
"Aww come on, you're boring me." said Christina "In need of a clue? Some things are not as they appear. The mastermind is not working alone here. Look back carefully on everything that has occurred therein. Put the pieces together and try again."
"Please tell me you can trace that." said Captain Armytrio to the tech team.
"Sorry sir, not enough time."
"Sir, we've completed our search. Still no sign of the missing mask, or the guns."
"Well then search the island again, start digging if you have to. I want those weapons found, and someone bring me my jelly beans."
"I didn't know he was left handed." whispered Gwen as the captain dug into his bag of jelly beans.
"Never mind that, I've got something that might shed a little light on who's been ruing our vacation?"
"Why don't you show the cops?"
"Because it's a copy of their files." whispered Duncan showing her a flash drive.
"How'd you get that?"
"Copied it from one of Armytrio's grunts when they weren't looking."
"You could probably go to prison for that."
"Wouldn't be the first time."
"Well, in any case, let's look at this elsewhere."
Gwen and Duncan excused themselves from the group and went up to her room to look at the files. They were finally able to get a good look at the employee who had been killed the previous evening.
"Wait a minute… Christina said the mastermind wasn't working alone."
"Only a handful of people on this island could lift that anvil, and from the looks of things the guy who was killed with the exploding football could have been one of them. The police found treads in the carpet on that floor that they believe could have belonged to one of the carts Izzy and Owen's employees use to move boxes that arrive on the island. So whoever it was stashed the anvil one of those boxes, and then their man brings it up to this floor after the shooting when we were all downstairs, and drops it on the unsuspecting employee below. Then our killer ties up loose ends by killing him with an exploding football."
"But where does that get us, and why an exploding football?"
Meanwhile, Alejandro was asking himself that very same question.
Alejandro pulled Heather aside.
"Bad TV's the explanation for all these crazy murders. Shoving drugged chocolate bars down someone's throat, shooting at someone twenty times and missing on purpose, dropping an anvil on someone's head, and exploding footballs. Professionals don't do that. That's the kind of thing you see on the Loony Tunes, or Tom & Jerry, or some crap."
"I'm pretty sure Bugs Bunny never killed someone with a chocolate bar."
"That's not the point."
"And how do you know the killer missed Owen twenty times on purpose?"
"I've seen the crime scene. Do you honestly think you would miss a person as large as Owen at such short a distance with an automatic weapon?"
"You make an interesting point."
"Christina said the mastermind wasn't working alone. Whoever is pulling the strings is very obsessed with cartoons. All we need is to look up the files that Sierra keeps on everybody and look for someone who really likes cartoons. And if no one stands out we'll look into the island's employees."
"I don't think being interested in cartoons is enough to get a conviction."
"Christina never said we needed to get anyone convicted, we just need to find out who did it."
"I like the way you think."
Just then they heard something that sounded like a really weird bird call. They looked down the hall and saw the animal in question scurry off into the elevator.
"Was that a penguin?" asked Heather.
"This vacation just keeps getting weirder."
That night Gwen and Duncan kept peeking out their doors every time they heard someone coming. They kept in contact via text messages.
I hope you're ready to get naked.
In your dreams.
If you don't then I'll pronounce you chicken for life.
It's not over till someone gives it up, and I don't have any movement.
Ditto, but the night is still young.
Cassandra just got off the elevator.
Cassandra stopped in front of Gwen's door.
Just like that Gwen was out like a light. Cassandra then proceeded to John's room and knocked on the door, she wasn't surprised to find Courtney in there with him and Angela.
"John, do you mind if I borrow Angela for a little bit. I think there's something she'd like to see."
"And why couldn't you show her earlier?"
Cassandra pointed at him.
"You two can trust me, we won't be gone long."
"We can trust you, you won't be gone long." They both said.
"You were right Angela, there are fairies about, and I know where to find them."
"Really?! But why can't John come with us."
"Because he has other things to do."
"But what if the killer's out there."
"We'll be fine. I can see the future, remember?"
Before they left, no one noticed that Cassandra slipped something into John's drink.
Cassandra and Angela did come across several cops and security guards as they made their way through the building, but Cassandra just waved them off with a simple gesture.
"How are you doing that?"
"I can make them say or do whatever I want. Watch this."
Cassandra pointed at the guard they had had just passed.
"Turks in Space was unfathomably awesome." she whispered.
"Turks in Space was unfathomably awesome." he replied.
"Are you a Jedi?"
"Am I a Jedi?" chuckled Cassandra "Aren't you precious."
Cassandra led Angela all the way out to the shore without meeting anyone along the way.
"Where are the fairies?"
Angela turned around and saw that Cassandra suddenly had two huge rainbow colored butterfly wings on her back.
"And you're the one who made Heather and Alejandro's skin turn orange the other day, and all the other crazy things that have happened."
"Guilty as charged."
"I thought it'd be funny."
"Yeah it was pretty funny, but kinda harsh."
"What about the murders?"
"That wasn't me. We're not allowed to use our powers to kill anyone."
"Wait, can you really see the future?"
"Yes, but I do admit I had a hand in making a lot of my prophecy's happen."
"Couldn't you have stopped the murders?"
"I didn't see them happening. My ability of foresight doesn't activate on demand. It comes and goes when I least expect it. Now I'm really not supposed to show my true nature to anyone, but I like you. Can you keep a secret?"
(To be continued)
"What the heck is going on?"
Christina had been monitoring all the campers to see which of them would fulfill the fortune teller's little prophecy, but for some reason none of her hidden cameras were working. One minute Cassandra had left her quarters and was heading toward the floor where the campers were, then nothing.
"Come on… come on…"
It was nearly an hour before the picture came back, and all the campers were snug in their beds.
"Damn, I must've missed it."
None of the campers looked like they had performed wanton acts of carnality. The only two who were sleeping in the same room where John and Courtney, the problem was that Angela was right there with them, and John would never warp his younger sister's childhood like that.
"This is why I hate machines. Wait a minute… what's this."
Something was happening on the beach. Two people seemed to be having a disagreement. Then it got violent.
"Well, that's a clue to this mystery if I've ever seen one."
For some reason that morning everyone was very quiet at breakfast.
Everyone jumped, but it was clear that there wasn't really a fire; otherwise the alarms would have been going off.
"What in the name of Jehovah's wrong with you?!"
"I was just saying the word that we've all been longing to hear." said Alejandro "Seriously, you'd think somebody died."
"I don't know if you've noticed, but a lot of people are dead." said Bridgette.
"Yes, but I've got a pretty good idea who the killer is."
"If you have a solution, pray tell." said Sarah.
"It was John!"
Everyone broke down laughing.
"Have you lost your last marble?" asked Cody regaining himself.
"In case you've forgotten the first murder happened when a guy had marijuana laced chocolate shoved in his throat, Owen was shot at over a dozen times, but only one shot actually hit him, then someone got his head smashed by an anvil, and then someone gets blown up with an exploding football. That kind of crap only happens in cartoons. And according to Sierra's notes you used to watch a lot."
"Yes, I used to watch a lot of cartoons when I was a kid." said John "But that does not make me a murderer."
"Besides, John was nowhere near any of the victims at the time of their deaths."
"Yeah, and we just have the word of his little sister and his toy."
"What did you just call me?!" said Courtney turning red.
"We all know the fact that John is so freaking pious is the only reason you're still a virgin."
No one noticed that John's cheeks turned a little pink.
"Even if it wasn't John, who does that leave?"
"Look, just because someone watches cartoons it doesn't make them a killer."
"Yeah, look at the Obamas." said Ezekiel.
"Don't you guys listen to public radio?"
"Okay, now you're just being stupid."
Just then Izzy came into the room, looking a lot better than she had since the shooting.
"Good morning my fellow campiosos!"
"I have some very good news, the hospital just telegraphed this morning."
"Wow for real? Telegraphed?" asked Cody.
"What is this, World War I? Don't they have cell phones out here?" asked Heather.
"Yeah, next thing you know we're going to be watching the complete Lord of the Rings trilogy extended cut on Betamax." said Harold.
"I didn't ask." replied Izzy "Anyway, the message says this. Your partner is recovering well, stop. He's going to be just fine, stop. Hey, who touched me? Stop. Oliver, I'm going to rip your nuts off, stop."
"Okay, if someone was touching you, you wouldn't bother to telegraph, who touched me, you'd say it."
"Anyway, since I'm in such a good mood, we're going to go ahead and have our little treasure hunt today."
"Are you sure that's a good idea? There's still an unidentified psychotic killer on the island."
"We have security guards and cops all over the place, besides…"
Izzy pulled out something that made every female in the room drop their jaws.
"Is that a diamond?!" exclaimed Leshawna.
"That thing's as big as an orange!" said Heather.
"This is just one of the trinkets from Black Ed's treasure trove that I held onto. Whoever wins the treasure hunt gets to keep it."
After Izzy had hid the diamond, all the campers went around looking for it.
"You'd think she would have left some footsteps in the sand."
"I still can't believe we're even doing this with a killer on the loose." said Gwen.
"Why do you think Alejandro accused John of being the killer?"
"The only motive I can see him having is because Izzy won American Tour, and now he wants to get back at her. But even that's unlikely since he won Shipwreck."
"If the finalists of American Tour are suspects then that would make you one too." laughed Duncan.
"If I was the murderer then I wouldn't be killing Izzy's employees, I would have taken Heather and Alejandro out first"
"You think Sarah might be the killer? She is a bit of a psycho."
"Once again, I'm sure she wouldn't be killing Izzy's people."
"So who do you think it is?"
"According to the files you copied from the cops, nothing suspicious turned up in the files on Izzy's other employees, at least not for those still among the living. I think we can safely rule out Lindsay, Tyler, Justin, and Ezekiel."
"Yeah, just yesterday I heard Sarah yelling at him for eating her cat's kitty treats."
"So that's why he had a black eye this morning."
At that moment a loud voice came over the speakers.
"Are you blind? Look down on the ground! You'd think you'd be on the lookout for anything even remotely strange when there's a million dollars on the line!"
"That was Christina!"
"But what the heck was she talking about."
"I don't know, but keep your eyes open."
Soon Gwen and Duncan came to a huge cave, when they looked inside they did indeed find something, but it wasn't the treasure chest where Izzy had hidden the diamond.
There was a dead body on the floor of the cave, one that had been fried to a crisp.
"This is getting really serious."
(To be continued)
Needless to say the festivities were cut short due to the new development.
"This many people dropping like flies, that's definitely not going to be good for business."
"So who was it this time?" asked DJ.
"We're all present and accounted for." said Sierra.
"Must've been another one of the employees or maybe even one the cops."
"I'm afraid it's neither." said Armytrio "We've done head counts of both, and neither show that anyone is missing."
"So who's dead?"
"It's hard to tell when the corpse has been incinerated. In my professional opinion it's a male in his mid to late thirties, but that doesn't give us much to go on. We're probably going to have to identify him by his dental records, and that always takes awhile."
"Don't you guys have a forensic artist or something?"
"Yes, but unfortunately she's vacationing in Brazil at the moment."
"What the heck is a forensic artist?" asked Tyler.
"It's someone who can look at a person's skull and tell you what his face looked like."
"They actually have jobs like that?"
"Honestly, doesn't anyone here watch TV anymore?"
"While we're on the subject; Fullmetal Alchemist or Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood."
"Please, if I want episode after episode of non-canon filler I'll call watch Pokémon." said Cody.
"I thought Pokémon had several different mangas."
"I'm going to do my best to ignore that you guys are talking about Pokémon." said Courtney.
"Say that again and you die!"
"Sierra? You're a Pokémon fan?"
"Not a crazy one or anything. But one of my fantasies is dress Cody up as some of my favorites."
"Too much information" whispered 'Ano'i.
"Oh… Forget I said that."
"Too late, the damage is done."
"People please, focus on the matter at hand. There's a psychotic killer on the loose, and he or she has struck again, and this time we have no idea who the heck was killed."
"And to be perfectly honest, I don't think we're any closer to solving this case since the moment all this madness started." said Trent.
"So how screwed are we right now?"
"I'd say we're saying Candlejack out loud in the middle of a graveyard on Friday the 13th at the toll of the witching hour."
"I'm not even going to ask."
"What are they doing with the all the bodies?" asked Bridgette "Can't be very hygienic just having them all lying around."
"We have some cold units on the boats we used to get here." said Armytrio "It will keep them preserved until our business here has reached its conclusion."
"You people are pathetic."
Once again Christina appeared on every monitor in the room.
"Once again you incompetents are boring everyone, so I guess I'll have to speed things up by saving you the trouble of having to identify that charred husk. His name is Jack Blud, and he is/was a mercenary for hire. And in case you don't have the brains to put two and two together, he's the one who has been killing everyone."
"Okay, so if what you say is true…. why has the killer suddenly become the killee?"
"Like I said, he's a killer for hire. He may have been doing all the dirty work, but someone on that island of yours has been pulling his strings, and last night they decided he was a loose end. And no one gets the million dollars until you find out who."
"I'm getting really tired of that witch." said Beth.
"You and me both girl." said Leshawna.
"So, none of us killed any of the previous victims. That makes sense, especially considering everyone had an alibi for at least one of the other deaths."
"So now the only question is who killed Mr. Blud, and who had the means to hire him?"
"Not to mention, who among us has the capacity to kill a man like him?"
"I don't think that's an issue. Even the toughest man can be killed by a blaze of fire." said Cody.
"I don't think it was the fire that killed him."
"What makes you say that?"
"Look at this."
Gwen showed everyone a picture she drew of what Blud's body looked like. Lindsay, Tyler, Bridgette, Geoff, and a few others all threw up.
"And… what are we looking at exactly?"
"When Duncan and I found his body I noticed something amongst all the charred flesh."
"What's that on his throat? Looks like some kind of laceration."
"Someone slit his throat?"
"Why would you burn someone after he's already had his throat slit?" asked Trent.
"I can think of two good reasons. One: to scare us all silly, two: to further confuse us, three: destroy the evidence."
"And you all know this how?" asked Heather.
"Girl, don't you watch TV?"
"Do I look like the kind of person who's into all that Meta horror CSI shit?"
"I'm surprised she even knows what the word Meta means." whispered Harold.
Suddenly Ezekiel burst into the room with chocolate all over his face.
"THE CHOCOLATE'S A LIE! THE CHOCOLATE'S A LIE!"
Just then he licked his lips.
"Wait… maybe its panama red… sorry… I'm gonna… go to sleep now."
Ezekiel collapsed to the floor without another word.
"What… the hell… just happened?"
"If I had to take a guess, I'd say Ezekiel found the rest of the late glaucoma patient's stash of Crazy Coco."
Bridgette checked Ezekiel's pulse.
"I think he's just unconscious."
"Well… just leave him there. We have other things to worry about."
"Like who would be able to walk right up to someone like Jack Blud and slit his throat."
"I was thinking the same thing."
The campers were interrupted by Armytrio and a few other cops.
"Mr. Swarner, I believe these are yours."
One of the cops was holding John's swords.
"Yes… Is there a problem?"
"No, no problem, just that trained mercenary is dead and you're the only person on this island carrying bladed weapons."
"John was with me last night." said Courtney.
"Is that so? Then you won't mind if we take a look at these."
"Be my guest."
"Kill the lights."
One of the cops unsheathed John's swords and sprayed the blades with luminol. Much to everyone's surprise one of the blades suddenly gave off a blue glow.
"Don't worry everybody! I have a plan!" said Ezekiel.
"My bullshit sense is tingling." thought Courtney.
"How are you even still alive?" asked Noah.
"Yeah dude, you should be taking a dirt nap after consuming that much chocolate broccoli."
"Chocolate broccoli? That's disgusting!" said Tyler.
"Geoff, I don't know what lingo you guys think is cool nowadays, but let's just call it weed like everyone else." said Duncan.
"Anyway, here's my idea." said Ezekiel "I heard the circus is in town, so we go to the mainland, sneak inside, release the animals, and start a fire!"
"And… how exactly is that supposed to prove John's innocence and catch the killer?"
"It sounded good in my head."
"Okay Ezekiel, we'll meet you there in an hour." said Heather sarcastically.
Ezekiel ran off without saying anything else.
"How long do you think before he figures out that we were sarcastic?"
"I wouldn't bet any time soon."
"How's he supposed to get to the mainland? We're not allowed to leave this place until the cops have their killer."
"I… think he's swimming."
"Uh… is he going to be okay?"
"Now that the idiot is out of the way, why don't we get to work planning on how we're going to bring down this bad guy?" said Sarah.
"What? You mean you know who did it?"
"But can you prove it?"
"I can once I get into this."
"Is that a phone? Whose is it?"
"That would be telling wouldn't it."
Sarah began fiddling with the phone; everyone knew that computers and electronics were her area of expertise.
"A prepaid phone with a custom lock that has one hundred thousand possible combinations. This is hard… but not for me."
Whoever had been using the phone had left several text messages in the sent folder, but most people couldn't make heads or tails of it.
"That looks like something that your printer spews out when you're trying to make sure it works."
"It's an encoded message. If you're crazy enough to pull off a stunt like this and send messages over the phone then it would be wise to have it so no one else can understand them."
"So… can anyone here break it?"
"Are you kidding? Encryption is essential when it comes to creating security for computers."
Sarah started jotting down letters and numbers on piece of paper; she was comparing the encoded message against every kind of cipher that she knew.
"Whoever created this cipher is a genius… "
After a few more minutes Sarah's expression changed.
"I take it back; whoever created this is an asshole."
"Can you still break it?"
"Of course I can, I just wanted you know how kick-ass I am."
It took Sarah about another fifteen minutes.
"Jackpot, the owner of this cell phone is responsible for the whole thing."
"So who is it?"
"Why don't I just show you? Duncan, how good are you at picking pockets?"
"What do you need me for? Didn't you steal that phone?"
"Yes, but I almost shit my pants in the process."
Nearly an hour later everyone was assembled in the lounge, and there cops at every exit.
"Alright kids I've decided to humor you, what have you got for me?" asked Captain Armytrio.
"Could you remove John's handcuffs?"
"It's just an experiment. Besides, where can he go?"
Some of the cops looked like they were ready to unholster their weapons.
"John, think fast!"
Harold tossed a baseball at John, which he instinctively caught with his right hand.
"This man is innocent."
"And how exactly does catching a baseball mean he's innocent."
"Jack Blud's body was burned postmortem; you said that someone slit his throat using one of John's swords. But the laceration was made on the left side of Blud's throat, so it had to have been made by someone who is left handed; and we have just established that John is right handed."
"That's not enough to cut him loose, though he may be inherently right handed, he's shown that he's more than capable of using his left hand."
"Except that according to Courtney he had been with her all night watching movies. The only people outside of John, Courtney, and Angela that had access to that sword would have had to be someone with one of the hotel's master keys. And the only people that have master keys and can get around the island without causing suspicion are Izzy, Zane or one of his security guards, one of the maids, or one of you."
They noticed that Sarah was pointing at the cops.
"You're suggesting that one of my men hired Jack Blud to come here and kill people?"
"Not at all." said Sarah smiling "Tell me something Captain Armytrio… What do you have to say about this?!"
Sarah pulled out the phone she had been messing with earlier.
"And that is?"
"It's a prepaid cell phone with encrypted messages on it. One of the things it contains is instructions to place Black Ed's mask and remains in what appears to be food box and hide them in the kitchen's freezer, then once the police arrived Blud was to place them on one of the boats, where no one would think to look for them. Oh and I forgot to mention…I found this in your room."
All the other cops exchanged looks, and Armytrio actually laughed.
"An excellent fabrication my dear albino, but you lack proof."
"Oh no he didn't." thought Leshawna.
Instead of snapping, Sarah just smiled.
"Christina, I know you're watching. Tell me I'm right."
Christina appeared on the TV in the room and started clapping.
"Brilliantly worked out Sarah, I congratulate you. Let's watch my favorite part again."
Christina pulled up a video that showed Captain Armytrio slashing Blud's throat. At this point the Captain pulled out his gun and pulled the trigger, but nothing happened.
"You'll need these." said Duncan taking some bullets out of his pocket.
Armytrio was surrounded by the other cops.
"Tell me something, is this just another case of a good cop gone bad, or is there more to it?" asked Sarah.
"I can tell you." replied Christina "You know how every single one of the alleged perps of his crimes have pleaded not guilty? Because they weren't. He committed all those crimes himself, and "solved" them to further his own career."
"Why didn't I think of that? A Scrabble killer?"
The other cops escorted Armytrio back to their boats, and found the mask and Black Ed's bones.
"What made you think to go through Armytrio's stuff?" asked Bridgette.
"It's always the person you least suspect."
"The million dollars will be delivered to you shortly Sarah. I hope you campers enjoy the rest of your vacation, because next time I'll have something a lot more fun for you to do."
"Oh, I don't think so." thought Cassandra.
When Sarah went to her room that evening she found the million dollars in a big suitcase on her bed, right next to her cat Pearl. The next morning everyone was overjoyed to see that Owen had returned to the island.
"Nice to see you too Izzy."
"How'd you recover so quick?"
"I'm not really sure, what'd I miss?"
"Just about everything."
"Well, you'll never believe what's in the news."
The headline showed that last night someone had called in an anonymous tip, then Christina had been arrested by agents of Interpol.
"Oh now it's a party!" said Geoff.
"Does this mean the next season will finally be starting?" asked Sierra.
"I don't know about you guy's but I think I'm done." said John "In the time that I've been a contestant, I've been kidnapped, drugged senseless, nearly shocked to death, shot in the head, and now set up for murder."
"It's okay Johnny, I think you've done enough." said Angela.
"Fine, less competition for the rest of us."
"Heather, didn't you already win a season?"
"Yes, but my money fell into a pool of molten lava. Thanks a lot Ezekiel."
"Where is Ezekiel anyway?"
"Uh that's the other thing in the paper." said Owen.
The campers turned the page and saw that Ezekiel had somehow managed to swim all the way to the mainland and went through with his plans to start a fire at the circus.
"Now the whole town is being overrun by monkeys, elephants, and stuff."
"Makes me glad we're on this island." said Noah.
"Well, let's just try and enjoy the rest of our vacation."
That night there was a big luau in celebration that the ordeal was finally over.
"Cassandra, has anyone broken the seventh yet?" asked Gwen.
"Who?" asked Duncan.
"I'm not telling…"
"I will tell you this. Neither of you won your little bet."
"Wait a minute… That's means it wasn't Lindsay and Tyler, Geoff or Bridgette, Heather and Alejandro, or Cody and Sierra."
"So who does that leave? I couldn't have been John and Courtney; we know how stiff they are."
"More importantly, what do we do about it?" asked Duncan.
"Well… I guess neither of us has to run."
"Or we both do it." suggested Duncan.
"Not a chance."
A few weeks later
Courtney breathed a heavy sigh of relief. She couldn't have performed this test sooner because she knew the results would have been inconclusive. She and John had been in suspense for weeks, she had to let him.
"Hi Johnny." she said over the phone.
"Hi… did you do it."
"What's the verdict?"
"Would it be a really bad thing if I told you that I was relieved to hear that?"
"No, neither of us wanted to be caught up in something like that."
"And yet we still let our bodies get the better of us."
Neither John nor Courtney knew what had happened. That night when Cassandra burrowed Angela they both just lost all control.
"Are you okay." she asked.
"I'll be fine. You know what they say. Not all virgins are angels, and not all angels are virgins."
"That's from the opening scene of Virgin Territory."
"Whatever, it's still true."
"I know… we're living proof of both parts of that saying."